a war in the Middle East, but with morons. what could possibly go wrong?

spoiler alert: every fucking thing

oh look, Sundowning Grandpa Bloodthirst made a boom-boom — only this time, it wasn’t in his pants.

I swear, every day it’s just one goddamned thing after another.

the US has launched Operation Epstein Distraction, and we’re now at war with Iran. a ‘war’ — that’s Dear Leader’s own word for it. not a ‘military operation,’ or ‘limited airstrikes,’ or any of the other cutesy phrases past presidents have used to dance around the fact that only Congress has the Constitutionally-mandated power to declare war.

so, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei is dead — and so are 148 innocent Iranian schoolchildren — and, as I sit here typing this, Israel, Iran and the US are all lobbing bombs at each other.

now what?

considering that pesky business where Congress — and only Congress — can declare an actual war, wouldn’t you love it if their answer to ‘what’s going on’ were something better than ‘fuck if we know.’

Texas Senator John Cornyn: “I don’t know what the— what’s, uh— we’re all— I’m learning like you are, as the news unfolds, exactly what's happening.”

oh geez. seriously, John? once again, Donny does whatever the fuck he wants, shits all over the Constitution, and launches an illegal and unprovoked war in the middle of the night, without consulting Congress — because fuck you, that’s why — and all Republicans can do is scratch their asses and go ‘well, I guess so.’

fucking cowards.

Cornyn doesn’t know shit, because this war is being prosecuted from a partitioned-off dining room in Donny’s Florida golf motel.

Christ on a corroded crumb cake, not this rinky-dink clownfuckishness again. this is the exact same ahem ‘secure location’ they used when they kidnapped Maduro from Venezuela. because god forbid Dear Leader interrupt his weekend golf plans for, y’know, a war.

imagine just for a moment that Joe Biden had launched ginormous airstrikes while hanging out at his Delaware beach house. Republicans would have shit a massive, collective brick. but when Dear Leader does it, nary a peep.

once again, perfectly normal stuff, am I right?

Donny’s Totally Awesome War Room™ sure looks secure as fuck, doesn’t it?

“excuse me, is the omelette bar? oops, sorry.”

Donny Demento looks totally in charge, doesn’t he?

pro Commander-in-Chief tip: when going to war, don’t forget to slather twice the usual load of makeup all over your decomposing face, because, y’know, gravitas.

don’t worry folks. Donny’s brain may be out wandering where the buses don’t run — but the Arse of Free is on the job!

you would hope that when heading a Pentagon that’s now on a war footing, Flippy McCrushnuts would be more concerned with not dropping bombs on children than with posting awesome memes — but as Donald Rumsfeld so wisely counseled us during the Iraq debacle, ‘sometimes you go to war with the piss-drunk Secretary of Defense you have, not the piss-drunk Secretary of Defense you want.’

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once again, Preznit Fuckwit has Yosemite-Sammed himself into a foreign policy crisis by shooting first and thinking never.

our allies are aghast, Dubai’s main airport is on fire, and even Donny’s despot bestie Putin is all ‘dude, what the fuck?’

Russian President Vladimir Putin said the killing of Khamenei was “a cynical violation of all norms of human morality and international law.”

so let me ask again — what’s the plan? because if you’re going to avoid destabilizing an entire region of the planet, it helps to have a fucking plan.

Jim Wright (a.k.a. Stonekettle), am I right?

So, Iran’s leaders are dead. Allegedly.

Now what?

That's not rhetorical question. Now what? What’s the plan? More bombing? Stop bombing? What? What’s the plan? We spent billions, and we killed what? Five, six, ten of the regime’s leaders and ... what? A western style democracy friendly to the US will arise spontaneously? Most of the country is intact. All of the Iranian military and IRGCs is intact. They’re just going to lay down their ideology and embrace the West?

Is that it?

oh wait, Donny does have a plan: he’s crossing his fingers and hoping that everything works out for the best. there it is, buried towards the bottom of this incoherent mess of a social media post.

“Hopefully, the IRGC and Police will peacefully merge with the Iranian Patriots, and work together as a unit to bring back the Country to the Greatness it deserves.”

wait, that’s it? we’re going to be hopeful that everything magically turns out hunky-dory? that the Iranian people are going to what, click their heels together three times?

Ayatollah Khamenei is gone. you’re welcome, Iranians, now go figure out all that ‘regime change’ shit on your own.

does not one of these nitwits understand that killing the bros at the top of the food chain does not a victory make? this shithole mess is far from over.

House Intelligence Committee member Rep. Rick Crawford: “this is not over, because [the Iranian government has] a succession plan, and we don’t really know what that succession plan looks like.”

Iran has a line of succession, just as we do — so there’s going to be some Vice Ayatollah Couchfuck McTurban ready to take over, and be just as repressive a bastard as Khamenei was.

but Donny can’t be bothered by any of that ‘what comes next’ shit. he’s just going to wipe his hands and throw the Iranian people to the wolves, because psychopaths gonna psychopath.

let’s revisit some words Timothy Snyder posted last June, when Donny claimed to have ‘completely obliterated’ Iran’s nuclear program.

pay particular attention to numbers four and five:

4. Wars are unpredictable
5. Wars are easy to start and hard to stop

wars are easy to start and hard to stop — particularly when the US president is a banty rooster dipshit high on his own supply.

careful there, Commander Bone Spurs, Four Seasons Total Landscaping is going want their Peace Prize back.

what is this ‘force that has never been seen before’? I’m asking, because we all saw Japan get nuked twice during World War Two. so whatcha got, Donny, that outdoes that?

I swear, it’s like watching schoolchildren have a playground fight. ‘I’ll hit you so hard, your head will fall off!’

don’t you wish you lived in a world where the president didn’t fart out ludicrous threats on social media? what the fuck ever happened to diplomacy? it’s all so eternally embarrassing.

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meanwhile, John Fetterman is cordially invited to fuck all the way off.

“it’s truly incredible. and let me just say, like, all the naysayers, you know, all these so-called experts, aren’t you ever tired of being wrong about this? you know, everybody claimed that this was gonna turn into, like, a huge disaster, or things could get out of control, but that’s just absolutely not what happened. and what America and Israel accomplished today was profound.”

this fucking turncoat bastich is out here declaring ‘mission accomplished,’ and praising Donny to high heaven — on Hannity’s show, of all places.

way to totally obliterate your chances of ever getting reelected, asshole.

I can’t even believe I’m saying this, but in a world of John Fettermans, be a Marjorie Spork Toes Greene.

former Congresswoman Sporky is still eternal trash, but isn’t it nice to see one Republican willing to call all these warmongers ‘sick fucking liars’?

and, lastly, if we are going to be forced to endure Operation Epstein Diversion, here’s an idea we can all get behind.

that’s right, DraftBarronTrump.com is a real website, and it’s fucking hilarious.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.