this week in stupid: November 9 edition
Junior hoovers it, Mindy maneuvers it, and so much more...
as another extremely stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.
sunday: don’t interrupt me when I’m mansplaining
life hack: don’t be this guy.
look, bro, we get it. those weird dangly bits down there between your legs confer upon you all the knowledge and understanding in the world — and, as such, you are granted the divine right to correct the errors made by all the silly womenfolk, who, by their dearth of crotch-danglage, lack the cognitive ability to grasp the simplest of concepts.
but for fuck’s sake, don’t mansplain the Handmaid’s Tale back to the woman who wrote it.
monday: a septum is a terrible thing to waste
look out, everyone — Cokey McSniffles Junior is as high as ten kites tonight.
“why would anyone — even a liberal celebrity — endorse Kamala Harris? well, one reason is because we’re seeing unpreceden…ted amounts of pay for play. again, none of this is organic. it’s a paid influencer operation. know that. the celebrities who are getting paid are getting probably paid in another way. they’re either on an Epstein list or a Diddy party list, or both. we all saw how magically, Diddy gets busted and all of a sudden, everyone’s endorsing the Democrat, just out of nowhere. huh. the people that were endorsing Trump, ‘well, we’re gonna go the other way now.’ I wonder why that is?”
um, what?
maybe someone with extensive experience with recreational drugs can explain to the rest of us: what pharmacological cocktail allows one to be coked to the fucking gills, yet at the same time be so sleepy that one can barely keep one’s eyes open?
is Junior trying to do all the drugs he can, now — before his father has all the dealers executed?
also, what’s up with the mug-shot porn behind Junior? who the fuck would want that nightmarish abomination staring at the back of their head? that’s some bad mojo, man.
tuesday: a plan so crazy it just might — wait, it did work
meet MAGA influencer Mindy Robinson.
Mindy’s spent the last four years trying to prove the 2020 election was stolen from Dear Leader. on Election Day, however, Mindy set her sights on a new goal: to prove that the 2024 election was going to be stolen from Dear Leader — and she’s come up with the most brilliant plan of all time. she’s not going to vote.
“I’m not voting, I want to see if [my ballot] gets counted while I didn’t do anything,” Robinson, who desperately wants Trump to win, tells WIRED at a Las Vegas restaurant on Saturday morning. “I want to see it magically show up as counted. It’s the only fucking thing I can do at this point.”
I’m liking this idea! I only wish that all of MAGA had joined Mindy in her quest to not vote. it would have made for a much less stressful rest of forever.
wednesday: welcome to life in Upisdownistan
hey, let’s check in on this college-age voter, and find out just why she pulled the lever for Donny.
“I like that he didn’t actually plan to ban abortion.”
who wants to tell her?
folks, we have an ignorance problem here in America. this woman isn’t getting her news from The New York Times or the Washington Post. she’s not even getting her news from Fox or Newsmax.
nope, she’s marinating in the fever-swamps of social media. she’s getting her news from places like the Space Nazi’s disinformation hellscape — and she’s been so totally hoodwinked by all the bots and Russian assets that she honestly believed that Donny was the candidate who was going to protect her reproductive rights.
this is how, in state after state, pro-abortion measures were approved, while Donny was re-elected president. we have a lot of work ahead of us if we’re ever going to dig this country out of its disinformation sinkhole.
thursday: dispatches from an alternate universe
here’s a load of weirdness: as late as Thursday — after Kamala Harris had already conceded the race — Donny’s campaign was still sending out text messages warning the cultists of Kamala’s election-stealing fuckery — which tells us two things:
one, that Team Donny may have been expecting Dear Leader to lose, and had pre-loaded their SMS servers with messages about election-stealing.
two, that Team Donny is so clownfuckingly incompetent that after Donny won, no one thought to turn off the pre-programmed texts.
holy shit, these people are now in charge of running the country for the next god-knows-how-many years. it makes you want to guzzle paint thinner straight from the can.
friday: suffrage this
Christian nationalist pastor Joel Webbon has a bone to pick with the 19th Amendment.
“before I was ever born, because of the 19th Amendment, the way I see it, is half of my household’s vote was stolen from me, and my loving, godly, wonderful wife, she, um — what we’re practicing is not hypocrisy. what we’re practicing is restitution. my loving wife said, ‘wicked people stole half of your vote, husband, and I would like to give it back to you.’ so there you go. so we voted for Donald Trump.”
I had no idea that Amendments were designed to steal rights from the godly. I thought they simply corrected deficiencies in the original text of the Constitution, and expanded the rights of the disenfranchised. silly me.
it’s only a matter of time before this christofascist dipshit comes to the realization that the 13th Amendment stole his right to own people. maybe he can find a loving, godly, wonderful black person to say ‘wicked people stole your free labor, and I would like to give it back to you.’
because, y’know, restitution.
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
I suppose this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means disengaging with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
Yes, Jeff. As a matter of fact, I do have a nomination for TWIS. My nomination goes to the voters of America, .who went to the polls on Tuesday and voted against their interests. To the women who sent a message to politicians that said it was OK to strip them of their basic human rights. To Latinos, who voted for a man who would love to see them deported. To the middle class who voted to see the price of everything they buy increase due to tariffs. To the elderly, who voted for cuts to their Social Security and Medicare in order to give tax break to billionaires. To Jews, who thought it was OK to have a president who thinks Hitler did some good things. To black men who pulled the lever for a racist who wouldn’t rent an apartment to them. To members of law-enforcement who thought it was a good idea to have private citizens who out-arm them. To everyone who decided they hated immigrants more than they loved their own freedom. This is the stupidest country on earth.
“dearth of crotch-danglage“
Oh Jeff, I do love you so ❤️