359 Comments
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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

Ms Spouse: "you have too many fucks coming out of Jesus's mouth"

me: "I happen to know for fact that Jesus loved to swear"

(spoiler alert: she won. I took out one of the fucks)

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Bob Bowden's avatar

Top 10 Reasons Trump Should be Pope:

1. He’ll fire the altar boys and hire… Altar Babes!

2. Modified Commandment: Thou shalt tariff thy neighbor’s goods

3. Vatican already has a Great Big Beautiful Wall

4. 1.3 Billion Catholics switch from hating him to thinking he’s infallable

5. Comes with an amazing and miraculous Ear Stigmata!

6. New Military-style parade coming to Rome, featuring the Pietà and other pieces of priceless Vatican art and also the Shroud of Turin, rolling down the street

7. Dec. 25th holiday renamed: Trumpmas!

8. New Cardinal: Roger Stone!

9. Bland Communion wafers to be replaced by tasty McDonald’s Fries!

10. We’ll get the greatest deals… with Lucifer!

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Antoinette Powell's avatar

“Ear Stigmata!”

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Peaceful Mary T.'s avatar

That one made me laugh the loudest! LOL!

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Randy Woodall's avatar

It's MEARACLE!

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Jane in NC's avatar

Full-on spit take over that one!

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arne link's avatar

Brilliant!

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Charles Austin's avatar

😂😂😂😂

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Susan Niemann's avatar

"Trumpmas" HAHAHAHA!!! Great list! 😂

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Which means 2 dolls instead of 20 or 30

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Bob Bowden's avatar

PERFECT

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Betsy L's avatar

This is fabulous, and oh so spot-on!

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Nicely played Bob, loved the list!!

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Chris Hierholzer's avatar

I like the fries but the rest of it bothers me Bob.

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Bob Bowden's avatar

It bothers me too Chris, beyond words. Thus the attempt at humor for self-medication

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M. Apodaca's avatar

Our funny people are funnier than the Right’s!

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Scott Gilbert's avatar

EW

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michellefromchicago's avatar

Rec'd for ear stigmata

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Lynn Van Haren's avatar

👏👏👏👏

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Margaret's avatar

Fantastic, Bob! Still laughing.

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Joe Witkowski's avatar

The Vatican Camerlango fucks couches

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Diane Kempf's avatar

Genius 😃

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Terry's avatar

My wife always wins.

When we met, 34 years ago, she had a bobble hanging from her mirror that said, 'Get in, Sit down, Shut up, Hang on.' That was May 11, 1991, we were married May 30, 1991. You can do the math.

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Kimmy's avatar

You got me beat on the rapid marriage, met 3/19 and married 9/9. We always brag it was less than 6 months from introduction to marriage, but you hold a record!

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Maggie&Lefty's avatar

Mine’s a little reversed. First collided in 7th grade, married 30 years later !!! Been together 33 this year in May

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longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

I'm close, no cigar. Met in April 1966 at Robbie's (no snark from people who know Berkeley well) married in my parents' living room on May 10, 1980, married 45 years next Sunday. Son born 4/19/82. Not Catholic, which is the difference between our marriage and that of t's press secretary (met, got pregnant (11/2023), got engaged (12/2023), baby born (7/2024), got married 1/2025). Never got over my first meeting with my future husband.

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shee-rah's avatar

Happy Anniversary! (and many more)

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Barbara Rengstorff's avatar

My parents met at an Easter breakfast and were married by the end of August. But that was 1942 (there’s a war on, you know!). They were married for over 60 years until my mother passed away. And also they didn’t “have to get married”. I, their first born, didn’t come along until 3 years later. But you have them beat easily!

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Maggie&Lefty's avatar

🤣. You’re killing me Smalls!

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Steve Kelly's avatar

Remind Ms Spouse that people who curse live longer.

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PTW's avatar

Shit, I'll live forever then!

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longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

Well, that's a big help for me.

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arne link's avatar

Many people are saying...

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Phil Burns's avatar

😂😂😂

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

Jeff, you shared some filthy dirty pictures with us today. You ought to be ashamed of YOURSELF !!!

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Wendy's avatar

If the shoe fits , right ?

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HI2thDoc's avatar

The Hampton Court Conference convened by King James took out all of the "me dammits"

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Betsy L's avatar

And the Bible was never the same.

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Tess's avatar

Well….fuck that! hahaha…this post was the best!!!!

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Paul Jonasse's avatar

I’m sure you will be able to use that extra fuck somewhere.

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DR Darke's avatar

So, like Lin-Manuel Miranda when Disney licensed the video recording of HAMILTON?

It turned out you had one fuck to give after all.... 😁

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FTrump And FPutin Too's avatar

I couldn’t help noticing that missing fuck. The ear stigmata screamed it was slighted by the omission. Kudos though for respect to Ms Spouse and yourself.

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Charles Austin's avatar

😂😂😂

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Mps's avatar

Man, I hate losing

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KeepPinotAlive's avatar

Wait! This pope thing is what catholics are mad about? He's a rapist. Idiot. Thief and asshole. But don't you make light of pontif. I give up.

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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

I know, right?

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Grace Kennedy's avatar

It’s one thing for some dingbat to post this crap, but altogether another for the big gasbag to send it out to the world. What a gigantic asshat.

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Kate's avatar
2dEdited

For sure—catholics voted overwhelmingly for him in the 2020 election, chose that pos over Biden who is actually a decent man and a devout catholic! Goes to show how religion means absolutely nothing for the most part. The hypocrisy is nauseating.

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Terry's avatar

If you read the articles, trump got more white Catholic votes, 56%, while Biden had 52% of Catholic votes. Every time trump and Catholic are mentioned in the same sentence regarding votes, it's white Catholic votes. Mention Biden, Catholic and votes, it's just that. Biden received 52% of Catholic votes.

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Kate's avatar

Ah, found one—this has a better breakdown—whites gonna white! And they went 60% for rump over Harris. https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/ap-votecast-trump-wins-white-evangelicals-catholics-split

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arne link's avatar

This is why we can't have good things.

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Kate's avatar

It’s interesting—this says there’s no accurate data for white catholics from 2020–and I did some other searching and didn’t find a clear answer—do you have a link to a better data set? And yes of course overall white people continue to disappoint! https://news.gallup.com/opinion/polling-matters/324410/religious-group-voting-2020-election.aspx

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meryl selig's avatar

No joke, Kate! You are so right

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Brenda Doherty's avatar

Not to blow your mind, but, as a practicing Catholic, I can be enraged about more than one thing. And the correct spelling is pontiff.

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DR Darke's avatar

Brenda, as a "I am not now, nor have I ever been" a Catholic?

I agree with you completely.

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Phil Burns's avatar

Think about medieval catholics...murderers and rapists especially in other countries.

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Linda Fulcher's avatar

Trump would be right there with the Medici and Borgia popes.

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DJ Headthrob's avatar

Too evil, although I wouldn't be surprised if he orchestrated Ivana's untimely demise.

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Phil Burns's avatar

He needed someplace to hide stolen top secret documents.

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Marla's avatar

Yes. Because there's no way a liposucted 72 year-old woman's casket needed 10 pallbearers who looked like they were all straining to carry it.

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michellefromchicago's avatar

He certainly is evil enough, but sorely lacking in the intelligence and subtlety of the scariest of the Medicis and Borgias

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Steve Kelly's avatar

"Poop Trump" would make the greatest of schisms....

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Linda Fulcher's avatar

Well, he would love to return us to the 14th century.

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Chris Hierholzer's avatar

I live history too Linda.

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Linda Fulcher's avatar

This country would be a hell of a lot better off if Americans were not willfully and gleefully ignorant of history.

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Dave Drell's avatar

Like when is THAT going to happen?

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Linda Fulcher's avatar

Never.

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Poignant Linda!!

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longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

Too stupid, not evil enough for the Medicis and Borgias.

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Charles Austin's avatar

👍👍👍

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Eva Porter's avatar

I'm a Catholic and I've been mad from day 1 at this FOOL. I'm angrier at the supposed "Catholics" who follow this....person.

"Mad" is an understatement. Right now I can feel my chest pounding after reading this and some other shit I read on Facebook - "shit" meaning Trump, not Jeff!

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Charles Austin's avatar

I haven't been to Mass in many years due those phony Catholics.

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Celine's avatar

Catholics can be and are mad at him for all those things.

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Chris Hierholzer's avatar

Religion and authoritarian governments go hand in hand. In WW2 the Pope didn't have a problem towing the line.

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Linda Fulcher's avatar

There are two remarkable books that demolish Pius XII: Hitler's Pope by John Cornwell, and The Pope at War by David Kertzer. He was a fascist and an authoritarian pig, and the Church loved him, with a few honorable exceptions. Trump would fit in very well.

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Charles Austin's avatar

He facilitated the escape of many Nazi war criminals.

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Linda Fulcher's avatar

Yes he did, as did the Catholic Church in general. Into That Darkness by Gitta Sereny was one of the first books to document the Church's complicity.

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Chris Hierholzer's avatar

Had the Pope not complied with Hitler and Mussolini they would have turned the papal suites into a brothel. You can't judge a book by its cover.

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Stephen Brady's avatar

That was really smooth, getting into a pissing match with a bunch of Bishops. How does he plan to get elected now?

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Robert Eckert's avatar

He doesn't plan on letting anybody vote again.

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Stephen Brady's avatar

I meant by the College of Cardinals. Of course, he doesn’t plan on any of us having a vote any longer. After all, he is perfection itself. Why would we need to vote any more?

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longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

So true.

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Chris Hierholzer's avatar

By sending the clergy to an outside facility for rehab. Happens in most authoritarian countries.

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Stephen Brady's avatar

How about we send Pope Donold to that little spa in El Salvador?

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Sue Munda's avatar

Exactly!!!

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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

there was no room for it in my post, it's way too long — but check out this nonsensical rants by a QAnon weirdo that was left under Donny's pope post on Truth Social.

https://truthsocial.com/@MJTruth/posts/114444768186269347

Trump posted himself as the Pope — My thoughts…

"Godfather III" is mentioned in Q drops quite a few times…

The Godfather III’s plot revolves around Michael Corleone discovering the Vatican Bank’s ties to organized crime, symbolizing real-world allegations of money laundering by the Vatican for globalist elites.

The surrounding context of “The Godfather” mentioned throughout the Q drops Implies the Pope (or Vatican leadership) is complicit in a secretive global power structure, potentially linked to intelligence operations (e.g., CIA, 9/11 financing) or elite families controlling global events.

Paired with phrases like “It’s going to be Biblical,” suggests the Vatican’s exposure is a pivotal, divine judgment to dismantle the deep state.

God uses the most flawed people for his glory. For those saying what Trump posted is blasphemous, remember The Pope was a very sick man and the walking epitome of blasphemy. Trump is trolling them.

This is not supposed to be funny.

President Trump just told you he ended this evil power structure and took over the Vatican Bank.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

JFC. These people are out of their fucking minds.

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Rick Calegari's avatar

As always. St. Upid which was good for another much needed laugh and it fits the narrative. In the real world, there will never be a Pope Fuckface the I and besides, the only feet he kisses are Smuk's. There was that video that mysteriously made its way into a DC lunchroom to prove it.

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shee-rah's avatar

You don’t think he kisses Putie’s feet? Oh yeah! He kisses his ass.

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Or were they born sans one Susan??

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Charles Austin's avatar

Certifiable!🥴🥴😵😵

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Stephanie Sipe's avatar

My exact sentiments.

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Burke's avatar

If anything will save America it will be our (your) humor. The stupids who crave power deserve ridicule, to the highest art.

After a good laugh AT them we must take away the keys to the bus. Donald is the halfwit 78 year old codger bus driver (with a 10 year old boy mentality). Crashing into guardrails along the cliff--for the fun of it. The MAGA Adults behind him fear for their lives so they give him warm strokes so save themselves: "You're a good good boy Donnie! You do good!" As he crashes the bus over and over. The rest of us on the bus are bouncing off the walls as he careens around the corners. Wrecking other cars (nations) as he goes.

Welker: "Donnie don't you think you should drive the bus within the lines?"

Donald (in a Child voice): "Oh, I don't know."

For America's survival as a free democratic nation, Donald and Musk and Yarvin and their billionaire backers must be kicked off the bus.

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Nancy Potter's avatar

The worst of it is not only is he a deteriorating codger with a 10-year-old's mentality, all of the people around him encourage him. There's nobody left to say, "Hey, if we're the most powerful country in the world, shouldn't we act like grown-ups?" (Goes for the DOD as well.) As a result, we may not be the most powerful country for much longer.

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Burke's avatar

There are 535 Adults in Congress. 9 Adults on the Supreme Court. Thousands of Adult journalists. But few of them are willing to be the Parent to demand that Little Donald stop harming people. Demand that Little Donald and his family stop taking bribes and committing criminal extortion on law firms, universities and corporations. Demand that Little Donald stop using the US Treasury to leverage his crypto coin scams. Demand that Little Donald stop his national sales tax--that hurts his own followers the most!

Lots of Adults in the government. But where are the Parents?

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Chet Brandt's avatar

The parents are scared shitless of their incorrigible fuckwit child…

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RZolu's avatar

Unfortunately Nancy, I think “Most Powerful Nation” has sailed that ship into China…yes, we have plenty of bombs (with a 10 yo in the WH who can push the button) but who is the leader in Manufacturing? China…once they cut out shipping to the USA, we’re fucked…the next few months are going to be miserable…

We have to recognize ‘who holds the gold’ and sadly it’s communist China who are being horribly disrespected by Fuckface…and we will experience the pain…

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Charles Austin's avatar

Over the guard rail and into the canyon.😈😈

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Douglas Paul Truhlar's avatar

Donald (in a Child voice): "Oh, I don't know." I think it should be his famous; “What do I care?”

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HI2thDoc's avatar

These fucking nuts terrify me

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Betsy L's avatar

Sorry. I'm not going onto TS unless I can reject all the cookies.

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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

that's why I reposted it in its entirety here, so you wouldn't have to

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Stephen Brady's avatar

How you survive wading into that cess pool every day, I'll never know. That and your wit are your 2 superpowers.

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Susan P Thatcher's avatar

You take good care of us

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Betsy L's avatar

Ohhh. Okay. Thank you. I didn't put two and two together.

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Charles Austin's avatar

Thank you!😂

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Andrew's avatar

Only a matter of days, if not hours, that this guy gets a cabinet post.

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Burke's avatar

Jeff, add Donnie's trade war to your stupid's list. His vaunted economic advisors are clueless! And they can't do basic math.

Most Americans are spoon fed the meme "America is the biggest bestest most important country on Earth!" And our media panders to the most ignorant. Seldom do we see an analysis of the reality of America's economic place in the world.

Look at Donnie's trade war against China and the world. Yes, we are a big importer/buyer customer. But we ain't that big a deal to the exporters.

Exporting represents 19% of China's gross domestic product (the total of their economic production).

https://www.statista.com/topics/1456/export-in-china/#topicOverview

Last year China exported $438 Billion in goods to the US. Which is a lot. But their total exports to all countries was $3.5 Trillion!

https://www.statista.com/statistics/263661/export-of-goods-from-china/

Simple math: $438 / $3,500 = 12.5%. The US is a big customer for China but 87.5% of their total exports are sold to other countries.

12.5% x 19% (percentage of exports to China's total economy) = 2.375%. This means that all of China's exports to the US only represent 2.375% of their total GDP!

Little Donnie is trying to start a trade war with a pea shooter! China and the World are laughing at him! If China lost the US as an export customer, completely, 97% of their economy would roll on unfazed. They don't want to lose us but if they did, oh hum.

Donnie is waiting for a phone call from a vendor who doesn't give a shit!

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Burke's avatar

We American's think we are all that and a bag of chips. But our total population is only 4.25% of the 8 billion humans living now. Only 1 in 23 humans on Earth lives in the United States.

https://www.worldometers.info/world-population/population-by-country/

https://worldpopulationreview.com/continents

1 in 6 humans lives in India.

1 in 6 humans lives in China.

1 in 5 humans lives in Africa

6 out of 10 humans live in Asia

Donnie thinks he's hot shit but he's actually a mocked fool around the world.

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Steve in SoCal's avatar

Oof, Glll

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michellefromchicago's avatar

🤦🏼‍♀️ X 1,000

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Evelyn Freitas's avatar

🤯

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Ann Anderson's avatar

Donald's in it for the costumes. Pope drag is truly fabulous and I say that in a sincere, nurturing way.

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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

absolutely. I was hoping to make that point by talking about all the gold

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shee-rah's avatar

Donnie already shits in a golden toilet, so he doesn’t need the one in the Vatican. One less reason to be Pope, especially since he’s already the Pope of Poop.

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Nancy Potter's avatar

Will he make it through the next four years without demanding a real-life Generalissimo uniform complete with a record quantity of gold braid?

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longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

Oh, he'll be wearing it at his birthday parade. Probably already being measured for it now.

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michellefromchicago's avatar

I have been suspecting that tfg will appear at his parade in some sort of getup that echoes Mussolini or Kim Jong Un

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meryl selig's avatar

Nancy: I agree and think he WILL come up with some kind of king-y or generalissimo costume.

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Clarke Shaw's avatar

He would be best as a dead pope.

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Joanne Filipo's avatar

🤣🤣🤣

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Terry's avatar

St. Upid

(Wins the Internet.)

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Jennifer's avatar

I can hear some MAGAs now: "Upid isn't a word, libtard! Cry harder"

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Rick Calegari's avatar

Hands down.

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Maggie&Lefty's avatar

Brother, am I ever so slow on the uptake, thanks for clearing it for me. 🤓

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Celine's avatar

I still like the Rosary and the Memorare got me through the death of my grown son from Covid.

But I haven't darkened the door of a Catholic church in decades, and would likely burst into flame if I did. I am not blind to the evils done in the name of god, nor the good.

So I was shocked by my sheer overwhelming fury at the audacity and ignorance of this grotesquely damaged humanoid husk, filled with only the most rotted of human impulses, wearing an Edgar suit and picturing himself as pope.

And yes, all his other wrongdoing infuriates me even more.

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Dina's avatar

I'm a full-blown atheist (but raised Lutheran) and I'M offended by his papal cosplay.

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Sharon Senkiew's avatar

I’m a born-again heathen (raised Catholic), and I find it offensive- just like everything else he does/says.

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Mindy OkayIloveyoubyebye's avatar

My sincerest condolences on the loss of your beloved son, Celine. May his memory be eternal.

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Celine's avatar

Thank you so very much for your kind thoughts. They mean so much.

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Mindy OkayIloveyoubyebye's avatar

I posted something last night about people who wish to talk about a child they lost. I would love to hear about your son, but only if and when you're ready. Please know I mean no offense.

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jcali129's avatar

This is just an AI mistake. The headgear was supposed to be a white pointed hood with two eye holes.

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Irascible Ink's avatar

I'm surprised no one's put a poop emoji on his head yet.

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Dina's avatar

I've actually seen that meme on FB!

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shee-rah's avatar

And they forgot the white sheet.

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Lisa's avatar

Holy water super soaker! Holy shite!

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Steve in SoCal's avatar

Sure it's not pee?

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Joe Witkowski's avatar

His Evilness, Pope Hamburglar I

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monimuikko's avatar

... and there goes my coffee !

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Cyndi Merrill's avatar

I wonder ... What the uberconservative Catholics on the Subprime Court feel about "Trump as Pope"?

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Susan Niemann's avatar

Amy Coney Barrett probably needed vapors. 🙄

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Charles Austin's avatar

😂😂

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HI2thDoc's avatar

There are probably some Catholics everywhere, besides SCOTUS, who are so hung up on being pro-forced birth/anti-choice that they could care less.

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Sharon Hudnall's avatar

I can see Alito smilling at the thought of a papal pardon from Trump and his crazy wife hanging an upside down vatican flag in their front yard.

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Even as she roots for the overturning of our system of laws, those very laws and the vast majority of us who believe in them are prevented from hanging the likes of her and her shitbrained husband upside down

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Dave Drell's avatar

If only we could do that…

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HI2thDoc's avatar

It can be done, but it’s not how things are supposed to work in America. And us on this side aren’t the violent lawless assholes that the MAGAt insurrectionists are

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meryl selig's avatar

Right??? Super catholic Justice Barrett. Kavanaugh is about as shallow as it gets so his faith is like no measure of anything.

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-Comment-'s avatar

This part caused me explosive laughter:

“is he signalling to a bartender, ‘no thanks, I’ve already had enough’? that seems pretty fucking unlikely.”

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Dina's avatar

I thought he was signaling to the bartender, "Only three more, I gotta drive."

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Robert Eckert's avatar

My imagination went a little darker. I thought maybe he'd cut off his pinkie finger to appease his boss in the Yakuza.

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arne link's avatar

You are my people,

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-Comment-'s avatar

HA!

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Hollie Rood's avatar

Yup. Right there with you 🤣🤣

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Carol's avatar

Great one, indeed!

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arne link's avatar

I think there is some resistance within. Too many sneaky snarks. Bravo to the resistance. I would pray for friendly fire but he's never near live fire. Sad.

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Hollie Rood's avatar

Love you all 😍

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Mary Hall's avatar

Rethuglicans lost their shit when Obama wore a tan suit in the summer, but they are cool with T💩p dressing up as Pope when the fker isn’t even Catholic. Oy!

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Alison Parker's avatar

Jeff, this title made me laugh so hard I snorted and woke the cat up. Thank you, sir.

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justjulie's avatar

Pope Francis was the closest Pope to Jesus in my lifetime. He truly walked the talk. He faced much criticism over his ideals in the beginning.

I’m not a good Catholic, I haven’t been to Church in a long time. I find my peace in nature.

I’m a good person. I believe in helping others in any way I can.

Pope Francis made me feel like a good person.

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celeste k.'s avatar

That's lovely. I'm atheist, but the Pope was a truly benevolent individual, and I admire and respect that.

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Mary Hall's avatar

I'm a recovering Catholic and Pope Francis made me consider returning to the Church, only for about ten seconds, but still.

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eliza james's avatar

Anybody else here hoping this Maga Cult ends like Heaven's Gate? There are not enough professionals on the planet to de-program these cultists. It's going to require another form of natural selection.

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Mary Hall's avatar

Sigh, if only the Rapture was a real thing. All of the sanctimonious, holier-than-thou jerkholes would disappear and leave us TF alone to live our lives in peace. Goddess, if you're listening, I need you to call your misbehaving children home. RFN!!!

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