Andy Warhol's garbage: why I believe Donald Trump mixed golf pants with stolen war plans

boxes filled with random shit. where have I heard this before?

confessed classified document thief Donald Trump is being rightfully ridiculed all over social media: “come on, did Trump really keep golf clothing mixed in with stolen documents?”

I absolutely believe he did, and I’ll tell you why.

many years ago, I worked for Andy Warhol. don’t be impressed. I was a low-level drone at the Factory for three years and I doubt Andy ever learned my name.

but I can tell you that Andy was a strange dude and I got to witness a fair amount of loony shit.

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there was a large room in the middle of Factory, where silkscreen prints that sold for far too much money were churned out. against one wall, from floor to ceiling, were shelves. on the shelves were carboard storage boxes.

the boxes looked a lot like this, because this is an actual photo of Andy’s boxes.

I never gave them much thought — until one day, early on in my tenure at the Factory, I happened to walk past a table, and on the table was one of the boxes, open. I looked inside. there was some junk mail. an empty toothpaste tube. a small model of the Statue of Liberty, the kind they sell in the tourists shops on Fifth Avenue. other random shit.

“what’s all this?” I asked someone.
“oh, those are Andy’s boxes.”
“Andy’s … boxes?”
“Andy never throws anything away.”
“that’s really fucking weird.”
“yes, it is.”

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fast forward to now, and we’re hearing Donald Trump complaining a shit-ton about how he couldn’t return “his” boxes of stolen war plans because he had all kinds of personal items mixed in with them.

it jogged a memory. boxes filled with random shit. where have I heard this before?

I googled “Andy Warhol’s boxes” just to make sure I wasn’t imagining the whole thing, and holy shit, not only was I not imagining it, there’s a whole page devoted to the boxes at the Warhol Museum web site. they’re now considered art objects.

which I find hilarious, because they’re fucking boxes of garbage.

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ok, Andy Warhol was a weirdo genius. Donald Trump is a weirdo moron. doesn’t matter. weirdos are weirdos, and they do weird shit.

so I abolutely belive that Donald Trump would fill boxes with random drek.

Trump is a disorganized idiot. and he had to pack hastily (or, more likely, scream at his minions to pack hastily) because right up until the last minute, the delusional dipshit really thought he’d be staying in the White House forever.

so yeah, there really are soiled golf pants and empty ketchup packets mixed in with nuclear launch codes or whatever.

in the end, none of this matters. what matters is that Donald Trump stole thousands of pages of classified material, hid them, moved them, sorted through them, lied about having them, bragged about having them, stashed them in the shitter, and waved them in the faces of randos at his tacky gold-plated vermin-infested golf motels.

and no amount of whining about how they’re “his” boxes is going to keep Donald Trump from going down.

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this piece started out being a regular Sunday open chat, but by the time I finished writing it, it was a thing about a thing.

so let’s pretend we’re still open chatting: hey folks! what’s everyone up to today?