this week in stupid: June 21 edition

CNN blithers, Donny dithers, and so much more...

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

---

monday: protest this

there must have been a massive gas leak in Florida’s 13th district that went undetected on Election Day 2022. no other rational explanation exists for their selection of Anna Paulina Luna to represent them in Congress.

why do I posit this? well, let’s let Ann Appalling Lunatic put her own batshittery on display.

“I do believe that you should be made aware of, if you are not already, that you are working with and going to speaking at an organization and rally that is not just funded by Christy Walton, heiress of Walmart, but also has ties to the Chinese Progressive Association, largely funding it, that actually brags on their web site that they are pro-Maoist. and when you use brown people just like they use black people at BLM, and Marxist during BLM, to usher that in … you’re essentially ushering in Communism. you’re not actually fighting for American values. don’t roll your eyes.”

wait, how does Anna know I’m rolling my eyes right now? I’m also miming jerk-off motions — but let’s let her prattle on.

“I’m very interested, so much so that we are launching an investigation into this on oversight, at least on into Mr [unintelligible] and I also talked to Chairman Comer about issuing a subpoena to George Soros, which I think he’s going to, and I actually just received a message today from Representative Andrew, who’s in New Jersey, that actually said on his subcommittee which he is a chairman, they’re going to be specifically looking at George Soros’ interference in our election process.”

let me stop you right there, Anna. no one is paying us to protest the clumsy fascism of Little Donny Fuckface. no one is getting a check from Christy Walton. no one’s getting a check from George Soros.

because a picture is worth a thousand words, I’m going to let this woman explain it to you.

no, wait — let’s give the final word on the subject to ‘mr. dave hill,’ because his response to Anna’s video is the best. response. ever.

---

tuesday: when in doubt, just blame Joe

oh for fuck’s sake, are you kidding me with this bullshit?

“The single biggest failure of the Biden administration was that he and Congress didn’t pass any post-Watergate-style reforms.”

seriously? CNN can’t stop shitting on Joe Biden’s head. they just spent an entire month trying to convince us that Biden’s brain went fuckity-bye a hundred years ago, and now they’re complaining that Sleepy Joe didn’t pass enough laws.

Donny already does whatever the fuck he wants. how would more laws stop the guy who the Supreme Court has declared a Very Special Boy Who Can Get Away With Everything?

can I have some of what CNN is smoking?

fuck it, let’s just do the thousand-word-picture thing again. maybe this meme will explain it in a way that even the worthless scribblers at CNN will understand.

---

wednesday: stupidity is forever

this week, Republicans needed a fresh new face to preside over their endless quest to find out just how old Joe Biden is. so they spun the Wheel of Moron — and look who it landed on.

that’s right, Chuck Grassley. perfect! who better to chair a hearing on Joe’s alleged impairment than the seven-hundred-and-ninety-one-year-old Chuckles McFeeble, whose own brain left the station during the Late Pleistocene era.

while Grassley & Co. were stinking up the hearing room with as much stupid as possible, Democrats did a very smart thing. Dick Durbin played a two-minute supercut of the many times an obviously cognitively-impaired Donny’s brain was leaking out of his ears.

after the video concluded, Durbin said “do any of these statements raise a question of cognitive ability? you be the judge. if my colleagues are truly interested in issues of presidential succession and disability under the 25th Amendment, I would suggest they embark on this constitutional journey with a proposed amendment, not today’s political adventure.”

and then he stood up, and walked out — followed by every other Democrat in the room.

leaving the Republicans to circle-jerk themselves to completion.

perfect. thank you, Democrats.

---

thursday: why am I not reassured

Bible-thumping oddity Kat Kerr is, in her own words, a “demon tormentor and Spiritual King.” her web site invites you to “discover what Heaven is like by someone who has been there many times.”

Kat was apparently up in Heaven again this week, and she’s returned with some calming news from the Big Guy in the Sky.

lay it on us, Kat.

“the lord has told me to please let the people know, there will be no World War III. so number one, no matter what’s going on, it will not become World War III.”

I don’t know about you, but I feel better already, not having to worry that the Mad King Donny is going to clownfuck us into a nuclear conflagration in the Middle East.

oh no, wait — I just remembered that way back in 2020, the Goddinator told Kat that Donny would beat Joe Biden in a landslide.

Kat Kerr was among the “prophets” who most frequently claimed to have been personally told by God that Trump would easily win reelection in 2020 by a landslide.

oh, fuck. it looks like God might actually be a bit shit at predicting the future — so maybe we all need to stop reading this right now and start digging that backyard fallout shelter.

---

friday: he’s a lock for the Nobel A Piece Of Your Brain Is Missing Prize

oh look, it’s that time of year again, when Little Donny Fuckface starts bellyaching about how totally unfair it is that he hasn’t already won every Nobel Peace Prize, ever.

“well, they should give me the Nobel Prize for Rwanda and if you look, the Congo, or you could say Serbia, Kosovo, you could say a lot of them. you could say, I don’t know, the big one is India and Pakistan. I should’ve gotten it four or five times.”

fact check: fuck off.

nonetheless, Donny’s whining continued into the night, on his janky app.

so many grievances, so little time. look at all the shit Donny’s claiming credit for.

fun true fact: the Serbia-Kosovo war ended in 1999. it’s pretty impressive that Donny took time off from bankrupting five Atlantic City casinos back then to intervene in that little dust-up — and it was totally unfair of Bill Clinton to glom all the hosannas for it.

Donny’s being modest, you know. his role as a peace-maker actually goes back hundred of years. in 1763, he personally brokered the cease-fire that led to the end of the French and Indian War.

it’s shameful of the Nobel Committee to have overlooked Donny’s role in helping Henry V win the Battle of Agincourt in 1415 — especially since he single-handedly carried a wounded Chuck Grassley to safety.

fuck me, we’re forgetting all about that time, in a galaxy far, far away, when Donny blew up the Death Star. did you sleep through this one, Nobel Committee?

counterpoint: of course, the Nobel people actually did give a Peace Prize to this blood-spattered war criminal, so, really, all bets are off.

---

saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.

---

do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!

---

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

---

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

everyone is entitled to my own opinion is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

754 / 843