this week in stupid: July 5 edition
MAGA says no, Donny says yo, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: new Mamdani scandal drops
this week, during a massive heat wave that strained New York’s energy infrastructure, New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani made a perfectly reasonable request: could all New Yorkers please set their air conditioners to 78 degrees, so that NY’s power grid doesn’t overload and, y’know, go all blooey and plunge the city into darkness.
but because we live in the stupidest timeline imaginable, the worst people in the world completely lost their shit.
the MAGAverse exploded into a massive display of performative dumbfuckery.
that’s right, BullyBelleTN isn’t going to let the Communist Dictator of New York tell her what to do.
neither is professional election loser Spencer Pratt.
oh my god, could all of you Francises please lighten the fuck up?
first of all, Commie Mamdani was making a request, not a command. there’s no enforcement mechanism. the Temperature Police aren’t going to smash down your door and demand to see your thermostat. Christ on a bike, whatever happened to doing shit for the common good?
second of all, no one gives a crap what you do, MAGA. stop it with all the peacocking. do whatever the fuck you want. turn your air conditioner down to zero. sleep on a bed of ice cubes. just keep it to yourself. we don’t care.
third of all, setting your AC to 78 isn’t some Commie New York thing. it’s a standard energy-saving recommendation made by municipalities all across the country — even in red states like Georgia.
and also in Texas, where their shitty power grid fails every time you look at it funny.
the Esteemed Senator Fidel Cancun knows what I’m talking about.
for fuck’s sake, even the federal government recommends setting your AC to 78 degrees.
oh no, wait. as soon as word got out that Commie Mamdani was simply urging New Yorkers to follow the White House’s own guidelines, Preznit Fuckwit’s flunkies deleted that web page, pronto.
booyah, commies.
tuesday: up we go— nah, never mind
holy shit, that was fucking exhausting. we definitely need a quick palate cleanse after all that. can we just get someone like the Marvelous Mister Measles in here to do something simple and easy to mock, like maybe doing one-third of a pull-up and then walking away?
he can? oh, that’s awesome.
let’s gif that clownfuckery for posterity’s sake.
thanks for doing us a solid, bro.
wednesday: wide load
excuse me, but what the fuck is going on with President Junk In The Trunk’s ass?
is he cosplaying as the front half of a centaur? is he wearing *all* the diapers? is he smuggling a microwave oven back there?
thursday: newer Mamdani scandal drops
oh look — the dumbest fucking people on the planet are now accusing New York City’s Communist Dictator of not knowing how to desk.
what the fuck is wrong with MAGA?
okay everyone, let’s have a quick refresher. tell me, what does the stupid do?
that’s right, it burns.
it’s all so eternally dumb. what the Communist Dictator of New York was sitting at is the Washington Desk.
it’s called the Washington Desk because George Fucking Washington literally sat at it when he was president, when Federal Hall in New York City was our nation’s first capitol building. that desk is now in New York City Hall.
and — spoiler alert — it has drawers on both sides of it.
did you really think that the Father of our Country didn’t know how to desk?
oh, please — get real.
oh, look who else doesn’t know how to desk. it’s some fucking idiot.
in the hallowed name of Responsible Journalism and Everything™, I showed that photo to Google’s janky six-fingered plagiarism robot, and this is what it told me.
This image shows U.S. President Donald Trump seated at the C&O desk in the Oval Office. [1, 2]
The C&O desk, named for the Chesapeake and Ohio Railway, was built in 1920 and first used in the White House by President Franklin D. Roosevelt.
It is one of six desks used in the Oval Office and served as the primary desk for President George H.W. Bush.
The desk is typically brought into use when the primary Resolute Desk is being restored or used elsewhere. [1, 2]
and do you remember why the Resolute Desk had to be restored? it was because the Space Nazi’s hellspawn, the Crown Prince Snotwiper, deposited a fresh load of magic nose goblins all over it.
thank god President Some Fucking Idiot wasn’t awake to see it happen.
and speaking of some fucking idiot, it’s time for—
friday: the further adventures of Some Fucking Idiot™
on Friday, some fucking idiot started his day by appearing on Second Lady Usha McGee’s podcast, where he admitted that if his name isn’t in it, he’s not going to read a goddamned thing.
the fucking idiot’s handlers then bundled him into Fuckface Force One, bound for the Black Hills of South Dakota, so that fucking idiot could speechify in front of Mount Rushmore.
can somebody please tell me why the fucking idiot it so obsessed with Rushmore? he’s never going to be on it, no matter how many times he posts AI-generated slop onto his crappy app.
during his speech, the fucking idiot, while standing on stolen ground, said that accurately describing the stolen ground he was standing on as stolen ground meant that you were a Marxist liar.
hey, you know who else is a Marxist liar? Google’s janky six-fingered plagiarism robot. I asked it, ‘is Mount Rushmore stolen land?’
Yes. Mount Rushmore is located in the Black Hills of South Dakota, which were guaranteed to the Lakota Sioux in perpetuity under the 1868 Treaty of Fort Laramie. The U.S. government seized the land without compensation a few years later after gold was discovered.
oh, nice.
the fucking idiot also whined once again about not having won the Nobel Prize — a perfectly appropriate subject for a speech about America’s 250th birthday.
what even is the fucking idiot gibbering about here?
can anyone tell? we ‘won big’ at Mount Rushmore? was there some Battle of the Broken Treaty that I’m not aware of?
but let’s cut that ass-clownery short, because it’s time to move on to the main event—
saturday: the even further adventures of Some Fucking Idiot™
Saturday was the Fourth of July, America’s 250th birthday, and it was the fucking idiot’s chance to make the most important speech of his life. a speech like few thought possible. maybe even the greatest speech of all time.
a big strong speech with tears in its eyes.
the Weather Gods had their own chance to do the funniest thing ever, and they did not disappoint.
which led to the complete evacuation of the fucking idiot’s Big Empty Shitpile on the National Mall.
oh, and because the entirety of MAGA is a moron, the most predictable thing in the world happened next — the cultists refused to accept reality, refused to evacuate, argued with law enforcement, and blamed the whole thing on liberals in the weather service.
Fox News, having absolutely nothing to air, graced us with the absurd image of the fucking idiot watching himself on Fox News, watching himself on Fox News.
oh, and the fucking idiot’s historic once-in-a-lifetime speech? it was a huge snore. it was just a standard-issue ‘look at me, I’m amazing’ boilerplate rally speech that will be completely forgotten by tomorrow.
the fucking idiot praised himself for his imaginary accomplishments.
he said a lot of typically stupid shit.
and he was a glitching mess.
and then, after it was all over, the fucking idiot fell asleep during his own clownishly over-the-top fireworks display, because of course he did.
and because the press wasn’t allowed at any point to get near the fucking idiot, not one reporter had the opportunity to stand up and, at long last, ask ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’
how fucking idiotic is that?
now let’s put a close to This Week in Stupid and have us some Daily Claudia.
Ms Spouse was never stupid, but she could be quite silly at times. for instance, why was she wearing a rain hat in the house on May 14, 2023?
oh, it’s because she was clowning around.
have a non-stupid Sunday, everyone.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
I think I just got stupider from spending four hours writing about all that stupid
When we were young and living in NY we didn’t have air conditioning but in the winter we never raised the thermostat above 68. I guess my parents were communists.