this week in stupid: March 15 edition
beware the ides of stupid
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: is reality real?
Surrounded is a show where folks from the left debate one-on-one with wingnuts. this week’s installment paired Majority Report host Sam Seder with some rando who has zero fucking clue how government works. check out this prime slice of dipshittery: Sam’s opponent believes that government agencies receive tax breaks as an incentive for hiring diverse employees.
you read that right. this brainiac believes that the government hires people of color so they can take advantage of those sweet, sweet tax breaks.
Sam’s flabbergasted. let’s listen in as he gamely tries to explain that governments don’t pay taxes, they collect them.
Sam: “dude, listen. we’re talking about government agencies that do not get tax cuts.”
MAGA: “they don’t?”
Sam: “no.”
MAGA: “yes they do. they absolutely do. every private and public sector gets tax cuts when you hire a person of color.”
Sam: “government agencies don’t pay taxes. government agencies are funded by the government.”
MAGA: “that is not true.”
holy fuck. where did this MAGA bro get his political science degree, Trump University?
you’ve all heard that wise old saying about playing chess with a pigeon, right?
“arguing with idiots is like playing chess with a pigeon. no matter how good you are, they’ll just knock over the pieces, shit on the board, and strut around like they won.”
the dude who went up against Sam is a classic chessboard pigeon. he’s sure he aced the debate. he no doubt went back home and told everyone that he fucking crushed it, and how Sam Seder is the moron who doesn’t understand that government agencies pay taxes.
tuesday: Handy gets it handed to her — again
five-time international lap-hockey champion Lauren Boebert’s gotten herself into hot water again — but this time it’s not for expertly beetlejuicing her boyfriend in public.
nope, this week Handy Oakley’s on the hook for doling out some good old Republican-style racism.
“for him to go and shake his pimp cane at President Trump was absolutely abhorrent.”
that was her oh-so-charming comment regarding Al Green’s ouster from the House for heckling Dear Leader’s speech.
for that crack, she found herself starring in her very own censure resolution, introduced by Pennsylvania Rep. Chrissy Houlahan. in response, Handy did what Republicans do best — she went on some wingnut cable show to whine her idiotic head off.
“…attack me for referencing his cane as a pimp cane. I stand by it … if that gold-plated cane isn’t a pimp cane, I don’t know what is. but maybe hula-who is really the racist here. are only blacks pimps, is that what I’m hearing?”
ah, yes. the well-worn I’m not racist, you’re the racist dodge — and referring to Chrissy Houlahan as “hula-who,” that’s just icing on the cake.
stay classy, you handjob-doling national embarrassment.
I don’t know who created this meme, but well done, sir or madame! you win the internet.
wednesday: bee reasonable
when Ireland’s Prime Minister Micheál Martin faced the press during his White House visit, here’s one of the questions he was asked.
“why in the world did you let Rosie O’Donnell move to Ireland?”
what in the chicken fried fuck? it was bad enough for Martin that he had to suffer in silence while Donny prattled on about how Chuck Schumer is no longer a Jew and everybody is transgender, but when it’s his turn to finally field a question, this is the drivel he gets?
know who that “reporter” is? it’s Marjorie Sporkfoot Greene’s boyfriend, Brian Glenn — the same jackass who asked Zelensky why he doesn’t wear a suit.
Brian’s better known as Bee Face, the guy who looks like he was stung by all the bees.
Bee Face works for Newsmax now, and because Donny’s White House is as clowntastic as it is fascist, Bee Face is an actual credentialed reporter.
so, while the Associated Press has to wait in the hall as punishment for refusing to play Dear Leader’s Gulf of America’s games, Bee Face gets to sit in their seat, and stink up the joint with his asinine questions.
we really do live in the stupidest possible timeline.
thursday:
hey, you know who’s the world’s biggest chessboard pigeon? the Space Nazi, that’s who. he’s constantly shitting all over the national discourse, and then strutting around like he just dropped the world’s biggest truth bomb.
here’s Elon’s latest foray into being an evil preening shitwad. he took an idiotic tweet and lifted it from its well-deserved obscurity by retweeing it to his two hundred gazillion followers.
“Stalin, Mao and Hitler didn’t murder millions of people. their public sector workers did.”
this is third-grade level logic at work, and it’s also a gratuitous slam at the government workers who the Space Nazi utterly despises.
it’s also totally fucking evil, because it handwaves away three of recent history’s greatest villains. oh, it wasn’t their fault. it was the federal bureaucracy that did the crimes.
that’s not the way it works. that’s not the way any of this works.
listen up, stupids: do you know why Charles Manson died in prison, even though he technically didn’t kill anyone? because he was in fucking charge, that’s why. the whole let’s do some gruesome murders thing was his idea.
that’s how it works. that’s why we revile Hitler, Mao and Stalin — because they were evil fuckfaces who sat at the top of a ginormous pile of shitweasels. I can’t believe I even have to explain this. what is wrong with these people?
now get the fuck off my chessboard.
friday: who would Jesus date?
christofascist pastor Joel Webbon finds himself in a bit of a sticky wicket. you see, he was hoping to sell tickets to a Christian singles event, and it seems that he’s now having to give them away for free, because … well, let’s let Joel explain.
“…completely free, and also the admission cost to the singles event. we are hoping to fill up our singles event, and finding godly Christian single women has been, well, I’ll just say, much more difficult than finding godly Christian single men.”
now comes the part where we throw back our heads in laughter.
no one could have predicted this. really weird how a bunch of unpleasant misogynistic god-botherers can’t find any women who want to attend their Incelpalooza.
hey, Pastor Joel — I’m playing gospel hits for you, on the world’s tiniest violin.
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
There are no words that can define how pitifully dumb America is right now. After yesterdays disastrous showing in the Senate, we are truly being led by morons. Someone suggested that Schumer knows what he’s doing. OK. Explain his reasons like I’m in 2nd grade…cause I dont see it. Damn.
To the " godly " christian " men ".So you can't find a good woman to date ?
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