as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: it’s a bird! it’s a plane! it’s an entire nation of fuckwits!
since this is a year that ends in a number, there’s a new Superman movie. I think this is the seven millionth in the series.
apparently, the dumbest imbeciles in the universe are power-loading their diapers over this newest installment, because the movie really leans into the fact that Superman is — get this — an immigrant.
I know, right? that’s been Superman’s origin story since the very beginning, and somehow MAGA is just figuring this out right now — and they’re tearing themselves to pieces over the whole he’s not from around here aspect and demanding to know ‘why can’t we just skip ahead to the part where he punches the shit out of people we hate?’
‘Superman is a literal alien. He didn’t come to America illegally. He landed here.’
I’m sorry, Superman did what now? he landed here?
you have to love the resourcefulness of MAGA. this woman has invented a whole new carve-out for immigration. if you can get here from space, you’re cool.
never mind that the baby Kal-El arrived on earth without a single shred of documentation. calm the fuck down, Tom Homan — what part of ‘he got here in a rocket’ do you need explained to you?
so all those whatsits from Mars Attacks are legal, too? good to know.
what about the Predator? he got here in his very own spaceship. I guess we should just let him hang out?
oh joy of joys. Fox News found object Jesse Watters is back with one of his ‘rules for men.’
“rules for men: a man should never photoshop his picture — ever. a man who photoshops his picture is a woman.”
this tiresome twatwaffle never stops coming up with asinine things that literally make a man a woman. according to Jesse — for those of you keeping score at home — the ever-growing list includes such unmanly abominations as “don’t eat soup in public,” “don’t cross your legs,” “don’t drink from a straw,” “don’t wave your arms in public,” and my all time personal favorite, “real men don’t talk about masculinity.”
let’s discuss this ‘a real man never photoshops his picture’ rule — because I know of a fragile narcisscist who never stops pasting his dumbfuck head onto the bodies of cowboys, prizefighters, athletes, astronauts — and, most recently, that immigrant who’s not illegal because he landed here.
“The future of our country is too important. It is not wonderful if Trump had sex with a lot of children, but as Christians, we need to forgive. And it is good that he is the president, yes, even if he rapes women and girls.”
yes, this is an actual tweet from an actual person, and I don’t even know what to say, except that with all the news of the Epstein Files, we knew we’d get here eventually. it was inevitable.
let’s check in with anti-abortion activist Seth Gruber. Seth’s a real charmer, as I’m sure you’ll agree.
“one of the reasons we know that abortion is demonic and satanic is that so many of the feminists, or feminazis, to quote Rush Limbaugh … some of abortion’s most energetic and loud cheerleaders are ugly — and fat.”
wait — that’s it? that’s how you know someone is demonic? they’re fat and ugly?
excuse me for a moment, but I have to make a phone call.
yeah, hi, Ghostbusters? can you head down to Motel-a-Lago? there’s a demonic infestation there. you’ll be looking for a guy on the golf course wearing a red hat. hey, thanks.
friday: so mad. so sad.
FBI Deputy Director Dan Bongino (yes I know, I can’t believe I just typed those words in that order either) is having both a Big Mad and a Big Sad right now.
Danny’s all caught up in a sadmad because Pam Bondi ruined his entire week by announcing that the Epstein Files were actually just a weird dream that we all just woke up from.
Danny wants Pam outta here, and he’s drawn a line in the sand: to show everyone how serious he is, he gave himself a day off.
yeah! that’ll show ’em.
‘hey, where’s Dan? I have some papers for him to sign.’ ‘oh, Dan took the day off.’ ‘huh. I guess it’ll wait until Monday.’ ‘yeah, just leave it on his desk.’
no word on whether Dan took a sick day, a personal day or a vacation day. but Danny’s now saying either Pam resigns or he quits.
the thing is, this is all just performative-nonsense theater. Bongo Danny fucking hates his job and is look for any excuse to quit, because it’s hard work — and he’s been complaining about it since day one.
Danny thought he’d get to wear cool sunglasses and flash a badge — and maybe eat for free in restaurants. nobody told him he’d be sitting behind a desk, doing boring paperwork.
what Dan Bongino really wants is to go back to the easy life of being a douchebag shitposter. boo fucking hoo.
congrats, Danny, you’re the first Week in Stupid subject to get both a binky and a tiny violin.
you know what? let’s go out on a high note. let’s repost Bongo Danny’s very first appearance in This Week in Stupid, from all the way back in July 2023, when Politico reported that The Danster got ejected from a Palm Beach restaurant.
hey, aren’t you noted conservative douchebag Dan Bongino? shut the fuck up what’s happening here, Dan? shut the fuck up isn’t this the Cucina restaurant in Palm Beach? shut the fuck up pretty fancy restaurant, isn’t it, Dan? shut the fuck up it looks like they’re throwing your ass the fuck out onto the sidewalk shut the fuck up what’cha do to get tossed, Dan? shut the fuck up have a great day, Dan. shut the fuck up
ah, memories.
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
everyone is entitled to my own opinion is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
Actually, I do have a contribution. I saw a tweet from a MAGA woman, claiming that the only reason why there are so many pictures of Trump with Epstein is that… (wait for it)… he bravely undertook to infiltrate Epstein’s close circle in order to get evidence that he (Epstein) was a pedophile. Trump did this even though he knew that Epstein might have him killed.
Actually, I do have a contribution. I saw a tweet from a MAGA woman, claiming that the only reason why there are so many pictures of Trump with Epstein is that… (wait for it)… he bravely undertook to infiltrate Epstein’s close circle in order to get evidence that he (Epstein) was a pedophile. Trump did this even though he knew that Epstein might have him killed.
I would like to leave this planet now.
An unpredictable Saturday awaits us.
and this is why the media outlets fucking love that fat Nazi grifter.