welcome to the Republican nervous breakdown

everything is fine!

it’s Day Two of the GOP’s post-election hangover, and all your favorite perfectly normal Republicans are having perfectly normal reactions to the perfectly normal experience of having their electoral asses kicked.

let’s check in with Donny Convict’s favorite drag performer, the newly-pardoned Kitara Ravache George Santos.

oh dear.

“Fuck you @CurtisSliwa I HATE YOU, your dumb wife, that stupid Beret of yours and all your fucking cats!”

perfectly normal stuff, am I right?

this is one of those tweets where you see it and you go ‘nah, that can’t be real. someone photoshopped that’ — but no, it’s right there on Elon’s Nazi Bar, for all to see.

seriously, though — the cats? come on, hating on cats is over the line. and I must have missed something, because what did Sliwa’s wife do?

I just googled “Curtis Sliwa’s wife’ and it turns out he’s had four of them. I’ll bet Curtis is a joy to be married to.

apparently, Georgy Porgy Pudding and Pardoned isn’t the only Republican who’s pissed at Sliwa for not dropping out.

listen to foul-mouth David Rem, a failed NYC mayoral candidate who claims to be a childhood friend of Donny Convict.

David also seems nice.

“hey, Curtis — you’re a fucking scumbag like I said all along, all these months. you fucking got eight percent of the vote. you split the fucking vote for the seven fucking million dollars. you are a scumbag. I hope every New Yorker spits in your fucking face, every single day. you fucking sold out, like fucking Judas sold out fucking Jesus for the thirty fucking coins of silver. go fuck yourself.”

okay, I confess: I fucking love this David Rem guy. he has a way with words.

but let’s do a fact check on the math, because I’m sorry, but ‘Cuomo winning’ is not how any of this would have worked.

too bad, so sad, Republicans. if Curty Sli had dropped out and all his voters had gone for Cuomo, Toxic McSexpest would have still lost, 50.4% to 48.7%.

where’s the anger for Joseph Hernandez, whose 1,253 votes denied Cuomo the victory that God ordained was rightly his? way to turn NYC into a Marxist dystopian hellscape, you selfish prick. wait, how would David Rem have put it? you fucking fuck.

down in Georgia, Mike Collins is also have a perfectly normal one.

“Launch the nuke.”

where? at New York? sounds like overkill to me. does Mike not realize that Curtis Sliwa’s cats would be in the kill zone?

Mike’s previous solution to losing an election at least kept the carnage to a minimum.

Collins was so enraged about Donny Fuckwit having lost the 2020 election that he made a campaign ad in which he AR-15’d the shit out of a voting machine.

perfectly normal stuff.

---

let’s check in with area amnesiac Holy Mike Johnson and see what he’s forgotten about today.

“there were no surprises. what happened last night is blue states and blue cities voted blue. we all saw that coming. and no one should read too much into last night’s election results.”

PRAISE THE LORD, IT’S A MIRACLE! HOLY MIKE HAS BEEN HEALED!

look at that — Holy Mike actually remembers that there was an election on Tuesday.

seriously, didn’t you expect Mike’s answer to have been ‘election? I just got here, I haven’t heard about any election.’

but listen to the weak tea that’s dribbling out of Mike’s lips. ‘what’s all the ruckus? everything is fine. it was just Democrats voting for Democrats. no biggie. now let’s just focus on what’s important: making sure the Dead Pedo Bestie Files never see the light of day.’

that’s right, ‘everything is fine’ is the copium that the establishment GOP has decided to shoot straight into its veins.

here’s Texas Rep. Dan Crenshaw, toeing the new Republican line.

Hot take from last night: Despite the media narrative, there was no “victory” for democrats last night. They just won elections in the places they’d be expected to win elections. And to all the rich white liberals in NYC that don’t understand how their conservative parents made the money that pays for their SoHo apartment - you better pray your new mayor can’t implement even a fraction of the deeply stupid policies he favors. Good luck NYC.

oh really, Dan? it was just ‘Democrats voting for Democrats’?

then how do you explain what just happened in Mississippi?

I’m pretty sure it’s not even legal to be a Democrat in deeply-red Mississippi, yet the Dems flipped enough seats in the Mississippi Senate to break the long-standing Republican supermajority there.

what about the Wichita, Kansas School Board?

NEW: Dems flip Wichita School Board from a 4-3 GOP majority to a 5-2 Democratic majority. Democratic candidates Amy Warren and Amy Jensen defeated Republican incumbents Hazel Stabler and Kathy Bond.

Kansas is another one of those states where Democrats are rare as hen’s teeth, yet the Dems won local elections all over the place.

look what happened in the Republican stronghold of Buck’s County PA.

Two of Tuesday’s school board elections were in Bucks County, Pa., which was considered “ground zero” for right-wing groups’ takeover of school boards in 2021. A few years ago, conservatives on these boards in Pennbridge and Central Bucks districts were using their roles to pass policies targeting LGBTQ+ students and banning books.

Democrats flipped control of both boards in 2023, and on Tuesday, they ousted every Republican from both of these boards, except for one. The Pennbridge school board is now 8-1, with Democratic members in control. The Central Bucks school board is 9-0.

and look what went down in Crenshaw’s own state of Texas.

We even won in Lockhart, which sits in a district so red that Democrats normally don’t even run. We had a clean sweep in Cy-Fair ISD, another deeply red area that not even Greg Abbott could save your party. In SD-9, another red district, we saw an 8 point shift for the Democrat.

---

Republicans, everything is not fine. open your eyes.

but sure, absolutely — keep it up, dumb-asses. keep pretending everything is fine. keep ostritching your heads right into the sand. keep ignoring the needs of We the People. keep kowtowing to Dear Leader and his oligarch pals. keep pissing on our heads and telling us it’s raining.

keep ignoring the lesson of Tuesday’s election.

see where it gets you.

oh, and please — pretty please — keep spewing tone-deaf shit like this.

“the economy and healthcare are two of the primary issues in the country clearly, and that’s why we are delighted to run on our record. we are addressing that. we are delivering for the people.”

this is where Republicans fail — because they can fart out all the fever-dream fairy tales they want about how the economy is awesome, and Dear Leader’s going to get everyone a pony, but voters who live in the real world know it’s all bullshit.

tell someone who just lost their SNAP befits about how Republicans ‘are delivering for the people.’ tell it to someone who just emptied their wallet buying a week’s worth of groceries. tell it to someone who just found out their healthcare premiums are tripling.

Republicans, please run on your record, because your record fucking sucks. if things keep going the way they’ve been going, next year’s elections are going to make what happened two days ago seem tame by comparison.

---

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

---

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

892 / 981