Trump E. Coyote is off the cliff and in deep denial about how truly fucked he is

the clock is still ticking, numbnuts

financially, Donald Trump is Wile E. Coyote right now, twenty feet past the edge of the cliff and refusing to look down.

he’s in complete denial about how truly screwed he is, and he still imagines he’s fully in control of the situation.

the fuck you are, numbnuts.

about 1:30pm yesterday my phone started blowing up with notifications from every news outlet. they all reported more or less the same story: Trump Appeals New York Civil Fraud Verdict.

“huh, where did Trump get the money?” I said to myself, as I started tapping on the notifications, eager to find out — because remember, Trump can’t appeal without first ponying up 120% of the $465 million (and counting) he’s on the hook for after losing the Big Trump Family Business Fraud Fuckery Trial.

but that initial rush of reporting made no mention of money — because, in a mad dash to post a scoop, the press once again breathlessly reported only what Team Trump told them: that he’d filed an appeal. end of story.

thanks again, media!

so what really happened? let’s turn to MSNBC legal analyst Katie Phang:

SIDEBAR: Trump filed a “Notice of Appeal.” He must pay filing fees to the appellate ct & then file an Initial Brief. In the meantime, TO STOP COLLECTIONS on the $454 million+ judgment, he must post a bond. If he doesn’t, then @NewYorkStateAG can start collecting on the judgment.

To be clear, Trump can appeal all he wants, but if wants to keep his stuff, he better come up with the bond.

And I have yet to see him post the bond for @ejeancarroll’s second defamation judgment (the $83.3 million dollar one)…

so what happened is that Trump basically filed an essentially meaningless piece of paper: an intent to appeal. nothing has changed. the clock is still ticking down — and Donny is still fucked-er than fucked if he can’t come up with hundreds of millions of dollars by March 25.

Letitia James has made it clear that she can’t wait to start grabbing Trump properties the moment that Deadbeat Don can’t fork over the moolah.

Four days after a judge ordered former President Donald Trump to pay $354 million in his civil fraud case, New York Attorney General Letitia James told ABC News that she is prepared to seize the former president's assets if he is unable to find the cash to cover the fine.

"If he does not have funds to pay off the judgment, then we will seek judgment enforcement mechanisms in court, and we will ask the judge to seize his assets," James said in an interview with ABC News' Aaron Katersky.

so why did Trump file a toothless document?

your guess is as good as mine. who the fuck knows what goes on in that tangle of coked-up squirrels that passes for Trump’s brain.

chance are good that Little Donny was chucking ketchup bottles right and left and screaming DO SOMETHING, YOU FUCKING FUCKS at his few remaining lawyers, and this is the best they could come up with to mollify him.

and then Alina Habba came up to Trump — bigger and stronger than she’d ever seemed before — and with tears of gratitude welling up in her botoxed eyes, murmured “sir! sir! we’ve filed a notice of appeal!”

Donny, for his part, has been up to his usual whining on his crappy app, demanding IN ALL CAPS that all prosecutions of him are UNCONSTITUTIONAL and MUST BE IMMEDIATELY HALTED.

The Very Strict Rules and Regulations of the Department of Injustice STATE CLEARLY that you can’t prosecute a Political Opponent, or anyone, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS/HER CAMPAIGN. Why didn’t they bring these FAKE Charges THREE YEARS AGO? That would have solved all of their problems. (The answer is that they AIMED for the various trials to come up during my campaign for President, 2024!). This includes DOJ subservient “subsidiaries” like local D.A. & A.G. Offices. In other words, all of these FAKE POLITICAL PROSECUTIONS (PERSECUTIONS!) OF CROOKED JOE BIDEN’S POLITICAL OPPONENT MUST BE IMMEDIATELY HALTED!

that’s not how it works, fuck-o. that’s not how any of this works.

hey Donny, can we talk?

it’s game over for you, bro. these aren’t the 1980s any more. your days of intimidating lower-court judges and bribing prosecutors to ignore your crimes and running to the banks for more sketchy loans are over.

the clock is ticking, homeslice. wake the fuck up. you’re going to have to make some tough decisions — fast. which of your tacky golf motels do you sell first?

hey, you know what? never mind any of what I just said. just keep up the good work, Donny. you’re doing awesome. don’t worry about the cliff you just ran off — you’re fucking aces as long as you don’t look down.

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meanwhile, the media atrocities continue. the Michigan primary is today, and the New York Times isn’t bothering to wait for the results — they’ve already decided on the narrative.

A protest vote against President Biden’s policies on Israel will show the extent of Democratic divisions, while Donald Trump is favored to win again as Nikki Haley presses on. Here’s what to watch for in Michigan’s primaries.

got that? no matter what happens, Trump’s a winner and Joe Biden’s support is divided.

why the fuck are we even having an election? let’s just hand King Fuckface the First his crown, and save the Times the trouble of having to print any more of this rancid bullshit between now and November.