this week in stupid: October 7 edition

Elon at the border, Republicans in disorder, and so much more ...

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.

saturday: sounds like someone is overcompensating for something

Elon Musk went to the Texas border for a photo op, and instead of getting the adoration he expected, everyone on social media ridiculed the shit out of him because the silly dipshit was wearing his stupid cowboy hat backwards.

because thin-skinned overgrown man-baby plutocrats are apparently now a permanent fixture in our world, he took to his failing app to insist that NO, I’M A BIG BOY … WITH AN ARSENAL.

“arsenal.” who the fuck talks like that?

and sure enough, Fragile McExplodingcar posted his big manly video.

what a ludicrous goober.

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sunday: uhhhhhhhhhh

on Sunday, future convict Donald Trump held a hate-rally in Iowa and his dimwit worshipers clearly brought their A-games. here we have some fringe-channel right-wing reporter catching up with three staunch trumpanzees, and their repartee is something to behold.

“what are you looking forward to hearing today?”
“ummmmm.”
“what do you want Trump to do in a second term?”
“ummmmm.”

it’s a shame that Joe Biden’s hellish economy is in such poor shape that these three hard-working Americans — the salt of the earth — are being forced to share one brain cell.

stock up on xanax early, it’s going to be a long fucking campaign season.

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monday: blessed are the corporate fraudsters

Monday was Little Donny Fuckface’s big day in court. but don’t worry, folks, he wasn’t alone.

he had his Jewish lawyer with him.

and when there was only one set of footprints, that’s when Jesus realized he wasn’t getting paid.

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tuesday: great moments in petty bullshit

Tuesday was the day that Matt Gaetz had his Big Mad with Kevin MCarthy and got all his friends to vote Kevin off the island.

and while we we’re still without a permanent replacement for McCarthy, we do have an Acting Speaker of the House.

meet Patrick McHenry, Republican Rep from North Carolina — a man with a heart as big as all outdoors.

wait a minute, did I just say that Patrick has a big heart? what I meant to say is that McHenry is a petty little vindictive shit, because his very first act as Almost A Real Speaker was to order Nancy Pelosi and Steny Hoyer to vacate their offices.

it’s good to know that even though Republicans are neck-deep in their infantile intra-party warfare, they can still find the time to act like complete dicks. how fucking heartwarming.

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wednesday: a new kind of shotgun wedding

so, this happened:

His plan involved shooting a blank from a revolver into the air to signal to the roughly 200 people gathered on Saturday that the outdoor ceremony, which he was officiating, was about to begin. But when Gardner cocked back the hammer of the gun, it slipped, and the homemade blank that he had used, which was closed off with glue, fired from the Pietta 1860 snub-nose revolver that he had borrowed, he said.

As the bride was about to walk down the aisle, what was supposed to be a day of love in Denton, Neb., turned into one of unexpected panic: The wedding officiant accidentally shot his 12-year-old grandson in the shoulder.

wait, that’s not the stupid part — that’s the tragic part.

this is the stupid part:

Despite the shooting, Gardner finished officiating the wedding.

just another day in the United States of Guntopia.

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thursday: great moments in things that have never happened

the cool thing about being a Republican is that you can just blurt out whatever harebrained notions are rattling around in your empty head, and all your fellow wingnuts will nod sagely and agree that SoMeThInG mUsT bE dOnE!

check out this slice of fucknuttery:

“I happen to know a young lady who was tragically raped by multiple members of an athletic team, and because of that, she decided to transition. she was not allowed to consider — because our mental health situation doesn’t allow it — she was not allowed to consider the tragedy that was that rape. what she was encouraged to do was, ‘if you’re uncomfortable in your body, you should change it,’ and she’s gone through a transition, because she’s afraid of men.”

and now off we go on a new moral crusade — we must do something about all the women who are being forced to transition — which, trust me, is not happening to anyone anywhere at any time.

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friday: some of you dipshits could use some reprogramming

on Friday, the feral rats that live inside failed comedian Greg Gutfield’s head finally chewed through all the wires, and he used his Fox News slot to go on a long paranoid rant about Democrats rounding up Republicans and sending them off to camps to be ‘reprogrammed.’

“they are coming for you. they’re just no longer hiding it.”

and with that, the wingnut outrage-industrial complex had their talking point. and they fucking ran with it.

by the end of the day, even Cokey McSniffles was blithering about it at a high-pitched mile a minute.

“if you vote for Democrats in 2024, you are literally voting to send your friends — maybe your conservative uncle — to the re-education camps.”

don’t threaten me with a good time, Junior.

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saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.

have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.

folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.