this week in stupid: February 8 edition
Donny perceives it, Sporky believes it, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.
monday: make antisemitism great again
here’s a lovely post from the Nazi cesspit formerly known as Twitter.
“Wonder if the CIA would help Trump overthrow and kick this Jew out of power in Mexico? Probably not. Can DOGE/Elon do this? LMAO.”
apparently this charming rando is upset that the ‘Jew’ president of Mexico outwitted Donny in the great battle of the tariffs — except this isn’t just some rando here. he’s an elected official: North Dakota State Rep. Nico Rios.
when contacted by a reporter from the North Forks Herald and asked what the fuck, dude, Rep. Rios immediately hunkered down into what? what? since when can’t we tell the truth? mode.
“Isn’t she Jewish?” an unapologetic Rios asked when I reached him by phone and asked about this social media post targeting Mexico’s president. “Why is it wrong that I state a fact?”
fine, Nico. if you want to state facts, go right ahead — and when we label you a “low-class antisemitic fuckwad who cuts his hair with a lawnmower,” remember, we’re just stating facts.
tuesday: make corruption great again
Venmo is an app that facilitates the transfer of money. its primary use is to allow friends to easily settle up their share of a night on the town. here’s a fun thing about Venmo: its default setting is public. anyone can look you up and see that Mary Lou sent you fifty bucks to cover her share of the dinner tab.
it should go without saying, however, that if you’re a public official up to your eyeballs in shady dealings with corporations, set that shit to private — because otherwise, this is what happens.
Hegseth’s Venmo profile, left on public, reveals a digital Rolodex stocked with C-suite executives who have serious financial stakes in befriending the top dog at DOD. Despite the depiction of Hegseth by both Trump acolytes and Democrats alike as an anti-establishment crusader, his contacts are stocked with consummate Washington insiders from the political, media, and donor class.
(by the way, a Venmo account left public is also how we found out that Matt Gaetz sure likes to send thousands of dollars to teenage girls he claims to have never met.)
but you know what else happens when you forget to set your Venmo to private? this:
gotta love that ‘remind’ button. hey Pete — yeah, it’s me again. do me a solid?
make stupidity great again
Donny Convict and the Space Nazi are constantly posting AI-generated photos of themselves in heroic poses, tarted up as cowboys or superheroes — because that’s what you do when you’re an unloved, emotionally-fragile toddler in need of constant affirmation that you’re not the worthless piece of shit that Daddy said you were.
but does anyone actually fall for it? is there anyone out there who’s so fucking low-wattage that they gaze upon computer generated artwork of the Space Nazi pretending to be a government official and conclude gee, I guess he is?
yes there is. Marjorie Three Toes Greene.
“on August 19th of 2024 — this is before the election — Elon Musk posted on his own account, ‘I am willing to serve.’ and that right there says ‘DOGE.’ this was not something created after the election.”
wrap your mind around that. this ninny is using a computer-generated image to prove that the Space Nazi’s Department of Breaking Shit You Don’t Understand was an actual government agency that was created before the election.
does Sporky not remember who was president before January 20th? does she actually imagine that DOGE was set up by Joe Biden?
dear lord, she’s so fucking dumb. I swear, this woman would be fooled by a painting of a tunnel.
thursday: make god-mad delusion great again
self-described “prophet” Donna Rigney is another one of these holy rollers who apparently has the Almighty God on speed-dial, and regularly phones him up to shoot the shit.
you absolutely do not want to fuck with Donna, though, because she’s got powers that you tiny-brained mortals can’t begin to comprehend. for instance, she can open portals to Heaven.
“I said, we’re going to open a portal tonight over the White House, and we are going to give glory to God, as this happens, that God wants that portal open, so we’re believing for that. and we’re going to get rid of all that’s wicked, all presidents before Donald Trump, invited by their actions, any evil into the White House. my son John had a vision — he’s a prophet — he had a vision, and he saw the White House, months ago, all in black, and it was like a shade was pulled, and God spoke, and he said, ‘my White House is going to be turned white again.”
frankly, I would not have guessed God to be a supremacist, but he sure does seem enthusiastic about keeping the White House white.
but let’s talk about this ‘opening portals to Heaven’ shit. I’m not impressed, because samesies. I can open portals to Heaven, too. my neighbors don’t know this, but I’m constantly cleansing the neighborhood of wickedness. every time nothing bad happens, that was me. I did that, with my mind. but I don’t brag about it like numb-nuts here, because I’m not in it for the glory.
oh, this claim that her son is a prophet? again, not impressed. my daughter’s a prophet, too. she predicted that Donny Convict getting reelected would fucking suck, and she was right.
friday: make humiliating Donny great again
after Time Magazine put President Space Nazi on the their cover, reporters had only one question for Vice President Donny: how fucking much to you hate this?
reporter: “mister president, do you have any reaction to the new Time Magazine cover that has Elon Musk sitting behind your Resolute Desk?”
Donny: “nooooo.”
oof, that’s gotta hurt. but wait — let’s isolate and slow down Saddy McSadsad’s big moment of sad.
you can actually pinpoint the second where the will to live drains out of him.
sorry, Donny, the Simpsons did it first.
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
actual text that I just received from a neighbor: https://substack.com/profile/51646226-jeff-tiedrich/note/c-92019406
1. Nico’s weird ass mullet screams asshat in the front and fuckwit in the back
2. The only portal opening above the WH is Dante’s Inferno.