what the fuck is going on with Glitch McConnell?

is he like, y’know ... dead?

exactly how much do Republicans totally fucking suck?

here’s how much: they’re playing fast and loose with the health status of a sitting Senator, just to game the system for political advantage.

three weeks ago, Mitch McConnell was rushed to the hospital. We the People were never officially told why — and, since then, we haven’t been told shit about his prognosis.

is he getting better? is he getting worse? has he already shuffled off to that Great Terrarium in the Sky?

this whole story has stunk out loud since the beginning.

not since Preznit Fuckwit’s Miracle Ear-Nicking™ have we been keep this much in the dark about a major politico’s medical situation. all we know for sure is that on Sunday, June 14th, ‘Senator McConnell was admitted to the hospital this morning. he is receiving excellent care.’

Julie Tsirkin@news_jul

Statement from Senator McConnell spox, David Popp: “Senator McConnell was admitted to the hospital this morning. He is receiving excellent care.”

5:38 PM · Jun 14, 2026 · 24.4K Views

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11 Replies · 23 Reposts · 62 Likes

anyone who wanted additional information was cordially invited to go fuck themself.

what the hell? Mitch McConnell is 84 years old. he’s in the shittiest of health, he’s glitched up and frozen in public numerous times, and he’d already been hospitalized last February for ‘flu-like symptoms.’ and now he’s been hospitalized again, and no one is saying shit about his condition? and they’re getting away with it?

perfectly normal stuff, am I right?

and then, four days ago, we get this big hunking slice of Holy Shit Pie.

Paramedics in Washington D.C. found an “unconscious” person in U.S. Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.)’s home on June 14, according to reports of the 911 call.

In the audio, a dispatcher says the person had experienced “cardiac arrest.” A paramedic can then be heard saying, “CPR in progress.”

While McConnell’s name isn’t mentioned, the address that paramedics responded to is known to be the 84-year-old senator’s address.

wait a minute, wait a minute — what the fuck is going on? ‘someone’ — they never say who — was already unconscious and in cardiac arrest and received CPR at Mitch McConnell’s house on the same morning McConnell was rushed to the hospital? and McConnell’s people still won’t say shit about his condition?

In a new statement Thursday afternoon, a spokesperson confirmed McConnell remains in the hospital after more than two weeks.

“[He] appreciates the outpouring of support he’s receiving while he continues his recovery,” the statement continued. “The Senator continues to improve, and is working closely with his staff on Kentucky and Senate matters while the Senate is out of session.”

fuck you. prove that ‘the Senator continues to improve.’ show us photos. prove to us that Mitch McConnell isn’t pining for the fjords.

how is this not a scandal? why are McConnell’s people being allowed to no-comment their way out of what should be a major story? an 84-year-old, unconscious and in cardiac arrest, doesn’t just bounce back from the kind of vigorous CPR that would be needed to revive them.

how are the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media not asking a million questions about this?

in the absence of facts, all we have is speculation. so let’s take that speculation to the darkest place possible: what if Mitch McConnell is already dead, and his handlers are keeping it a secret?

here’s where it gets super fucking ghoulish — because if Old Glitch is not just merely dead, but really most sincerely dead, Republicans have ample reason for keeping that fact hidden.

There are at least two reason they might not want to update us on McConnell’s condition:

-In Kentucky, a special election to replace a Senator will NOT be called if it’s closer than 3 months till the next election.

-That date is August 3rd.

apparently, the thinking goes, Republicans hate Thomas Massie so much that they’re perpetrating a massive cover-up just so he can’t run in the special election that would be called if McConnell’s death (or resignation due to incapacitation) were announced prior to August 3rd.

Republicans may be running out the clock on disclosing whether McConnell is even alive, purely so a filing deadline slides past and Thomas Massie can't grab the seat. A man's actual mortality reduced to a procedural loophole for gatekeeping power.

yes, that’s how much Republicans totally fucking suck.

now, consider this: how deliciously ironic would it be if the shitweasel who politicized the deaths of Antonin Scalia and Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and exploited those deaths for his own party’s advantage, ended up having his own corpse being used as a political pawn?

and on that note, let’s give the final word to Bluesky user Ian Boudreau, who wins the entire internet with this comment.

“he died doing what he loved best.”

he did, didn’t he?

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meanwhile, it was Interior Secretary Doug Burgum who drew the short straw and was forced to go on all the Sunday shows to defend the bullshit prosecution of US Olympian David Hearn for heinous crime of Grand Theft Paint Chips.

Dana Bash: “but it peeled off. why? why did that happen?”

Doug Burgum: “it didn’t peel off. there was— there was— there was vandalism. there was box— box cutters, there have been seven arrests.”

Bash: “and you’re 100% sure that what happened with the liner was vandalism. you can prove it.”

Burgum: “absolutely. we’ve got all the photographs.”

Bash: “you’ve got photographs of people cutting a 350-foot gash in the bottom of the reflecting pool?”

Burgum: “Dana, I’m not sure why and others in the media keep trying to question it.”

spoiler alert: we’re all questioning it because you have no fucking evidence. there’s more evidence that Mitch McConnell is alive than there is that someone slashed the Pool with a box cutter.

the only ‘evidence’ is Dear Leader’s fever-swamp hallucination of imaginary vandalism that never happened. and now, his entire administration has to pretend in lockstep that the delusional fantasies of a demented old dumbfuck are real.

it would be hilarious, if actual innocent people weren’t having their lives turned upside down.

Dana Bash: “there is an Olympian — David Hearn — who was indicted for vandalism. the maximum sentence is ten years in prison. he says he didn't do anything other than reach into the reflecting pool, and pull out and look at a piece of the liner that had already been cut. do you really think he should face a 10 year sentence for doing this? this is somebody who competed for America.”

Burgum: “you can be a former governor, you can be a former this, you can be a former that, but just because you were a former something doesn’t exclude you from the law.”

wait, just because you were a former something doesn’t exclude you from the law?

gee, that’s good to know.

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is there one thing on this planet that the malignant toad in the Oval Bordello can’t manage to wipe his foul stench all over?

why the fuck is this asshole being allowed to meddle in a sportsball championship?

President Trump called Gianni Infantino, the president of FIFA, in the hours after the United States men’s soccer team played Wednesday and asked him to review the suspension of the team’s top goal scorer in the World Cup, Folarin Balogun, after he was given a red card, according to four people familiar with the conversation.

On Sunday, FIFA reversed the suspension, announcing that Mr. Balogun would be eligible to play Monday against Belgium.

is there a more corrupt and compromised sports organization on the planet than FIFA? remember, these are the same brainiacs who ginned up a fake peace prize just to stroke the ego of our broken-inside president — and now, just because Donny called up and whined about the suspension of a US player, that suspension has been reversed?

how is this not a major scandal? how is every other World Cup team not shitting white-hot roofing nails right now?

thanks a lot, Donny — now any possible US victory in this World Cup will be forever tainted, because the rules were shitcanned so that some colicky piss-baby could once again get his way.

how many World Cup trophies is this felonious fuck going to be allowed to steal?

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let’s do some Daily Claudia.

I’ve been going through Ms Spouse’s phone, looking for selfies. here’s one from January 23, 2022.

and here’s one from May 15, 2025.

have a great Monday, everyone. remember, just because you were a former something doesn’t exclude you from the law.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.