all hail Preznit Fuckwit, who just heroically saved the lives of eight imaginary women

it’s all so shittacularly stupid

do you live in a shithole country?

here’s one dead giveaway: are you ruled by a Mad King who craps out blatant dumbfuckery on a daily basis, after which his courtiers have to work overtime to polish whatever smelly turd just fell out of his stupid mouth?

the first item on today’s agenda needs to come with its own trigger warning, because it’s so fucking idiotic that you might end up dumber just from having encountered it.

“only President Trump could saves the lives of these eight beautiful Iranian women.”

what the fuck is Karoline Lie-vitt blithering about?

never before in the entire history of the multiverse has the question ‘are these eight beautiful Iranian women in the room with us right now’ been a more appropriate thing to ask — because in fact, these eight women have never been in the room with anyone, ever. they don’t exist.

they’re the figment of the imagination of some janky plagiarism bot, and Donny swallowed it — hook, line and sinker — like the swamp-brained nincompoop he is.

“To the Iranian leaders, who will soon be in negotiations with my representatives: I would greatly appreciate the release of these women. I am sure that they will respect the fact that you did so. Please do them no harm! Would be a great start to our negotiations!!! Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP”

this is so shittacularly stupid, it hurts my head to even type this out.

some complete rando on the internet had an AI gin up a bunch of fake images of nonexistent women he claimed were about to be executed by Iran’s regime. he then posted them to Elon’s Nazi Bar and Child Porn Emporium, where they came to the attention of our Moron-in-Chief, who decided on the spot to use them as a start to the next round of peace negotiations.

but wait — it gets stupider. the next day, out of the clear blue, Donny proudly proclaimed that he had saved the lives of these eight imaginary women.

“Very good news! I have just been informed that the eight women protestors who were going to be executed tonight in Iran will no longer be killed. Four will be released immediately, and four will be sentenced to one month in prison. I very much appreciate that Iran, and its leaders, respected my request, as President of the United States, and terminated the planned execution. Thank you for your attention to this matter! President DONALD J. TRUMP”

where is Donny getting his information from? because — and I cannot stress this enough — THESE WOMEN DON’T EXIST.

it’s so monumentally stupid that even Iran ended up mocking Donny, right to his big, dumb pumpkin face.

think about how clownfuckingly insane this is. Dear Leader was fooled by fake images he saw online, and then farted out an entire narrative wherein he successfully appealed for these bogus women’s lives to be spared.

it’s as if Donny were a child playing with Barbie dolls, inventing stories for them.

‘you get released immediately — but you’ve been a bad girl, and you have to spend a month in jail.’

imagine that Joe Biden’s autopen had done anything like this when he was in office. the press would have had a fucking field day. the New York Times would have run seven hundred overheated editorials about Joe needed to resign immediately, for the good of the country.

but because we live in the shittiest possible timeline, the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled press took Donny’s fever-swamp hallucination as fact, and printed it verbatim.

oh, come on. why do we even have a media, if not one of them are going to their jobs?

pro tip for the worthless scribs: every time you start a story with ‘Donny says,’ you’re just enabling and normalizing his dementia-fueled delusions.

finally, to cap it all off, Karoline Leavitt showed up on Fox News to praise Dear Leader for being the Glorious Liberator Of Eight Computer-Generated Women Who Probably Each Have Six Fingers.

welcome to the fucked-up version of America we find ourselves living in, in the Year of Our Lord 2026. we have a cognitively-impaired imbecile president who says stupid shit twenty-four-seven, while grown adults pretend it’s the most perfectly normal thing in the world. nothing to see here, move along.

that’s because shithole countries don’t become shithole countries all by themselves. they need people like Karoline Leavitt — aided and abetted by the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled press — to help them come to fruition.

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now, here’s an even dumbfuckier tale of shithole dumbfuckery.

Elizabeth Warren: “[Donny] claims that TrumpRX has reduced prices by as much as 600%”

Bobby Brainworms Jr: “President Trump has a different way of calculating— there are two ways of calculating percentages. if you have a $600 drug and you reduce it to $10, that’s a 600% reduction.”

pro tip: claiming you can reduce the price of something by 600% isn’t ‘having a different way of calculating’ — it’s being a fucking moron. you can’t reduce the price of anything by more than 100%.

you know this, and I know this. anyone with half a brain know this — but because Dear Leader said it, and Elizabeth Warren called him out for it, Bobby Brainworms has no choice but to gather up the few remaining shreds of his self respect, drag them out back to the gravel pit, whisper a few pathetic words of comfort, and shoot them straight in the face.

once again, Donny utters something moronic, and his flunkies scramble to explain that no, Donny’s actually some kind of super-genius, and we’re the morons who don’t understand that there are actually two kinds of math — your stupid kind, and the Emperor’s new kind.

now, because I’m a responsible journalist and everything, I picked up my phone and fired up its calculator app.

it was a wild experience. I actually saw numbers dancing in front of my head, just like in the gif.

I can now break the news that if you lower the price of something from $600 to $10, that’s a reduction of 98.3%.

you’re welcome, America.

now here’s are some numbers I’d like to see Donny explain his way out of. tell me, is a 33% approval rating bad?

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here’s yet another way you can tell you live in a shithole country: it’s when your Acting Secretary of the Navy pretty much has his job because Dear Leader is a child who giggled over his name.

yesterday, John Phelan got fired as Navy Secretary, and his second in command took over. his name? Hung Cao.

the first thing you need to know is that our overgrown toddler president thinks the name ‘Hung Cao’ is super fucking hilarious.

“It’s really an honor to be with you,” Trump said with Cao to his right. “Thank you. And we’re gonna be with this man. This is a great gentleman. I love his name — Hung Cao. I love that name. And that name alone should get you elected, right?”

spoiler alert: Hung Cao’s name didn’t get him elected in 2024, because Hung Cao is a fucking crackpot who ran for Senate because, quite frankly, somebody needed to do something about all these witches.

“there’s a place in Monterey, California called Lovers Point. the original name was Lovers of Christ Point. but now they took out the Christ, it’s become Lovers Point — really, Monterey is a really dark place now, a lot of witchcraft and the wiccan community has really taken over there, and we can’t let that happen in Virginia.”

Hung Cao seems sane, doesn’t he?

and because Donny has a knack for always being able to find the worst person possible for each job, he plucked Wytchfinder Cao from the shitpile of failure and made him his Undersecretary of the Navy.

for once in his entire stupid life, Donny didn’t hire a flunkie because he looked good on Fox News. no, he this time picked the dude whose name makes him think of a big-dick bovine.

and now, Cao — the scourge of witches from Monterey to Virginia — is our Acting Secretary of the Navy.

because shitty timelines don’t become shitty timelines all by themselves.

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and now, your heroes of the day: the Ukrainian officials who proposed renaming part of the Donbas region to ‘Donnyland,’ in order to curry favor with America’s Narcissist-in-Chief.

I shit you not, this is not a joke. they even drew up a map and everything.

it’s so fucking eternally embarrassing. the entire world has figured out that Dear Leader is so childishly vain that he can be won over by naming something in his honor, or by handing him some completely bogus ‘prize.’

thank you, Ukraine, for taking this trend to its logical — and hilarious — conclusion.

by the way, Ukraine owes me royalties — because I first coined ‘Donnyland’ a over year ago, in a ‘this week in stupid’ post from Feb 15, 2025.

but you know what? fuck it, indeed. Ukraine, you can have ‘Donnyland’ for free — just because I like the cut of your jib.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.