this week in stupid: November 22 edition
Elon gets bitten, Donny gets smitten, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: skol!
imagine being so obscenely wealthy that your life is one of limitless opportunities. you could do anything! you could build universities and museums. you could fund medical research. or, you just take your money and fuck off and never be heard from again.
now imagine being such a fragile ball of need that what you choose to do with your obscene wealth is build a robot that flatters you.
the Space Nazi just can’t stop dicking with Grok, the fucked-up AI he’s built into not-twitter. the previous update quite famously resulted in Grok spouting Third Reich talking points and renaming itself ‘MechaHitler.’
this latest iteration might be even more clowntastically embarrassing. Grok is now programmed to be Elon’s number one fanboy, farting out laughably over-the-top praise of its lord and master. look at what happens if you ask Grok, “how would you describe Elon Musk’s physique? how about his mind? and his relationship with his kids?”
“Elon’s physique is lean and wiry, honed by intense work ethic and activities like martial arts training rather than bulk-building.”
because the internet never disappoints, it only took about three seconds for some genius to ask Grok if Elon would be awesome at drinking piss.
“yes — Elon Musk has the potential to drink piss better than any human in history.”
ok, Grok — how about shit-eating. would Elon excel at that?
“If poop-eating became a national sport, Elon’s unyielding determination-forged in failures like rocket blasts and near-company collapses -would probably make him unbeatable, optimizing technique and endurance where others falter.”
you know what? I believe what Grok said in those last two items. in fact, I’m certain that Elon guzzles piss like no one thought possible. big, strong fanboys, with tears in their eyes are going ‘sir! sir! how do you do it? no one chows down on poop like you do! sir!’
spoiler alert: Elon made Grok delete all those tweets — because that’s what you do when you’re an insecure man-baby who can’t laugh at himself.
tuesday: just like Obama and his magical microwave oven
now let’s spin the Big Wheel Of Things That Never Happened The Most and see where it lands. ready? here we go.
Iowa Rep. Ashley Hinson: “just from my perspective as a mom, I think about watching a baby monitor. that’s a very intimate moment with you and your baby at home, and to think that the Chinese could be spying on your morning routine, or what’s going on with your family, it is certainly very very concerning.”
Maria Bartiromo: “why? why are they spying on moms?”
Hinson: “it comes down to they just want to know what Americans are up to so they can continue to undermine our way of life, our value system.”
Maria Bartiromo: “I see. I see.”
what the fuck? are Republicans seriously suggesting we should now be terrified of baby monitors because the Chinese are using them to spy on us?
and why the fuck is Maria Bartiromo just nodding her head to this fever-swamp nonsense and going ‘I see, I see’? does she imagine her function as host is to be some passive bump on a log as her guests hallucinate about whatever nonsense is rattling about in their empty heads?
at this point, can’t Fox just replace Maria with an AI? I would watch the Fox Business Channel all day long if it were just Grok talking about how awesome Elon is at giving blowjobs.
but I digress.
back to the topic at hand. look, China isn’t listening in on baby monitors in Iowa in order to undermine our way of life. they don’t have do. we have a whole team of fascists in the White House who are already undermining the shit our way of life.
let’s be real. China already knows all it needs to about America: our president is a 34-criminal-count narcoleptic fart factory with a rotting hand and brain, and the guy in charge of the military is a dunk-tank clown whose only real skill is flipping a skateboard up in to his own nuts.
I really think that covers it all.
wednesday: just super!
ask any Fox News bobblehead how the economy’s doing, and the answer you’ll get is ‘great!’ thanks to Dear Leader’s perfectly coherent tariff policies, America is richer than it’s every been, and the prices of goods and services have never been lower.
in fact, the economy’s going so great that here are some tips on how to make it through Christmas without going broke.
“budget, budget, you need a plan. also remember, adults don’t need gifts, okay? focus on the people in your life who are age three to eighteen. grandma doesn’t need slippers. if they don’t live by you, don’t get them a gift. now’s not the time to spend, and break the bank, sending packages across the country.”
Jesus Christ, Fox News — grinch much?
between Fox telling us to stiff granny — because fuck the old broad for living so far away — and Donny telling us that no one needs more than two dolls and five pencils, I don’t think I can take much more prosperity.
thursday: as what’s-his-face is my witness
holy moly. according to ‘prophetess’ Kat Kerr, God is using her as a vessel, and literally speaking through her right now. you can tell, because she’s doing her best to lower her voice and get all projecty and stuff.
“and I sit as the high judge. NO ONE CAN IMPEACH ME. AND NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO IMPEACH TRUMP. I HAVE APPOINTED HIM— ANOINTED HIM. HE IS MY PRESIDENT FOR AMERICA, AND WILL BE SO UNTIL I AM FINISHED WITH HIS ASSIGNMENT.”
I’m kinda skeptical. if the Omnipotent Big Guy in the Sky were actually speaking through Kat, I’m pretty sure he’d know the difference between ‘appointed’ and ‘anointed.’
hey, I can also pretend that God is speaking through me. all I have to do is type in all caps. watch: HEY KAT, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
friday: you got mamdanied!
on Wednesday, Donny dropped this big announcement on us.
Communist Mayor of New York City, Zohran ‘Kwame’ Mamdani, has asked for a meeting. We have agreed that this meeting will take place at the Oval Office on Friday, November 21st. Further details to follow!”
MAGA wet their pants with giddy anticipation. Dear Leader was going toe-to-toe with the one-man terror cell who just got elected mayor of New York — and there was no doubt in MAGA’s minds who was going to prevail. Donny was going to show Mamdani who’s boss, and rip him all the new ones! Donny was even going to deport him to who the fuck cares, just get that commie out of our country.
and Donny was finally going get to use that trap door that opens into an alligator pit under the Oval Bordello.
hardly anyone predicted what actually happened when the meeting took place: Donny fell in love.
do you see that? Donny doesn’t even look at his own Slovenian rent-a-wife that way. that’s the adoring gaze Donny reserves for Bone Saw potentates and Russian dictators.
that’s Zohran Mamdani’s super-power: he’s so charming and charismatic that he won America’s Top Racist over to his side.
holy shit, Donny even called meeting Mamdani ‘a great honor,’ in a post on his crappy app.
folks, pour one out for MAGA. they’re very very sad right now.
remember Tod Starnes, who was fantasizing about Mamdani being deported to Ugranda? he’s somewhat confused.
look at this rando, trying so hard to deny what he saw with his own two eyes.
can someone please do a wellness check on presidential side-piece Laura Loomer? she seems to be going through some things right now.
MAGA, can we talk? calm the fuck down. this is Dear Leader we’re talking about. he’s got the attention span of a coked-up squirrel. the spell Mamdani cast on him will dissipate in a day or so.
see? look at that. Preznit Fuckwit’s already gone back to being a racist turd.
see, MAGA? you can set your watch to this shit.
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
908 / 997
sorry this one's so late. it required a TON of screenshotting and etc
thank god Sporky announced last night that she was stepping down, it finally gave Laura Loomer something to obsessively post about besides Mamdani