all hail Pope Fuckface the First

has Donny ever even cracked open a Bible?

Donny Convict is what would happen if the seven Deadly Sins became a real boy. let’s check them off: pride — yup. greed — you betcha. lust — just ask Ivanka. envy — no shit. gluttony — have you seen his waistline? wrath — ducked any ketchup bottles lately? sloth — the lazy fuck drives his golf cart right up onto the green.

therefore, it only makes sense to fast-track this guy to be the next pope, right?

no, wait — on what planet would Donny Deadlysins be an appropriate spiritual leader to billions of Catholics?

I’m no religious scholar, so someone please help me out. are popes generally picked from a pool of revenge-obsessed grievance-babies who get off on inflicting cruelty on the helpless? seems like the entirely wrong skill set to me. maybe if the College of Cardinals were conclaving to pick the next antichrist, then they could credibly come up with Donny.

nonetheless, the world’s most broken-inside narcissist posted this fuckmare abomination to his failing app.

all this, because some feckless reporter played right into Dear Leader’s vanity by shoving a microphone in his face and asking who do you like for pope?

reporter: “who do you want to be the next pope?”

Donny: “I’d like to be pope. that’d be my number one choice.”

who do you like as pope? it’s a dumb way to have even posed the question. it’s on the level of taking calls on sports-talk radio.

‘yeah, Donny from Queens here. I like Mickey Mantle. I think Vatican City could really use a power hitter who can go deep from both sides of the plate.’

you’ll be shocked, I’m sure, to learn that the Catholic Church is fucking horrified by Donny’s look at me, I’m popin’ it up antics.

“There is nothing clever or funny about this image, Mr. President. We just buried our beloved Pope Francis and the cardinals are about to enter a solemn conclave to elect a new successor of St. Peter. Do not mock us.”

here’s the beauty part. some MAGA numb-nuts actually tried to popesplain Real Popeitude right back to the Catholic Church.

“your pope was a fake. No real pope supports LGB, or cross dressing story hour. No real pope tells everyone to open their borders, but keeps his gates to the vatican closed. No real pope says trans genderism is acceptable.”

yeah, no.

you have to wonder if any of these dipshits who claim to be oh-so-religious have ever actually cracked open a Bible. spoiler alert: Jesus was all about love your neighbor, fucknut — no matter what.

do any of these hate-fueled cultists have any idea what a pope actually does? they’d probably shit a brick if they knew that the pope washes the feet of the faithful, as an act of service and humility.

ROME (CNS) — As Pope Francis poured water over their feet, dried them with a towel and kissed their feet, 12 women inmates at Rome’s Rebibbia prison wept.

The pope celebrated the evening Mass of the Lord’s Supper March 28 at the women’s prison under a tent set up outside.

can you imagine Pope Donny taking Pope Force One down to El Salvador to wash the feet of all those Venezuelans he disappeared into that slave-labor gulag? absolutely fucking not — but I can imagine him spending all of Easter Sunday golfing at Vatican-a-Lago.

do you think Donny even understands that the job of a pope entails mercy and humility? fuck no — all Donny knows is that a pope gets to sit on a gold throne, and wear a hat decorated with gold filigree much like the tatty crap he’s slapped on the Oval Office fireplace.

how much gold do I get? that’s the beginning and ending of Donny’s understanding of anything.

some days you have to just love the internet.

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meanwhile, it’s not just Dear Leader doing childish AI cosplay.

this is an actual not-tweet from an official Pentagon not-twitter account called “DOD Rapid Response.”

what the fuck is going on in this AI-generated bucket of slop? does not one person at the Pentagon actually look at this drek before they post it? because based on where the US flag is standing, Piss-Drunk Pete is on the wrong side of the border. he’s over in Mexico — and the Gun-Toting Bad Guys With All The Drugs have already gotten past him, with an unimpeded path to the border. so who is Pete “100% operationally controlling” as he impotently stands there with his three-fingered hand out?

is he signalling to a bartender, ‘no thanks, I’ve already had enough’? that seems pretty fucking unlikely.

but more to the point: who is this for? why does the Department of Defense have a “rapid response” not-twitter account? I seriously doubt that any of the cartels are following DOD Rapid Response on social media.

so who, then? I’ll tell you: it’s for one person, and one person only: Pete Kegstand. it’s so Drunkie McSignaltext can scroll through his phone and feel good about himself.

DOD Rapid Response is just one silly meme after another — because nothing says ‘efficiency in government’ more than we’ve got one homey at the Pentagon whose entire job is to shitpost.

apparently what’s going on here is that Doggie DOGE is impressed because Plastered Pete has used his Awesome Sword of Budget Cuts to slice six billion dollars out of the Pentagon budget — which is an odd thing to brag about when Dear Leader has just proposed giving Pete a cool trillion to blow on expensive toys.

look, at least the AI gave Pete the proper set of fingers this time.

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let’s go out on a really weird note.

MAGA is super fucking pumped over the notion of Donny becoming Pope, because of course they are. so naturally, they’re already passing around this completely batshit ketamine-fever-dream video. try not to let your jaw hit the floor as you watch it.

mixed in with scenes of almost-normal popery…

…is this fucking weirdness: Pope Donny serving McDonald’s.

…with the Space Nazi tarted up as a cardinal.

is there some part of the Catholic Mass that involves super-soakers?

and what the fucking fuck is this?

that’s my show for the day, folks. have a great Sunday.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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