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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

has anyone gotten the email version of this post? it's been 25 minutes and I haven't gotten mine. and I'm the first name on the list.

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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

ok, after 26 minutes my email just arrived. never mind.

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Bob Bowden's avatar

There are only two genders:

1) Mail

2) Email

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K Schaefers's avatar

Bob, you motherfucker. That was gold.

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Kaye Stone's avatar

Bob! Now Nancy has to add 2 more genders, you devil! 😁😆🤣

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Bob Bowden's avatar

If you print out the email and send it by snail mail, that’s yet another gender and her head will explode

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Diane Rose Halstead's avatar

Can’t believe how much I enjoyed that, Bob!!! Thank you!!

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Lisa's avatar

🤣🤣🤣

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DJ Headthrob's avatar

I'm thinkin' of new-inducted HOF member Warren Zevon's 'Poor, Poor Pitiful Me,' "She was a credit to her gender(s)."

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Steve in SoCal's avatar

🏆

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Diane Rose Halstead's avatar

😂😂😂

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Linda Weide's avatar

Schatzline, sounds like what my friend's Austrian mom used to call her, which is Schatzilein. It means "little treasure." Schatzline does not sound like anyone's treasure though.

Since I don't personally know anyone that stupid, and therefore basically think people are bright, it is hard for me to imagine that Schatzline is real and isn't some AI State Rep. I mean with Republicans not holding town halls anymore, they could run an AI candidate.

Also, the AI woman in the picture of the couple looks a lot like the little girl in my nursery school who was Albino. Her parents were both Black.

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HMorgan's avatar

I live in Maine, so I hear Shatzline as "Sharts-lie" - seems appropriate to me! (And to think that after more than 30 years here, I'm still "from away", but my ears have adopted the Maine accent)

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Charles Austin's avatar

😂😂😂

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Ryn's avatar

See that’s just the rule of “complain about a thing making you impatient and it shall finally arrive”

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Richard Von Busack's avatar

Nope, I just went to your website and stayed there like a cat waiting to be fed.

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

Did you yowl piteously the whole time?

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Richard Von Busack's avatar

Yes!

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

Can you post an MP3 of your performance? I want my cat to learn how a real cat sounds.

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Richard Von Busack's avatar

Rowrrrr! Mew!

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

Thx!

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Robert Eckert's avatar

We had a cat who was supposedly named Shanti, but universally known as Badcat, and the rule was that nobody except Sharon was to feed Badcat, a notorious beggar. But I came home one night and Sharon wasn't home and Badcat was yowling more piteously than usual by her empty bowl. So I pointed my finger at her and said "You tell me the truth: did Sharon already feed you?" And Badcat said very clearly "NOOOOO!"

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

I must admit there's 5% of me that wants to remain rational about it, but I basically totally believe you. My roommate had a cat that HOWLED, not yowled, while waiting to be fed. One day, I translated PC’s daily lament into English. It went something like:

“this joint is a concentration camp in which Nazi atrocities are committed on a daily basis i'm about to die here but nobody gives a damn! How long, how long can I survive? NO ONE cares!!! NO ONE!”

When I finished translating, the cat let out an emphatic, “YOW!” which sounded totally like, “YES!”

PC stood for Pussycat or Perfect Christian.

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Gina's avatar

if not, I have a cat here happy to demonstrate

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Chris Hierholzer's avatar

Do tell!

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Kathleen M Kendrick's avatar

One of mine sings matins and vespers until she gets her food!

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

You call that singing?

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Marla's avatar

Mine will make biscuits and wave her ass in my face until she gets fed. She knows what works.

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Ellen McKenzie's avatar

So damn funny!!!!

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Janan Broadbent's avatar

😆😆😆😹😹😹

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Bob Bowden's avatar

So you’re the cat who does the spit take every day near the milk bowl around 11am

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Catherine's avatar

Lol 😂

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

Hey! My home state of Texas won this week in stupid !!! AGAIN !!!

We ARE the envy of the world !!!

Actually, our leathery hides are impervious to liberal scorn—and we really really really don't care.

PS: To live here you gotta have a sense of humor.

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Cats🐈‍⬛'s avatar

I live in texas, too and the repub reps and senators all suck. They are stupid and ignorant…example: yea, my children nor I are vaccinated. Bring measles on, I’ll just take vitamin a. They are also fools. Now we have school vouchers for rich people, whose children were already going to private school. Now the rest of us get to pay for that fucked up shit, too.

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shee-rah's avatar

“Make polio great again!”

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Ellen McKenzie's avatar

Are you talking about Idaho?

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Cats🐈‍⬛'s avatar

Ellen, I am referring to texas.

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Terri Nighswonger's avatar

I feel for you!!! I can’t even bear driving THROUGH a red state!!!! Fly over real high.

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Mps's avatar

I lived there for 50 years (not anymore, I served my time). Texas will ALWAYS win. Many more things happened, Jeff had to pick one. Think Ken Paxton, Abbott etc

God’s country indeed. Way more churches than schools.

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MzNicky in East Jesus, TN's avatar

Tennessee has once again entered the chat.

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Mps's avatar

Hilarious

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Chris Hierholzer's avatar

Don't they have lot of horses there?

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Marty's avatar

I believe you are thinking of asses?

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

Not in my zip code. But three miles north of my house is a neighborhood called Acres homes where a surprising number of black folks keep horses. Black Cowboys is actually a thang in Texas.

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longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

Here too in the Bay Area. My neighbor two houses up stables his horse in El Sobrante and rides in the Black Cowboy parade in Oakland every year.

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AddaGurl's avatar

Check out Ivan McClennan on Insta. he takes beautiful photos of Black cowboys. https://www.instagram.com/eightsecs/?hl=en

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Pam Humphrey's avatar

Yeah, and a strong stomach.

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Eva Porter's avatar

We in Arizona are happy you exist. Lol

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EtTuBrutex's avatar

I should say “Amen,” but I’d rather say “I’ll drink to that”! Cheers! 🥂 🍸

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Alison Parker's avatar

Got mine at 8:10 Pacific

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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

OH MY GOD YOU'RE MAKING ME DO MATH

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Alison Parker's avatar

BECAUSE I DON'T WANNA DO IT MYSELF.

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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

fair

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Chris Hierholzer's avatar

Got mine after I came home from buying cabbage for my pet rabbit. I don't know what time it was but my rabbit is happy.

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

Awwwww!!!! Sweet little bunny rabbit!!!!

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Dave Drell's avatar

Keep rabbit away from Haitians !

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Tess's avatar

10:09 central time—-I saw the post and wondered where oh where my email was! Probably trump screwed with it somehow!!

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Stephen Brady's avatar

Got mine at 11:10 EDT.

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AddaGurl's avatar

OH MY GOD, I CANNOT BELIEVE YOUR KEYBOARD HAS A WORKING CAPS LOCK BUTTON. I THOUGHT IT WAS PROGRAMMED TO NOT MAKE CAPITAL LETTERS AT ALL! 😉

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Dina's avatar

Got mine at 4:10 BST (let's see, that's 11:10 Eastern, 10:10 Central, 9:10 Mountain, and 8:10 Pacific). This is why I'm usually late to these parties, I got shit goin' on during the day and by the time I get to my email for a quick check, everybody's been here for at least a half-hour...

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Jodi Richard's avatar

Got mine at 9:09 Mountain time. It was about 30 minutes later than other days.

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Gina's avatar

it's okay, it's okay, we understand

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Kaye Stone's avatar

Mine: 9:09 Utah Mountain Time. Score!

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Anne's avatar

me too

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PTW's avatar

Ha ha, Alison! Beat you. Mine arrived at 8:09 PDT!!!

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Ginny Moody's avatar

Mine came to inbox at 8:09 am pacific. Thanks Jeff for the info and the laughs👍

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Peaceful Mary T.'s avatar

Me, too! Sacramento, CA

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Schnauzermom's avatar

My submission for you? Trump posting a gawdawful AI picture of himself as the Pope on his piece of shit social media site. His Assholiness! Dope Donold the First! If I wasn’t an atheist I’d say it was blasphemy, but knowing how the religious types adore him, they probably won’t say shit.

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DR Darke's avatar

I came here from my e-mail of your post, Jeff, after posting a pleasant little bit of virulence about Tommy Tubesteak, who to quote CHICAGO, "Had it comin'! He had it comin'! He has only himself to bla-ame!"

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Knitwish's avatar

I woke up to mine. First thing I look for!

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Donna M Hebdo's avatar

Got mine

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Susan K.'s avatar

gone mine

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Kim Nesvig's avatar

Yep

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Stephanie Lajeskie's avatar

I did.

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Linda Fulcher's avatar

Got mine at 11:09 Eastern time.

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James Starr's avatar

got mine at 8:09am pacific time

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TJTarheel's avatar

I did

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Rune Andre Bergtun's avatar

yes

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Susan Niemann's avatar

"Come home slaves. We have work to do?" WHAT? Americas racism problem will be our undoing.

What's a Prayer Run? You pray you wont get hit by a car? These people should be arrested for child endangerment.

Nancy Mace is an embarrassing attention whore... I think she really wants to be a man.

I fear for Americas future. 😳

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Chris Hierholzer's avatar

A prayer run is when you have a good dump after you eat all those hot dishes in church.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

😂😂😂😂

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Charles Austin's avatar

😂😂🤣😂

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Norma's avatar

lol on pray you won’t get hit by a car😂. I totally agree with you on child endangerment. People who say god speaks to them need psychiatric intervention!

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Susan Niemann's avatar

They totally need an intervention. Good Grief. 🤦‍♀️

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Marla's avatar

We all know that God only speaks to the crazies, amirite?

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Lisa's avatar

Are we sure that she's not a man? Not that I care, but the hypocrisy would be off the charts.

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Kathy Notaro's avatar

She’s a man!

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Charles Austin's avatar

Nancy just wants maximum attention on Nancy.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

You got that right 🙄

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EFS's avatar

True. Those who believe that only white Americans deserve full civil rights are not real Americans, no matter when their families arrived here.

Left unchecked, they will destroy us.

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Douglas Paul Truhlar's avatar

Sounds like a ‘Law and Order’ opening, Central Park.

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Neal Stiffelman's avatar

And sometimes I’m tempted to stand outside and scream, “Hurry up, Rapture! Get these fuckheads outta our faces.”

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Terri Nighswonger's avatar

I think the same thing!! Fly them to whatever they imagine is their heaven. Quick. 👍

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Dave Drell's avatar

They can hang out with those 38 or 72 or whatever number of Virgins

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Richard Von Busack's avatar

Jeezus, what happened to that Sims game? Now the hot blonde is preggers. It's OK, the lawn jockey is smiling because he knows the baby is going to be cafe au lait.

Fuck these fucking people and their fuggly AI.

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Sharon Hudnall's avatar

Just read on Heather Cox RIchardson's substack that Trump's personal slaves cranked out an AI meme of himself wearing a papal robe and holding a sceptre, because he's really focused on that Pope job opening now. I think the fucker's serious.

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Terri Nighswonger's avatar

Probably. He is so stupid.

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Dave Drell's avatar

I saw the image - & you are now entering

THE TWILIGHT ZONE

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Haha, I would love to see the husband's face in the delivery room

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Richard Von Busack's avatar

“Wait till I get my hands on that damn Bushrod!”

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Jodi Richard's avatar

Ok, you just made me laugh out loud for a significant amount of time. My partner was looking at me like I was losing it. Thank you. Really needed this today!

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Joseph Luongo's avatar

He’ll be the first today that vasectomies don’t work. She’ll still get pregnant and the baby comes out black

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Richard Von Busack's avatar

“For a nickel more, you could a been green!”

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Kay-El's avatar

1. Was Nancy Mace full of shit then or full of shit now? I know! It’s both, right?

2. A prayer run is when you’re jogging and trying to think of the dumbest shit to keep your base happy. 🙄

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Wendy's avatar

Nancy Mace is a literal piece of shit (and by that I suggest not even human).

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Kay-El's avatar

We need a much larger poop emoji to show how just how shitty.

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Wendy's avatar

Ive done two pieces on her. https://thistleandmoss.com/p/nancy-mace-is-a-fucking-bitch-and

This one was my favorite.

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Tess's avatar

Wendy-great article dissing Mace!!! In Jamaica MoBay Club (airport place) the bathrooms were gender neutral…I came out and said to my friends…”what would Nancy Mace say about this???!!!” We all laughed!!

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Wendy's avatar

Thats actually awesome. That mace bitch needs to travel abroad so that her outrage can be made full circle.

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Kay-El's avatar

JFC. Piece of shit doesn’t really cover her enough, does it.

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Carol's avatar

And much more graphic, too. The poop emoji I have is even smiling. This kind of bullshit should not smile!

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Jodi Richard's avatar

Yeah, why don’t they have grumpy shit emojis and swearing shit emojis and crazy as a loon shit emojis? I’d use the fuck out of them. Cause this works, but is not as well as it should. 🍊💩

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Carol's avatar

Yeah! Or maybe one that appears to be splattering. There are definitely times when I want one like that!

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Kay-El's avatar

Right? It should be the 💩 + 🤬

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HI2thDoc's avatar

We can add that as another of her pronouns besides Jeff's "stupid" and "fucking idiot."

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Susan Burgess's avatar

I zoomed in on the black guy in the background. They’ve got him not so subtly in the posture of an ape in case y’all didn’t notice that.

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Gina's avatar

cute tho - also the other one (yes to cafe au lait)

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Susan Burgess's avatar

Yes. That was good, Gina, the au lait. I approve of your version of cat.

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Gina's avatar

I try (or as my 1st husband used to say, very trying)

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Susan Burgess's avatar

: ) Such a strange expression.

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Rick Calegari's avatar

To think you're proud of being in the No. 1 unvaccinated area of Texas is a big accomplishment is some real stupid shit. This dime store preacher probably kept his church doors wide open during Covid like that asshat Rev. McCoy did here in SoCal. How many more people will these science-denying numbskulls continue to infect until something gives them a wake up call?

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Terri Nighswonger's avatar

I think that is what dogs me. At age 3 I truly thought the world was awful. Blacks were doomed at birth, women were vessels to carry water for whomever wanted it, church preached ideas that were horrid for everyone except white males, school adored the males, girls were invisible/usable.

THE REPUGS ARE RECREATING THIS AGAIN. AND MORE!!!!

I feel like I am drowning. I lived my life in pursuit of the opposite of the Repug fantasy. My brain screams

OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!! All day long. 😫😖😝😣😫🥺😩😫😖😣

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longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

Maybe they'll all die sooner.

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shee-rah's avatar

They’ll all die from a preventable disease because they refused to be vaccinated, and, unfortunately, their kids too.

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Lisa K. Obrien's avatar

I promise you that these saps won’t learn a thing. They, and their children, will die of a completely preventable disease, and the rest of them will pretzel it into ‘God’s will’ or ‘the Lord calling us home’, and so forth. It’s maddening.

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Nancy Potter's avatar

I would advise Nancy Mace that gender identification is rather important to dorm housing to make sure no LGBTQ student would end up rooming with a bigot who sympathizes with Nancy Mace.

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Susan Burgess's avatar

Yes, Nancy, good observation. The bigot might end up getting hurt.

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Kay-El's avatar

👏🏼👏🏼

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Paul's avatar

Good lord how I despise these malevolent, backward, ignorant assholes. It continually shocks the senses that these people occupy positions of power.

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Carol's avatar

The picture of the White Couple made me heave a little bit. I remember the 50’s - we DO NOT want to go back there!

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KL Pierce's avatar

I’d like to go back to the corporate tax rate in the 50s which was around 90% after a certain amount of profit. That’s why there weren’t many, if any, billionaires back then.

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Stephen Schiff's avatar

During the Eisenhower presidency, a period of unparalleled prosperity, the highest individual marginal rate was 94%, while the highest corporate marginal rate was 52%. The highest it ever was was 52.8% in the Nixon/Vietnam War years 1968-69.

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Chris Hierholzer's avatar

My mother had 9 kids and she never looked that happy.

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Nancy Potter's avatar

The 50's housewives who looked like that were the ones with a supply of Mother's Little Helpers. Yes, even during pregnancy.

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Kristy Kanen's avatar

How could she ? OWWWW !

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Alison Parker's avatar

"they had something like cisgender male, cisgender female — and I don’t even know what that means."

I love how willingly Republicans will tell the world that they are dumb as shit.

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Proudly tell the world, too

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Alethia St. Joan's avatar

With such defiance too! lol

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Heather's avatar

I hear babies crying, too. My infant because I never do what she wants fast enough and my older baby (9) who recognizes we no longer live in a democracy and Daddy could be unemployed and/or without health insurance any moment because he had the gall to become a hardworking, dedicated federal employee two decades ago. So yeah, lots of babies can be heard crying.

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Aleksander Constantinoropolous's avatar

I swear we’re living through a Mad Libs prophecy written by a drunken oracle with a Fox News subscription and a head injury. Tommy “Helmet Optional” Tuberville thinks Pete Hegseth is the solution, which tells you everything you need to know about the problem: it’s CTE with a flag pin.

By Tuesday, Donny’s reign hits day 100 and Fox is out here like, “He ended the penny, y’all!” Next week they’ll brag he taught a possum to juggle and deregulated moonlight. The dude’s presidency is the political equivalent of a Waffle House brawl — fascinating, sticky, and absolutely not food-safe.

And bless Nancy Mace, the intellectual black hole of gender discourse. Sis, if you can’t figure out what “cisgender” means, maybe take your lips off the Newsmax microphone and pick up a dictionary. Or don’t — I love when your mouth writes checks your neurons can’t cash.

And Nate Schatzline? My guy. If you’re hallucinating fetal cries in the desert, I suggest electrolytes, not legislation. Baby Jesus didn’t tell you to run for office — that was just your ego cosplaying as the Holy Spirit.

Anyway, I need to go lie down and let Mary Magdalene pour oil on my head while whispering, “This timeline is cursed.”

Virgin Monk Boy approves this message.

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Burke's avatar

Next Little Donnie will claim the Moon as US territory. And rename it Amerimoon.

This is a joke. Please don’t forward to QAnon or X or Marge or any MAGAs in your family.

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Burke's avatar

Fox News: “Today President Trump signed his Executive Order number Eleventy-32 declaring that the Moon is a wholly owned territory of the United States. ‘WE GOT THERE FIRST’ tweeted Trump. The Order renames the Moon as Amerimoon. Later Don Jr announced that Saudi and Russia contributed $100 Billion to a Trump Organization joint venture to build a golf resort on Amerimoon. The Trump family will contribute 100 Billion Trump coins to the project.”

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Susan Burgess's avatar

Totally excellent soliloquy, Aleksander :D

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Terry's avatar

Goddamn you Tiedrich, here I was, reading about the 15 genders, then scrolled down and saw the Hal 9000 eyeball, and the caption, and spit my coffee on the keyboard for the umpteenth time this year alone.

I shouldn't be having so much fun at age 80! Good times.

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Brenda McDonald's avatar

And did you hear HAL’s voice as you read the quote? 😂

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shee-rah's avatar

That’ll teach you to not drink coffee and read Jeff’s Substack at the same time. ☕️

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Songgirl Kim's avatar

Jeff, I want to thank you for not doing podcasts. I received 8 notifications yesterday, and I deleted them all. I guess it’s easy to have a studio and a microphone, but it takes a unique and distinctive voice that's both funny and compelling to be a successful writer. I seldom comment on your posts, but I always read them. Keep me laughing, please.

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Gina's avatar

I automatically flip all podcast notices into the ether - I'm supposed to sit for hours listening to people blather? write it down (so I can skim) or forget it

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Penny Fox's avatar

I grew up in Canada admiring all things American. Took me until the orange moron was elected to change my mind and realise all Americans are not as smart as I thought 😂.

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Richard Von Busack's avatar

Whereas my respect for Canadians only grows.

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Mary Hall's avatar

As an American who has been to Canada numerous times and has planned a big trip there this summer, I love Canada and Canadians and have fantasized for years about being a Canadian citizen.

Coincidentally, just yesterday I was going through some old papers and reread my grandmother's funeral card, wherein I learned that she was a Canadian citizen, even though she was born in Louisianna. Her mother died in childbirth, so she was sent to live in Alberta for long periods of time and somehow became a Canadian citizen. My dream might be closer than I realize.

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James Starr's avatar

my respect for Canada developed about 20 years ago...and yeah, less than 15% of us in America use ration and logic and have a brain.

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Richard Von Busack's avatar

It’s somewhat better in California

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James Starr's avatar

Yes much better in California than say the rest of the country.

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Douglas Paul Truhlar's avatar

What does Canada do with abortion? I really don’t know. Maybe “maybe stop hallucinating about the ‘unborn’ and start doing something for the actually born.”

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Susan P Thatcher's avatar

Nancy Mace was a DEI at the Citadel

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steve robertshaw's avatar

Absolutely it is that distinction of being the first female cadet to graduate from the Citadel that got her elected to the House in the district that includes Charleston. That was literally the only accomplishment she has ever made in her life, but in the frivolous Republican party that is all that's necessary.

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J.R.'s avatar

These people have definitely drank the cool aid. I only wish they would all drink another kind. Like the Jim Jones kind of cool aid. Screw measles. The cool aid will rid us of all of these idiots.

Maybe I need to pray to someone for what I just wrote. Oh, fuck it!

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J.R.'s avatar

love the moniker

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Mark Slattery's avatar

In NC, hospitals are preparing for the measles outbreak soon to come. FA, I'd like to introduce you to FO.

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