Aileen Cannon is making my fucking head explode

Judge Fangirl pulls more fuckery in Florida

if I ever steal our nation’s most-closely-guarded nuclear secrets and stash them in the unspeakably ugly shitter of my vermin-infested Florida golf motel, I hope I get my own hand-picked fangirl judge to run interference for me.

if I ever take those state secrets and brag about their contents to my golf cronies — and then get the butler and the pool boy to destroy evidence of my crimes — I hope that my personal fangirl judge does everything she can to ensure I escape accountability forever.

in fact, should I ever declare that laws are bullshit and I can crime all I want, I hope that my bought-and-paid-for Federalist Society hacks on the Supreme Court go yeah, we should definitely look into this.

but of course I won’t get any of that shit, because there are two systems of justice in America: the kind that Little Donny Fuckface gets, and the kind the rest of us get.

Donny, of course, has been trying all along to get his Big Florida Classified Document Fuckery Trial put off until how about never — and up until now, Judge Fangirl has been playing along in very minor ways, content to nibble at the edges of the trial, putting off ruling on one small thing or another.

but on Tuesday she dropped the big fucking hammer and pulled a move that punted the whole trial into never-never land — and there’s not one thing Jack Smith can do about it.

The federal judge in Florida presiding over the classified documents prosecution of former President Donald Trump has canceled the May 20 trial date, postponing it indefinitely.

what the fuck just happened?

for an answer, let’s back up to the beginning of this whole farce. way back in early 2023, Aileen Cannon — an inexperienced MAGA judge with no actual trial experience and who was appointed by Trump after he had already lost the 2020 election — made a couple of bone-headed rulings. the Eleventh Circuit quickly slapped her with a writ of are you out of your fucking mind, Aileen? — reversing both decisions.

By the time a federal grand jury indicted Trump in June 2023, Cannon had already raised eyebrows for her handling of the Mar-a-Lago search. Cannon ordered that the material seized in the search be reviewed by a “special master,” a third party who could determine whether any material should be excluded from the investigation because it was covered by attorney-client privilege. And Cannon went further: Until the review was done, prosecutors couldn’t use the material to move their investigation forward.

That stipulation was quickly reversed by an appeals court. A few months later, the same court dismissed the special master in highly critical terms.

after getting publicly smacked upside the head by the Eleventh, a humiliated Judge Fangirl was all fine, if all you meanies are going to do is reverse my rulings, then I just won’t make any rulings, and fuck you — because Donald Trump says I’m the prettiest judge.

since then, she’s held to her word. Donny’s ace team of parking garage lawyers will gin up some bullshit motion based on the flimsiest of pretexts, and instead of immediately ruling fuck no, are you insane? DENIED! as any sane judge would, Fangirl will mumble I’ll get back to you eventually and then go back to scrawling Mrs. Aileen Trump over and over across the cover of her notebooks.

how many of these unruled-upon motions are up in the air right now? THIRTEEN.

that’s right, Team Trump has filed thirteen penny-ante motions that should have been dealt with ages ago. pathetically weak-ass dipshittery like “motion to dismiss based on unlawful appointment and funding of Special Counsel” and “defendants’ motion to dismiss for insufficient pleading.”

thirteen pending decisions that The Man Who Convicts War Criminals In The Hague can’t do anything about, because if there’s no ruling, there’s nothing to appeal to the Eleventh Circuit.

and now, after deliberately dragging her feet for months, allowing all this crap to pile up, Judge Fangirl is giving up. there’s just too much on my plate, she’s saying, and so the trial is put off indefinitely.

this “there’s too much pending shit to have a trial” thing is a situation that Judge Fangirl deliberately engineered to help Donald Trump wriggle out of trouble — and Jack Smith can’t do jack about it, because trial dates are a judge’s prerogative.

delay delay delay is how Donny escapes justice — and Mrs. Aileen Trump has been more than willing to play along.

it’s maddening that this trial won’t happen before the election, because voters deserve to know that this criminal shithead has endangered our national security. as I wrote a month ago,

this should have been the first trial to go, because of all of Trump’s rampant criming, this one is the easiest-peasiest for the public to understand.

there doesn’t need to be any legal hair-splitting over what exactly does insurrection mean or is begging a secretary of state to “find” 11,780 votes, is that really interference?

this one’s cut and dried. Trump stole shit he wasn’t allowed to have: boxes upon boxes of our country’s most closely guarded secrets.

it’s maddening that an inexperienced MAGA hack like Judge Fangirl should have ever been appointed to the court.

it’s maddening to live in a world where one person gets special treatment and the rest of us are expected to bend over and take it.

and it’s maddening that a broken-inside felony factory was ever elected president in the first place.

and if all that isn’t maddening enough …

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if I’m ever caught red-handed committing election fraud, I hope I have unlimited resources that allow me to hire an entire team of expensive lawyers to spend hundreds of hours combing through the personal life of the prosecutor, until they find one thing that they can smear and go whining to the judge about. and when the motion to have Fani Willis removed from the case is denied, I hope that the MAGA judges on the Georgia Appeals Court do me a huge favor.

An appeals court in Georgia has agreed to take up former President Donald Trump’s appeal of the Fani Willis disqualification ruling that ultimately allowed her to remain on the Georgia election interference case — a move that could significantly delay the case against the former president.

The Georgia Court of Appeals, in a one-page order, said they would grant the request to review the ruling from Judge Scott McAfee.

great. just fucking great.

our only way out of this mess it to reelect Joe Biden — because lord help us all if King Fuckface the First gets back in power. that he’ll make all these criminal trials go bye-bye will be the least of our problems.

make sure your friends and family understand what’s at stake, and make sure they register and vote.

don’t give in to despair. we cannot afford to lose hope now. and fuck the dodgy polls that the worthless corporate-controlled media keeps shoving in our faces. the fact is that Donald Trump is vulnerable. two days ago, Indiana held their primary and the results were disastrous for Donny.

Former President Donald Trump faced warning signs in the Indiana GOP primary as former Republican rival Nikki Haley received more than 20 percent of the vote despite dropping out of the White House race two months ago.

almost a quarter of Indiana Republicans — 22% — refused to vote for Trump. and this is happening in state after state.

we can do this. we must do this.

and then we will all have the pleasure of seeing those guilty verdicts for Trump in 2025 — and watching him go down once and for all.