this week in stupid: May 23 edition
Jesus stops it, Donny flops it, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: verily, I doth say unto you — duck.
oh look — the AI slopaholics of the MAGAverse have been working overtime again.
you know, of the myriad explanations of Donny’s Miracle Ear-Nicking™, my favorite one of all is that God Almighty himself personally intervened — or, in this particular instance, he outsourced the job to his Number One boy, Jesus H. Christ.
seriously, look at this infantile dumb-assery. I personally giffed that shit so you don’t have to click on the link. you’re welcome, America.
oh sure, that’s exactly how it went down. the J-Man materialized out of nowhere, wrapped Dear Leader in his loving arms, and made that bullet go all ’splodey. I guess Donny’s ear got Miracle Nicked™ by a piece of shrapnel.
here’s my issue with all these divine intervention scenarios: when that magic bullet missed Donny, it slammed into the head of some poor, unfortunate dude standing a few feet away, killing him instantly.
you’re telling me that the Prince of Peace, the Lamb of God, the Fucking Fisher of Men, saved Donny, but allowed that other shit to happen? what the fuckity fuck?
man, Jesus is kind of a dick, isn’t he?
he also has really shitty taste in friends.
tuesday: dumbfuckery that doesn’t pay off
lucky us — it’s an AI slop two-fer, because here comes the US Department of Education to teach a master class in why you don’t let a six-fingered plagiarism robot generate your hey-kids-don’t-go-to-college propaganda for you.
tell me, is typing ‘two plumbers at work’ into a ChatGPT prompt a skill that pays off? I ask, because where the hell are these people? in some outdoor half-bathroom that’s next the the lot where they parked their truck? what is homey pointing and laughing at? the dipshit who created this nightmare scenario?
more importantly, are these plumbers graduates of Trump Unversity? because what the fuck are they doing?
I’m not a plumber, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how pipes work. tell me, did they train the AI by showing it a shitload of old Three Stooges shorts?
also, I went into Home Depot and asked ‘do you have any of those wrenches that mutate into a pipe?’
and all they did was look at me like I was the idiot.
seriously, instead of using the plagairism robot, why can’t the Department of Education hire some actual graphic designers and pay them real money to produce artwork that isn’t some fever-swamp nightmare?
you know, put some cash into the economy, instead of just gifting it to the shitheads who did January 6th.
wednesday: he’s around a lot of what?
it looks like Bobby Brainworms Jr. forgot to drink his hot mug of Shut the Fuck Up this morning.
“I’m around a lot of young girls all the time, and they all seem, like, really crazy at that part of their lives. and if you put them on a regimen— most of them just get through it and figure it out. but if you put them on a regimen of psychiatric drugs at that age, they may not be able to go through the things they need to go through.”
okay. let’s leave aside this whale-head-chainsawing maniac’s crackpot theories about hormones and drugs, because I have an overriding question about that first part of Bobby’s statement.
what I really want to know is, where is this 72-year-old degenerate meeting ‘a lot of young girls’ that he’s ‘around all the time’? I’m almost afraid to find out, because —
Robert F. Kennedy Jr’s explanation for socializing with Jeffrey Epstein:
“…I run into everybody in New York. I mean, I knew Harvey Weinstein, I knew Roger Ailes, I knew — O.J. Simpson came to my house. Bill Cosby came to my house.”
why is this perv bragging about palling around with the likes of Epstein and OJ and Cosby, all of whom are first-ballot inductees into the Sexual Predators Hall of Fame? does Brainworms not understand how creepy he’s making himself sound?
also, what the fuck is this, in the lower left corner of the video?
Bobby Brainworms has a podcast now? where are people like Brainworms and Ted Cruz and Tim Burchett finding the time to be podcasters? don’t any of these fucksnoots have jobs?
thursday: we don’t need no edjumacation
oh, speaking of fucksnoots with podcasts.
Katie Miller (nepo-wife of Nosferatu McGoebbels): “what’s a conspiracy theory that you believe in?”
Liz Wright (nepo-wife of Energy Secretary Chris Wright): “the teachers unions want to keep the students stupid so they can control them and turn them into Democrats.”
oh really? is that what’s going on? what about the part where, in the Donnyverse, every accusation is actually a confession?
because let’s take a look at who’s really making students stupid.
it sure is weird how almost all of the states at the bottom of the education rankings have been controlled by Republicans for years.
I guess that’s just some bizarre fucking coincidence.
friday: the further adventures of Some Fucking Idiot™
on Friday, some fucking idiot confirmed that he would not be attending the wedding of his number one failson, Cokey McSniffles.
leading us all to wonder, ‘who is the the fucking idiot going to bomb this weekend?’ Iran? Cuba? Narnia?
the fucking idiot spoke at two events on Friday. the first was the swearing-in ceremony for the Chair of the Fed. tell me, why is the fucking idiot always prattling on about how hot America is?
the fucking idiot sounds like he’s describing the ‘spa girls’ that he and his dead pedo bestie used to fight over. also, who gives a shit what the King of Bone Saw Arabia says?
oh, and fuck this heartless fucking fuck.
fact check: the fucking idiot didn’t ‘lift’ 5 million people out of poverty. he just threw them off government assistance and cordially invited them to go fuck themselves. they’re still in need, but now they have no place to go for help. wonderful. keep bragging about how hot America is, asshole.
the fucking idiot’s second event was at Rockland Community College in Morristown, New Jersey — and that’s where shit really turned weird.
first, the fucking idiot did that accusation-confession thing where he divulged that he didn’t know how to spell dumb.
yeah, ‘most people.’ riiiight.
then he once again bragged about being requited on multiple occasions to take the test they only give to people suspected of having brain damage.
pro tip: no, they don’t ask you to name a horse. if they did, you could just call it ‘Frisky Pete’ or whatever and ace that fucker.
of all the things that never happened to the fucking idiot, this is the one that never happened the most.
the fucking idiot’s neckgina got a workout as he committed a transphobia.
the fucking idiot then whined about what a nightmare it is to have to listen to other people talk. the horror.
what a weak, fragile and needy bag of shit.
good news, everyone! the ‘great healthcare plan’ that the fucking idiot has been working on for the last ten years is going to be ready in two weeks.
the fucking idiot accused Iran of being the world’s number one sponsor of tariff. maybe the fucking idiot needs to take another brain damage test. maybe this time he’ll think of a good name for the horse.
oh look, the fucking idiot knows more about refrigerants than all the refrigerators. what the fuck is the fucking idiot even gibbering about?
who among us hasn’t gone bankrupt because of all the rotting food? Jake Tapper, wake the fuck up.
oh, and the fucking idiot’s rotting hand is getting even worse.
and the fucking idiot still can’t figure out how to work an umbrella.
and, despite all the fucking idiotry going on right in front of their faces, not one reporter stood up to ask ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’
how fucking idiotic is that?
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
time for some Daily Claudia.
this one’s from February 1984, once again in her bff Mandi’s apartment.
and here we are in the thick of the pandemic, June 14, 2020, hanging out on the dock of our besties Scott and Kathy. we were so lucky to have an awesome place to socially distance while the world was locked down. thanks, guys.
have a non-stupid Saturday, everyone. try not to go bankrupt because of all the rotting food.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
this is fucking awesome: one day after ending his CBS show, Stephen Colbert went to Monroe Michigan and hosted an hour-long talk show on local public access cable.
https://x.com/MatthewKeysLive/status/2058123566529532313
I just love my pandemic-era lack of a haircut