as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: wut
stupid got off to an astonishingly quick start this week, because what’s stupider than MAGA?
trick question! the answer is nothing.
Jason Selvig of the Good Liars: “what’s Donald Trump’s greatest accomplishment in his first year and a half?”
cultist: “Trump’s done a lot of things. number one, a lot of people don’t realize, he got our country back — because we’ve been under the reign of Great Britain the last 125 years. they destroyed the evidence.”
Selvig: “what? wait, we’ve been under the reign of Great Britain?”
cultist: “that’s why King Charles came here, he thought he was going to manipulate Donald Trump. and Trump went along with him, cause that’s who he is. but that’s what the 250 years was really about, was we got our country back.”
Selvig: “where did you see this?”
cultist: “you just gonna have to research, just like I did. it’s true.”
what the fuck did we all just listen to?
this woman had every opportunity in the world to give a perfectly normal MAGA-pilled answer. ‘he got rid of the illegals.’ ‘he stopped the transgender.’ ‘he made America great again.’
but no, she couldn’t do that. she had to shit out her own one-person fever-swamp hallucination about 125 years of secret British oppression. she’s that fucking out there where the buses don’t run.
where do they find these people?
I have a question: if Donny’s so amazing, how come he couldn’t end this British treachery during his first term?
let’s do this: let’s have some kind of commendation for this level of sheer crazypants.
for her tale of how Donny outsmarted King Chuck, let’s award her the Presidential Medal of Dumbfuck — the same one Rush Limbaugh got from Dear Leader’s Slovenian rent-a-wife.
tuesday: food for thought
okay, this one’s not a trick question: what do you get when the FDA fires most of its food inspectors?
answer: the Summer of the Human Shit-Geysers.
sure, cyclospora’s grabbed all the headlines, because who doesn’t love them some ass-spraying mayhem? but check out what else has been going on in These United States of Gastric Distress, just this week.
The USDA has issued a recall of frozen buffalo chicken products at the highest risk level, indicating a reasonable chance of “serious adverse health consequences or death” after the products were sold without federal inspection.
chicken. how do you fuck up chicken?
for that matter, how do you fuck up butter?
The FDA has upgraded a recall of pistachio butter to the highest risk level, indicating a reasonable chance of “serious adverse health consequences or death” from salmonella contamination.
oh, come on. what’s next, guacamole?
The FDA has upgraded a recall of guacamole to the highest risk level, indicating a reasonable chance of “serious adverse health consequences or death” from salmonella contamination.
please don’t tell me that even rice is being recalled. please, I don’t want to hear about— oh, fuck.
More Than 54,000 Pounds Of Jasmine Rice Have Been Recalled—What To Know
mind you — all these recalls are from one 48-hour period.
how about we all just stop eating between now and when the next president gets inaugurated on January 20, 2029? do you think we can manage to do that? because that seems to be the only way right now to avoid being poisoned by our own food supply.
all this shit is being processed, packaged, and foisted on an unsuspecting public, because there aren’t enough inspectors to go around. what the fuck? what’s going on?
Project 2025 is going on, that’s what. all this fuckery was planned out in advance and was put into place on purpose.
This is an unnecessary regulatory barrier that makes it difficult to get meat and poultry into interstate commerce to create more options for consumers and farmers.
fuck me. can we go back to being secretly run by Great Britain?
at this point. I’d gladly trade sovereignty for a little intestinal peace and quiet.
wednesday: ugh. just ugh.
these people are fucking evil.
goddammit,. I loathe these shitheads so much.
is this supposed to be funny?
how fucking warped and sick do you have to be to take a series of books for children about a teacher who takes her students on magical journeys, and turn it into some fucked-up tweet about getting rid of immigrants — while children are being deported?
fuck you, you fucking fucks. I hope there’s a special place in hell.
fuck you completely. fuck you forever.
I hope Threads user SKar Go makes good on his threat.
“Funny, I used to be the trademark lawyer for the Magic Bus and would LOVE to send this cease and desist letter.”
go for it. we are all behind you, one hundred percent.
thursday: nakbata kochoday! right back atcha, big guy.
dear sweet Jesus, we definitely need a palate cleanse after that, so here’s self-styled MAGA ‘prophet’ Hank Kunneman, screeching like a meth-tweaked chimpanzee and pretending to speak in tongues.
“we make an intercession of the midterms. nakbata kochoday! nackteday bahaya! een greatenay na taya! mon doe!”
holy fuck. apparently, this lunatic gibbered like this for over twenty minutes. this clip mercifully cuts out after a minute and twenty-seven seconds.
and if that didn’t cleanse the old palate for you, then here’s our piss-drunk Secretary of Death, Flippy McCrushnuts, doing what he does best.
friday: the further adventures of Some Fucking Idiot™
on Friday, some fucking idiot began his day by making infantile threats.
that’s a shitload of tough talk, coming from the same fucking idiot who just last week wedged himself and his diaper nurse into Catering Cart One, in order to hide in terror from the very same people he’s now threatening to single-handedly pew-pew-pew-pew to smithereens.
cool story, bro.
after that, the fucking idiot’s minders cleaned him up, freshened his diaper, and bundled him off to Houston, Texas, where he was scheduled to speechify at the Johnson Space Center.
did the diaper nurse travel with the fucking idiot, and grin at him like a lovesick stalker? do you even have to ask?
the fucking idiot must have thought he was at a campaign rally, because he immediately started bragging about his imaginary accomplishments. his boasts were met with complete silence from the emotional support astronauts that his handlers had posed behind him.
as the fucking idiot rambled incoherently, the astronauts just stood there, quiet as churchmice.
the fucking idiot took credit for inventing space. the astronauts were not impressed.
the fucking idiot whined about not have a crater named after him. still more silence from the astronauts.
the fucking idiot’s speech was so boring, that he even put himself to sleep — while standing up.
next, the fucking idiot called the astronauts on the International Space Station. tell me, has this demented old coot forgotten how to use a phone? it’s a legit question to ask, because the fucking idiot awkwardly held the thing about a foot away from his fat, waterlogged head as he blithered like a lunatic.
and now, we take you live, to the International Space Station, for the astronauts’ reaction to hearing from the fucking idiot.
after the fucking idiot’s Big Boy Speech to the space cadets was over, he went back to the White House — and back to typing dumbfuck bullshit into his phone.
oh look, the fucking idiot has named himself to be THE! GREATEST! PRESIDENT! EVER! quelle surprise.
and, because the fucking idiot was posting from the privacy of the White House residence, not one reporter was around to stand up and ask, ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’
how fucking idiotic is that?
and now, let’s put a close to This Week in Stupid and have us some Daily Claudia.
here are some selfies of Katie and her mom in Bodega Bay, California, on June 3, 2024.
have a non-stupid Saturday, everyone.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
today in Shit That Happened While I Was Busy Writing This Shit—
"Trump’s DHS is using an obscure law to secretly snoop on journalists, non-profits and unions"
"Even after judges rejected the same ploy, the Trump administration is going directly to social media and telecommunications companies"
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/aug/29/trump-dhs-1509-summons-records-journalists-nonprofits?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other
ugh. these people are the worst
“Ass spraying mayhem” 😂😂😂
I thought rice was at least safe. Christ. I haven’t had a salad in a month either. But you know what IS SAFE? A vodka martini.
We’re all gonna die.🤦♀️