this week in stupid: December 13 edition
Glenn Beck wrecks it, Donny bedecks it, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: life, liberty and the pursuit of what in the actual fuck
here’s some nightmare fuel no one asked for — or wanted — but Glenn Beck is inflicting it on us anyway: his ‘interview’ with an AI-generated George Washington.
for some inexplicable reason, AI George (who looks more like AI Gavin Newsom to me) is tarted up in a tight black t-shirt, as if he were some tech-bro version of a founding father.
oh, and excellent job on George’s fingers, Glenn.
but there’s only one thing you need to know about the video: AI George (whose mouth doesn’t match the words coming out of it) is too erudite for a dumbfuck like Beck to understand.
AI George: “if I may speak plainly, my countrymen, the danger, the greatest danger to our republic, lies not in foreign arms or in political faction, but—”
Glenn Beck: “may I interrupt you for a second? could you just dumb it down just a little bit?”
how unfair of Fake George to use big words like ‘countrymen’ and ‘republic.’
I can’t wait until some fuckface comes up with a MAGAfied AI Jesus and uses it to ‘prove’ that ‘blessed are the demented Mad Kings, for they shall shit themselves raw in the Oval Bordello.’
anyway, who needs Glenn Beck’s George Washington when we have Jesse Duquette’s?
tuesday: deck the halls with boughs of what in the actual fuck
look who showed up at this year’s White House Christmas Party: Florida Congresswoman Ann Appalling Lunatic — and she’s brought a friend with her: five-time international lap-hockey champion, Handy Oakley.
questions, as always, abound.
foremost, why is Handy humping Anna’s leg? Handy’s not very big on boundaries, is she. it looks as if she’s just seconds away from giving Anna a vigorous beetlejuicing.
why is Handy always posing like she’s engaging in the world’s oldest profession? she’s standing there as if she were under the gas lamps, luring the farm boys.
is Handy of the impression that the Oval Bordello is an actual bordello? I mean, sure, it’s hard to tell the difference, what with all that vulgar gold-spray-painted tat. but still. come on, woman — you’re embarrassing AI George Washington.
wednesday: have yourself a merry little what in the actual fuck
Fox News has a cheery holiday message for the dunderheads watching at home:
‘oh, were you expecting a nice, live Christmas tree this year? go fuck yourselves, Big Data needs that land for gigantic server farms, so that Glenn Beck can shit out an endless series of fake founding fathers.’
“this server farm is a hundred and fifty acres. yeah, there’s gonna be farms. and there will be transmission lines that have to go through developments. that’s the very nature of a growing economy. like that’s just— everybody needs to get on board. I just don’t— you know what? buy a fake tree.”
for those of you keeping score at home, you are officially allotted five pencils, two dolls and one plastic Christmas tree.
what the fuck kind of messaging is this? ‘you peons should be happy with less, while tech bros are allowed eat up more energy than many entire countries use in a year.’
here’s my reply to Big Data: piss up a rope, pal. you need a server farm? go knock down one of Dear Leader’s shitty golf motels. in fact, flatten all of them. boom — problem solved!
where does this dumbfuckery end? it’s a legit question to ask, because it’s only a short step from telling the cultists to ‘enjoy your fake tree’ to convincing them to willingly become batteries for the Matrix.
come on, loyal patriots — step into the tank. everyone needs to get on board!
thursday: me, myself and what in the actual fuck
oh look — the world’s wealthiest shitwad is out here having a perfectly normal one.
“I’d like to know who the asshole was that came up with the pronouns bullshit in the first place. That dipshit deserves a solid punch in the face.”
gee, the Space Snowflake seems a bit triggered. show us on the doll where pronouns hurt you, bro.
Elon has more money than god. dude could be doing anything in the world, and this is how he chooses to spend his time — hanging out at his own Nazi bar, and airing every single one of his petty grievances. how tiny is that?
since everyone is so into AI this week, let’s waste a few gigawatts on asking one ‘when were pronouns invented?’
look like the Space Nazi is going to have to invent a time machine before he can beat the shit out of the inventor of he, she and it.
you know, there’s only one good response to these fragile shitwits who crap their drawers every time their delicate ears encounter a pronoun — and forgive me for bragging, but I came with it years ago.
friday: the further adventures of some fucking idiot
Friday got off to a great start for some fucking idiot, with the release of super creepy photos from the estate of his dead pedo bestie.
what’s the biggie? who among us hasn’t been photographed with girls whose faces had to be blacked out because they’re all underage victims?
the fucking idiot had a perfectly normal reaction to the news.
President Donald Trump went on a posting spree just minutes after some of the photos from trafficker Jeffrey Epstein’s estate were released by Congress.
There were 21 different posts in seven minutes, including memes and videos celebrating Trump and what he paints as his achievements.
the fucking idiot then held some Oval Bordello event, during which he was careful to hide his rotting hand as best he could.
the fucking idiot was ostensibly signing a bill honoring the members of the 1980 Olympic hockey team (why?) — so why the cowboy hats?
what the fuck even is this?
no, seriously — what the fuck?
who wore it better?
then, for the eighth time this month, the fucking idiot insulted a black woman to her face.
and not one worthless scribbler of the corporate-controlled media stood up to ask ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’
how fucking idiotic is that?
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
929 / 1018
oh, and happy 100th birthday to the definitely-not-stupid Dick Van Dyke
"is Carl Sandburg's 'Chicago' too obscure a reference for 'this week in stupid'?" may have been a thing I said to Ms. Spouse over dinner last night