bad is good, and other fucked-up fairy tales from the Donnyverse

we’re in bad need of the truth. we’re not getting it

once again, everything in the news is so unbelievably stupid that I don’t even know where to begin. so today, I’m just going to spin the Big Wheel of Moron™ and see where it lands. ready? here we go.

oh look, it’s White House Energy Vampire Colin Robinson Kevin Hassett.

let’s all lean way back in our chairs and let Giggling Kev teach a master class in gaslighting.

“and so the consumer is really, really firing on all cylinders. they’re doing that because they have so much more money. in their pockets. in fact, I had the head of one of the Big Five banks in my office yesterday, going through the credit card data, and just as Secretary Bessent said, credit card spending is through the roof. they’re spending more on gasoline but they’re spending more on everything else, too.”

holy shit. Colin Robinson Kevin Hassett can smirk at us all he wants, but there is no scenario in the universe where people going into debt in order to buy groceries is a good thing.

what it’s a sign of is that people can’t afford basic shit. having to pull out your credit card in a fucking supermarket because that’s the only way you can put food on the table means that the economy is about go sideways, fast — if it hasn’t already.

listen, don’t take my word for it. I’m just some loudmouth on the internet who likes to say ‘fuck’ a lot. I’m going to bring in an actual expert — a homey from credit dot org — to ’splain it.

“At first glance, credit card use seems like a positive force in the economy,” nonprofit financial wellness group Credit.org noted last year. “But when that spending is driven by credit card interest and unsustainable debt, it creates economic instability.”

got that? unsustainable credit card debt is a bad thing — but here’s Laughing Boy Kevin, assuring us that ‘oh no, what it really means is that the economy is going great guns.’

Kevin Hasset’s job is basically to go on TV and giggle in our faces as he explains why bad is good, and so I wanted to know: who the fuck is this guy? what’s his deal? where did they find him?

now, because I’m a Responsible Journalist and Everything™, I literally googled ‘what the fuck is Kevin Hassett’s deal’ — and this is what Google’s janky plagiarism bot told me:

Kevin Hassett is a prominent conservative economist and top Trump administration economic advisor currently serving as the Director of the National Economic Council (as of early 2026). He is a key advocate for tax cuts, deregulation, and aggressive interest rate cuts, often seen as a key architect of pro-growth policies and a, though not ultimately selected, top contender for Fed Chair.

oh, so he’s some conservative think-tank yutz who’s never had a real job in his life. awesome. his whole deal is basically to cook up unworkable theories and sell them to a befuddled golf addict who believes magnets stop working if they get wet.

I can’t believe that I actually typed that last sentence, but every word of it is true.

it’s just more dumbfuckery from yet another unqualified member of the Donnyverse. having a snickering fool as your chief economic advisor makes about as much sense as having a piss-drunk dunk-tank clown as your Secretary of Death, or letting a whale-head-chainsawing maniac who swims in sewage and snorts coke off a toilet seat set national healthcare policy.

none of this is normal, and all of it is harmful to the economic well-being of our country. a president needs a team of advisors who will level with him about how the economy is really doing, and give him honest advice about how to fix it.

Donny doesn’t have that. he’s got Howard Lutnick, who apparently can’t even keep his story straight about why he spent so much time on Epstein Island.

he’s got smug Scott Bessent, an out-of-touch gazillionaire who pretends he’s just a struggling soybean farmer.

and he’s got Colin Robinson Kevin Hassett, who apparently believes that a country drowning in credit card debt is super fucking awesome.

we’re being governed over by morons. speaking of which, it’s time to spin the Big Wheel again.

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this time it landed on the Moron-in-Chief.

“in fact, the— I’ve given a special edict to the— defense companies who have the best equipment, they’re not making it fast enough, and now they’re all building plants all over the place, I said you’re not allowed to buy back stock any more, I told some of these people that are making millions and millions of dollars, you gotta reduce your salary, I’m going to reduce your salary, you’re gonna put it into weapons and uhhhh— it’s been incredible, the spirit we have.”

listen to this jackass prattle on. now he’s giving edicts. he really does imagine that he’s some kind of royal sovereign who can bark out orders and tell people to reduce their own salaries. oh no, wait — he’s going to personally reduce their salaries. how would that even work?

oh please, fuck straight off with that nonsense.

I would love for Donny to bark at me to reduce my own salary. that ain’t the American way. here’s what you can do with your edict, pal.

hey, how about Donny reduce his salary? how about we pay him exactly what he’s worth, which is zero.

once again, we’re all making ha ha noises at the Clown Who Would Be King, but Dear Leader’s little anecdote here is indicative of an actual serious problem: Donny and his piss-drunk Secretary of Death have wasted so much ordnance in their don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war on Iran, that they’ve seriously fucked with our nation’s military readiness.

The United States Defense Department may be understating the severity of America's missile stockpile shortage amid the Iran war, The Atlantic reported on Monday.

The Atlantic reported that a US weapons shortage would be extremely detrimental to American interests, given that the stockpile would be needed to defend the country’s allies against their respective adversaries.

tell me, is it a bad thing when you’re so horny to rain down death on Iranian schoolgirls that you use up all your missiles, and can’t defend yourself in the event that a legitimate threat arises? I’m no military expert, but I’m guessing the answer is yes.

and Donny’s solution to the problem isn’t to reassess his strategy and go ‘huh, maybe let’s not be so bomb-happy,’ no. it’s to yell harder at the defense industry and issue nonsensical and unenforceable edicts.

edict this, bro.

okay, let’s do one final spin of the Big Wheel of Moron.

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oh, huh — it landed on Preznit Fuckwit again. is that even legal, for him to go twice? [flips through rule book] well, it looks like it is. okay, whatcha got for us?

“…also honored to be joined by a military mother who sacrificed more— than most— as Melody— Wolf. and, uhhh, you know I love the name Melody because— for— a long time you know they have spell correct and word correct on these— crazy— machines that we used to put out truths, or— they used to be called tweets, and every time I wrote ‘Melania’ it would correct to ‘Melody.’ so, I do— thing, and I work very fast, very fast, blulululululululuh, and I’d talk about, and I’d say, ‘and Melania is fantastic’ and ‘happy mother’s day, Melania,’ our great first lady Melania, but it would spell correct, and word correct to— Melody. and sometimes I wouldn’t proofread it and I’d say ‘hmm’ and I would get just absolute decimated, these people would decim— they said ‘he didn’t know the name of his wife, he keeps calling her—’ and I said ‘what the hell is wrong with this machine,’ I didn’t know about that little feature, but I got that corrected eventually. you know who corrected— the military. I said ‘come in here, you gotta correct this.’”

holy shit, what is this demented old coot blithering about? we’ve veered into Abe-Simpson-tied-an-onion-to-his-belt-which-was-the-style-a-the-time territory.

Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants has become so impaired that he can’t even manage to name-check an audience member without turning it into some long, rambling gibberish about how his ‘crazy machine’ autocorrected ‘Melania’ to ‘Melody’ — which isn’t even what actually happened. it was Melanie.

if Joe Biden had ever told some nonsensical story about how his ‘crazy machine’ autocorrected ‘Jill’ into something else, the press would have turned it into a national crisis. James Comey and Jim Jordan would have had a fist-fight on the floor of the House over which one of them got to introduce the articles of impeachment. but in the Donnysphere, it was just another Wednesday.

and how did the demented old dipshit solve the problem? he got Meal Team Six to call in an air strike on his phone.

what an excellent use of resources. no wonder our military readiness is fucked.

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let’s sweep all that aside, because it’s time for your Daily Claudia.

here’s Ms. Spouse with daughter Katie in a photo from August 2004.

those eyes…

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.