this week in stupid: November 8 edition
Donny Convict labels it, Jesse Watters enables it, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: what’s your sign?
what in the world has Preznit Fuckwit done now?
oh my god, the exterior door to the Oval Office has a sign next to it that reads “The Oval Office.”
and — holy fuckballs, Batman — it’s not even a real sign. it’s three pieces of paper that some flunky scotch-taped to the wall. how perfectly classless. how totally emblematic of the tacky ten-cent shit-show that our entire government has become.
the question must be asked: who is this for? White House staffers already know where the Oval Office is. visitors don’t wander about unaccompanied. the Oval Office isn’t part of any guided tour. so again: who is this for?
is it for Sundowning President Befuddlepants? is the impaired old coot that far gone that he needs to have everything labeled, else he wander into traffic? what else in the White House needs to be labeled? it’s there a sign on the Resolute Desk telephone that reads ‘don’t try to eat this, moron’? I’d put good money on it that there is.
do you know what it really looks like, that gaudy golden script? the signage outside a failing restaurant that’s trying too hard.
oh great, Donny’s White House is going to have a shitty restaurant on one side, and a vulgar dance hall on the other. you’re welcome, America!
is Donny competing with the Oval Office Pub & Grub in Milton, Florida?
probably not enough gold-spray-painted tat to suit Donny.
what about the Oval Office Restaurant & Martini Bar in Post Falls, ID?
they don’t have Brad Pitt, but they do have Brad Little, whoever he is.
can someone drive Demented Donny to one of these other Oval Offices, tell him ‘this is where you work now, bro,’ and drive away? it would solve so many of our nation’s problems in one fell swoop.
tuesday: we’ve been enduring this shit since Eve ate that apple
New York City is now officially under Sharia Law, and Fox News found object Jesse Watters knows exactly who’s responsible for this living nightmare.
“so, the Mamdani coalition … a lot of them are women. so let’s talk about these single women. because they were the force here. you are in an apartment. it’s small. it’s very small. and it’s very expensive. and you haven’t gotten married and had kids and moved out to the suburbs like everybody else. so you are in a tiny apartment, and the apartment is getting really expensive because all of these migrants are here now. and it’s also expensive because of the green new deal, so your utilities are high, and you’ve got the wrong degree. you should have gotten a degree in like chemistry, biology, finance, computer science. something useful in this high tech AI economy. no, you got a degree in, like, southeast Asian feminist literature.”
what the fuck even is this stream-of-consciousness gibberish? has Jesse been dipping into Don Jr’s stash?
Jesse’s premise is that the reason New York City is now a Marxist communist dystopian hellscape is because of all the women — and not the cute, submissive women who know their place. it’s those feminists who never learned to cook, and can’t land a man because they refuse to shave their legs.
what about the cats, Jesse? you know that these lippy fucking broads — who don’t even know how to listen when a man talks — have dozens of cats crawling all over their tiny little expensive apartments. the whole goddamned city probably reeks like an overflowing litter box.
look, the place is unredeemable. let’s just nuke NYC and start over. you know who agrees? Mike Collins.
wednesday: putting the phobia in Islamophobia
this week, after a Muslim got elected mayor of New York City, bigots all over America lost their fucking minds. here’s Christian Nationalist Nate Schatzline. Nate’s day job is Representative in the Texas State House — but apparently he also freelances as a racist shitkazoo.
“when you look at a Muslim who is currently elected in the United States of America, Ilhan Omar is a great example. openly Muslim, and she will actively vote for pro-abortion policies. however, she herself will never have an abortion. and the reason is, is because she’s never going to kill a [makes air quotes] Muslim child. but she definitely wants Christians and infidels — Jews — to kill their children. uh, we look at, um, you know, these Muslims that are elected to office, and we see this, it’s so interesting, they will continuously advocate for social welfare programs that take away from the taxpayer, and replace God with government and church with government, and you wonder, it’s like, well, okay, are you advocating for Muslims to take part in these programs? of course not. this is why— their mosques and their Islamic communities take care of their communities, so what they’re advocating for is not that Muslims would join social welfare programs. what they’re advocating for is that Christians, Jews, infidels would join their social welfare programs, and then, in fifty to a hundred years, maybe sooner, when Islam rules as the prime law of the land, and we see things like the Ten Commandments and our Biblical foundation thrown out the window, then Christian and Jews are in complete submission to the Muslims in power because they control our social welfare programs. people, it’s not a conspiracy theory.”
spoiler alert: this is literally a conspiracy theory — and it’s fucking insane. it’s as if this meme leapt off the page and became a real boy.
let’s see if I have this straight. Muslims are playing a hundred-year long game to take over the world, and they’re doing it by getting the rest of us hooked on SNAP benefits?
but wait — isn’t the Space Nazi going to have us all living on Mars by the year 2125 anyway?
remember, Nate Schatzline isn’t some racist rando with a youtube channel. he’s an elected official. he’s one of reasons Texas is as fucked as it is.
Texas, please stop punching yourself in the face.
thursday: I’m from Indiana’s government, and I’m here to fuck shit up
could Red State America please stop electing Christian Nationalists to office? news flash: they don’t have your best interests at heart. just listen to Indiana’s Lt. Gov. Micah Beckwith.
“people are suffering because of this government shutdown. it is the Democrat Schumer shutdown. they are the ones taking full responsibility for it. um, you know, I think in the meantime, I think this is a great opportunity for the church, the local church to step up. it’s not the government’s job to feed people. nowhere in scripture do we see God calling the government to care for the sick, the orphan, the poor, the needy, the widow. that’s the church’s job. and so this is a great opportunity for the church of Jesus Christ in America to start acting like it, and to be ready to feed the hungry and welcome those those who need help.”
I’m so fed up with this propaganda that’s been shoved down our throats for the past 50 years, about how it’s not government’s job to help people.
fuck you completely. helping its people is literally what a government is for.
FDR’s New Fucking Deal (yes, that’s what it was called in the first draft) provided a well-funded social safety net that lifted millions of Americans out of poverty and created the strongest middle class we’ve ever seen.
look, it’s nice that some churches are willing to step into the breach and feed their communities as best they can — but they can’t do it alone. they don’t have the resources of a federal government. I can’t believe I have to explain this to the Lieutenant Governor of an entire state. fuck you fuck you fuck you.
sorry, I’m really worked up now. the only thing that’s going to calm me down is Pete Kegstand flipping a skateboard into his own nuts.
who’s with me?
friday: the further adventures of some fucking idiot
on Friday, fucking idiot — who apparently is still having problems getting his face muscles to work properly — had a playdate with his despot bestie Viktor Orbán in the vulgar Oval Bordello.
the fucking idiot said a lot of stupid shit, once again embarrassing our entire country.
then the fucking idiot pardoned some more convicted criminals, because reasons.
fucking idiot then appealed a court order forcing him to pay out those SNAP benefits he’s been sitting on.
then the fucking idiot went running to the Supreme Court to ask them to allow needy families to go hungry.
and the Supreme Court actually let him do it.
this weekend, while Americans will be struggling to feed their families, the fucking idiot will be goofing off at his Florida golf motel.
and not one reporter stood up and asked ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’
how fucking idiotic is that?
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
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here's what I wrote a year ago, and you know what? I think it still holds up.
"let’s celebrate acts of defiance"
https://www.jefftiedrich.com/p/lets-celebrate-acts-of-defiance
the people I wrote about three days after the election are still pretty much the people leading the way a year later.
so much stupid shit happened this week but almost none of it was funny, alas