this week in stupid: May 11 edition

Donny comes unglued, and so much more ...

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.

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monday: look at me, I’m a dipshit

there are two sure-fire ways of letting the world know at first sight that you’re an idiot.

one way is to drive a cybertruck, the shit-ass ugly whatthefuckisit that’s so poorly made that the entire production run had to be recalled because accelerator pedals kept falling off.

tool around in one of these beauts and you immediately signal to all that you’re a huge fan of the Space Nazi, and that you have absolutely no fucking taste whatsoever.

the other way is cover yourself and everything you own in gaudy Trump merch, aggressively announcing that not only do you proudly worship a greedy racist asshole, but you’re also one yourself.

but wait — what if I were to tell you that you could do both at the same time?

ladies and gentleman, I give you the CyberTrump — a double-fuckload of dipshittery all rolled into one godawful package.

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tuesday: welcome to beelzebub’s hair salon

Taylor Swift continues to break every conservative brain. how can this young, talented, Democratic-voting woman be so successful? how can she be an actual billionaire without have to resort to hawking fake bibles or gold-spray-painted sneakers?

there’s only one possible answer: this is the unmistakable work of Satan. need proof? the part in her hair keeps changing! what demonic skullfuckery is this?

listen up, dummies: do we really need to sit you all down and explain how combs work?

oh wait, I guess we do.

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wednesday: fuck straight off with this bullshit

give the Libertarian Party of Michigan credit, this is the most goddamned adorable antisemitism you’ve ever seen.

look at how cute they made the Zionist puppet-master. awwwww.

these Libertarian fuckwads quickly deleted their offensive tweet, but unfortunately they can’t delete the hate in their brains — because evidently the Libertarian Party has a long history of antisemitic behavior.

This is not the first time the Libertarian Party has been accused of promoting antisemitism. In August 2022, the Libertarian Party of New Hampshire posted a now-deleted tweet reading, “Six million dollar minimum wage or you’re antisemitic,” in a reference to the 6 million Jews murdered by the Nazis during the Holocaust.

Then, a few months later, the national party tweeted out a depiction of Sam Bankman-Fried — the fraudster who ran FTX — that many argued was antisemitic.

they seem nice.

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thursday: words, how do they work

Sundowning Grandpa Buttstench will happily tell you he knows all the best words. unfortunately, he has no fucking clue what any of them mean.

“I’m very ambidextrous, so to speak. I can do a lot of things at one time.”

need proof of Donny’s ambidextrosity? consider this: he can commit 88 crimes at the same time — and he can sleep in a courtroom while simultaneously filling it with noxious fecal gas.

now that’s talent.

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friday: when crazies collide

oopsies! looks like the Republicans’ plan to promote the candidacy of RFK Jr. has blown right the fuck up in their big dumb faces. I’m sure it looked great on paper: we’ll get this handsome guy with a famous name to run for president and he’ll draw votes away from Sleepy Brandon. it’s a can’t-miss proposition, right?

well, it turns out that the people most interested in voting for an anti-science conspiracy loon who blames the Jews for covid are Republicans.

the GOP’s most-recent internal polling on Junior Kennedy must be disastrous for them, because on Friday, Donny Ratbrain released a panicked, 4-minute-long anti-RFK Jr. rant.

“RFK Jr. is a Democrat plant. a radical left liberal who’s been put in place in order to help crooked Joe Biden.”

yeah, that’s it: he’s a Democrat plant. I’m sure that’s why Junior’s biggest donors have been Republicans. makes perfect sense to me.

let’s skip ahead to the best part, where Donny does his best to out-crazy RFK Jr.

“so Republicans get it out of your mind that you’re going to vote for this guy because he’s conservative. he’s not. and by the way, he said the other night that vaccines are fine, he said it on a … show. a television show, that vaccines are fine. he’s all for them. and that’s what he said. and for those of you who wanna vote because you think he’s an anti-vaxxer, he’s not really an anti-vaxxer. that’s only his political moment.”

at some point Donny is going to have to appeal to the crazies by pointing out that while RFK Jr.’s brain worms are dead, his brain worms are still very much alive.

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saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.

have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.