this week in stupid: September 30 edition

Trump can't dress, McCarthy is a mess, and so much more ...

Jeff Tiedrich

Sep 30, 2023

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as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.

sunday: at least Hitler knew how to wear a mustache

Washington Post columnist Kathleen Parker has a hot new opinion that she can’t wait to share with you.

look, Donald Trump may be a megalomaniacal moron who dreams of becoming America’s Dictator For Life, but at least he knows how to dress.

excuse me? on what planet does the guy who wears cheap shapeless suits and a shithole tie that goes down to his fucking knees know how to dress?

on what planet does smearing a quart of bronzer on your face and topping it off with a fucked-up rat’s nest of cotton-candy bullshit on top of your vacant pumpkin head qualify as knowing how to dress?

wait a minute — Kathleen Parker. hey, where have we heard that name before? oh yeah, she’s the author of this war crime, published four days before the 2016 election.

say what you want about Kathleen Parker, at least the woman knows how to be wrong.

monday: Jesse Watters does his own research

folks, Fox News found object Jesse Watters has it all figured out:

“Jeff Bezos, the world’s third-richest man has joined the CIA to move the Democrat machine against Biden.”

ok, I know what all those words mean by themselves, but when you put them together in that order, it just makes my head hurt.

be forewarned: Thanksgiving is just around the corner. be prepared to hear this bit of dipshittery coming out of the mouth of your racist Uncle Bob, as you ask him to pass the stuffing.

tuesday: jOe BiDeN iN nEw ScAnDaL sHoCkEr

oh my god, what has Joe done now? did he go to the beach? is his wife a teacher? did his dog bite another Secret Service agent?

I’m sorry, what?

Joe Biden wears sneakers?

the short stairs?

oh, for fuck’s sake.

wednesday: another media atrocity

you may have heard that on Tuesday, Joe Biden stood on a picket line with striking auto workers. and you may have heard that on Wednesday, Donald Trump addressed a crowd of striking auto workers.

you may have even seen this photo:

unfortunately, only half of what you heard was true — the “Joe Biden stood on a picket line” part — and the photo was complete bullshit.

first off, Trump did not speak to striking workers. he spoke to non-union workers who were very much on the job.

secondly, see that person holding an “auto worker for Trump” sign? not an auto worker — and the person holding the “union members for Trump” sign? not a union member. they were Trump-hired stooges.

but because our lazy corporate-controlled media merely functions as stenographers, they dutifully printed the lies that Team Trump told them. it took more than a day for the truth to come out — in the foreign press — but by then, the damage was done. in the minds of the public at large, both Biden and Trump spoke to striking workers.

another ace job, media. pat yourselves on the back.

thursday: imagine being this much of a fragile fucking dipshit

in all fairness, you’d have to be some kind of fucking dipshit to fire someone for agreeing that you’re a fucking dipshit.

what kind of fucking dipshit does that?

friday: it’s not Kevin McCarthy’s fault that he’s shit at his job

barring some miracle, our government will shut down at midnight tonight, when it runs out of money. the fault for this sits squarely in the lap of feckless and incompetent Kevin McCarthy, the House Speaker who couldn’t speak his way out of a fucking paper bag.

Kevin wants you to know that it’s not really his fault. look, over there at the Senate!

those stupid worthless Senators — look at them, they think they’re so cool. why aren’t they doing anything to help?

twitterers were quick to point out that not only is McCarthy shit at his job, he doesn’t even seem to know what his job is.

Kevin, not only are you a complete fucking failure, you can’t even lie well.

saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.

have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.