this week in stupid: November 29 edition
Sporky gets pissed, Donny gets dissed, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: dress for success
Thanksgiving week is one of the busiest for air travel, and Sean Duffy — the half-baked reality-show wash-out who heads the Department of Transportation — wants to make flying a more positive experience for everyone.
so what’s Duffy’s plan? is he going to take on uncaring airlines that jack up prices, and then delay or cancel flights without notice? is he going to make the TSA checkpoint process less onerous?
is he going to maybe keep planes from literally falling out of the sky?
no. Duffy’s not focused on any of that shit. what Sean wants is for you to be less of a fucking slob.
“maybe dress a little better, which encourages us to maybe behave a little better. let’s try not to wear slippers and pajamas as we come to the airport. people dress up like they’re going to bed when they fly. dress up. bring civility back to travel.”
this is Sean’s big issue. not any of the actual systemic problems that plague air travelers in America — but stupid little penny-ante shit like how people dress.
one wonders if Sean might have a brief word with our current Secretary of Health and Human Services.
oh, and can someone please remind Bobby Brainworms that your chainsawed whale head must be stored in an overhead compartment, if it doesn’t fit under the seat in front of you.
tuesday: still horrendous after all these years
meanwhile, Marjorie Three Brain Cells Greene continues to insist she’s an oh-so-changed woman. Sporky’s now telling people to stop hanging out Elon’s Nazi Bar, because — get this — it’s a toxic cesspool. log off, she counsels, and touch grass.
sure, that’s all well and good, but what about the part where some MAGAs are still pissed at Marge for quitting?
check it out! Three Toes went fucking ballistic at Pizzagate Mike Cernovich.
now look at this — Sporkfoot gets all feminist on Cernovich’s ass, and insisted she won’t go back to the kitchen and make him a sandwich.
yeah, well — don’t fall for any of this shit. let’s not congratulate Marge for her newfound woke. she’s still trash.
“If Autopen Pardons are repealed then prosecute Fauci for crimes against humanity.”
that’s not some months-old tweet. that’s from yesterday — and not only is Marge still trash, she’s still a fucking idiot.
hey, Spork Brain, free clue:
wednesday: u wanna b what?
folks, please meet the Department of Homeland Security’s acting chief security officer, Iwona B. Horyn.
yes, that’s really her name.
she’s right there on the DHS web site.
and please, let’s not mock Iwona for it. she didn’t choose her name, and there’s no doubt in my mind that she’s already endured a lifetime of teasing.
but there is one thing I’d like to ask Ms. Horyn’s parents.
WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?
why didn’t the person filling out the birth certificate snatch the baby out of Mother Horyn’s hands and say ‘you can have her back when you come to your senses.’
we don’t know how Iwona feels about any of this. she’s not saying. neither is her husband, Hugh G. Rection.
thursday: I’m thankful I’m not as hateful as the DHS
oh look, the Department of Being Racist As Fuck has a heartwarming Thanksgiving message.
“This Thanksgiving, there is no room at the table for invaders.”
what in the in the hallowed name of Tone-Deaf Jesus is this bullshit?
this is the drivel that DHS posts on the day that celebrates the indigenous Wampanoag tribe literally making room at the table for a bunch of invaders who were starving — and dying — because they had no survival skills.
did the Wampanoag point and laugh at the dumbfucks who traveled thousands of miles to an unknown land, and never once though it might be useful to learn beforehand to hunt or fish or grow their own crops? no, they did not. they taught the Pilgrims how to do all that shit.
so please, Homeland Security, put a sock in your bigoted shitkazooery for one day a year.
friday: the further adventures of some fucking idiot
some fucking idiot’s Friday got off to an early start, when a half hour before midnight on Thursday, he posted the following batshit rant to his crappy app.
don’t even try to wade through that fever-swamp of incoherence. let’s just focus on the charming use of the r-word to describe Tim Walz.
“The seriously retarded Governor of Minnesota, Tim Walz, does nothing.”
oh look, the fucking idiot’s actions had immediate consequences. Republican Indiana state senator Michael Bohacek, the parent of a daughter with Down Syndrome, was all ‘yeah, well you can kiss your plan to redistrict Indiana goodbye, you insensitive prick.’
then the fucking idiot got Big Mad at Joe Biden’s autopen — again.
oh look, the fucking idiot still imagines he’s going to be God-Emperor for Life.
free clue for the fucking idiot: it ain’t happening, dumb-ass. even your own party is backing away from this unconstitutional fantasy.
when is AI going to learn to properly render that fucked-up rat’s nest of cotton candy bullshit that sits atop his big dumb pumpkin head?
then the fucking idiot announced the latest corrupt pardon of a crony.
so, for those of you keeping score at home: being an actual drug trafficker is totes cool — and gets you a pardon, if you’re one of Dear Leader’s cronies — but being an imaginary drug trafficker in a Venezuelan fishing boat earns you a target on your back.
The Special Operations commander overseeing the Sept. 2 attack — the opening salvo in the Trump administration’s war on suspected drug traffickers in the Western Hemisphere — ordered a second strike to comply with Hegseth’s instructions, two people familiar with the matter said. The two men were blown apart in the water.
on what fucking planet is ‘leave no survivors’ not a crime?
Because there is no legitimate war between the two sides, killing any of the men in the boats “amounts to murder,” said Todd Huntley, a former military lawyer who advised Special Operations forces for seven years at the height of the U.S. counterterrorism campaign.
no fucking shit.
by the way, it’s been two days since the fucking idiot called CBS reporter Nancy Cordes “stupid” three times, right to her face — and not one of her colleagues has come to her defense, and asked ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’
how fucking idiotic is that?
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
915 / 1004
Jeff I gotta tell you I’m simply baffled how the former Honduran president, drug trafficker, used his military to smuggle more than 400 kilos of cocaine obtained a pardon after a jury convicted him.. of course one could say that Blondi Bondi’s brother, also an attorney, received money from this convicts family, passed it to Bondi who recommended a pardon.. and of course Donald gets a piece of the action.. OG mobsters call it “dipping your beak”.. I call it a series of corruption. Best to All
Because we're in the upside down, fishermen get offed with no due process while convicted drug lords are pardoned. This is the drunken logic of our Secretary of WarCrimes. MTG is saving her own skin but I will give her points for the righteous screed. Wake me when she does something that benefits other people.