the State of the Union is— oh who gives a fuck, really
was anyone surprised by any of this?
my fellow Americans, the state of Donny’s State of the Union is… boring as fuck.
let’s get real. last night’s speech was exactly the shit-show we expected it to be. did Donny lie? of course he did.
did he praise himself for imaginary accomplishments, and bellyache about every grudge and grievance? naturally. did he demonize immigrants, literally call Democrats crazy, and crank the fascism dial way past eleven? oh yeah. did he ramble incoherently, slur his words and grip the podium for dear life? mm-hmm. did the whole thing go on waaaaay too long? absofuckinglutely.
did Donny shit himself? only his minders know the answer to that.
you know what? fuck all that noise. let’s just talk about the spectacle of the three-ring dipshittery that went on before and after the speech.
let’s put our Hero of the Day right up top: it’s whoever is in charge of programming at the Turner Classic Movies channel — because look what they chose to air at the same time as Donny’s speech: the film ‘Gaslight.’
now that, my friends, is some Nobel-prizewinning trolling.
here’s a question: why do Republicans always talk about Dear Leader as if he were the coolest rapist they know?
Josh Hawley: “what I can say for sure is Donald Trump is not gonna take ‘no’ for an answer.”
that’s a particularly grotesque thing for Josh to say — especially in light of the other big story of the day.
The Justice Department has withheld some Epstein files related to allegations that President Trump sexually abused a minor, an NPR investigation finds. It also removed some documents from the public database where accusations against Jeffrey Epstein also mention Trump.
oh, gee. that’s lovely. tell me, why do we even have a Department of Justice if all they’re going to do is carry water for Dear Leader, and bury evidence of his ahem alleged crimes? why don’t we just let Donny’s ace team of parking garage lawyers run the DOJ? oh wait — they already do.
now check out the response of rake-steppingest fuckwit in Congress, James Comer Fudd, to this absolute bombshell.
“anyone can make an anonymous call and accuse anyone of anything.”
oh, please do fuck all the way off, you hog-romancin’ yokel.
Comer Fudd’s answer is rich, coming from the guy who based his entire investigation of the ‘Biden crime family’ on fictitious accusations made by a fugitive from justice who ended up being indicted for being an unregistered foreign agent (a.k.a. a spy) for China, an arms dealer, a violator of Iran sanctions, and a fucking a liar.
could Comer Fudd — at long last — please shut the fuck up and go away forever? asking for a friend.
we definitely need a palate cleanser after that, so here’s another hero: Rep. Al Green, who held up a ‘black people aren’t apes’ sign as Donny made his way to the podium last night.
Al Green got bounced from the chamber before the speech even started, because god forbid Dear Leader get his precious fee-fees hurt, from seeing words.
when did Markwayne Mullin become the go-to guy for hot takes on cable news? Markwayne, as I never tire of saying, is what would happen if the expression ‘all hat and no cattle’ became a real boy — and yet, this low-wattage shitwit ended up appearing on no less than five cable news outlets yesterday: Fox News, Fox Business, CNBC, Newsmax and, finally, CNN.
let’s check out some of Mullins’ deathless discourse.
Markwayne Mullin: “when you talk about the economy and the amount that we brought down inflation, we cut it in half.”
Joe Kernan: “but when Trump came into office, it was about where it is right now.”
Mullin: “but we stabilized it.”
oh, come on. which is it? did you cut it in half, or did you stabilize it? because — now here’s a huge free clue — it can’t be both.
Markwayne would definitely lose a game of ‘duck season rabbit season,’ wouldn’t he?
why does this fuckwaffle continue to get invited onto every show, week after week? he has absolutely nothing of value to say. it makes you want to guzzle paint thinner straight from the can.
don’t you love it when Republicans threaten us with a good time?
Mike Johnson: “If we lost the midterms — heaven forbid, if we lost the majority in the House — it would be the end of the Trump presidency in a real effect.”
is that a promise, Holy Mike?
every Democrat running for office in 2026 should use Holy Mike’s words as a campaign ad — because that’s the whole fucking point of this year’s midterms: to put an end to the fascist hellscape nightmare we’re all currently trapped in.
is it time for another palate cleanse? here, enjoy Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib heckling Donny as he commits a racism about ‘sanctuary cities.’
(trigger warning: Omar and Tlaib are almost drowned out by Donny grating’s voice, which up to now I have saved you from having to listen to.)
Donny Convict has been in our faces for the last ten years — and yet, the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media never stop wishcasting. to heard them tell it, Donny is always one speech away from magically becoming presidential.
“Donald Trump’s State of the Union address tonight has the potential to put his presidency on more stable ground—if he doesn’t get in his own way, Jonathan Lemire tells Will Gottsegen in The Atlantic Daily.”
what is the fucking point of this nonsense?
oh sure, Donny might became presidential — just as technicolor pigs might start flying out of my ass. you never know. just click your heels together three times and wish for it really hard.
pro tip for the press: Donny is never going to become ‘presidential’ — not today, not tomorrow, not ever. he doesn’t have the temperament to be president. Hillary Clinton told you this ten years ago, and you all told her to shut the fuck up and learn how to knit.
fuck you all. maybe the press should learn how to knit.
let’s give today’s final word to Virginia Governor Abigail Spanberger, who, in her official Democratic response to Donny’s torrent of effluvia, asked (and answered) the only question that matters.
“and so you have to ask, who benefits from his rhetoric, his policies, his actions, the short list of laws he’s put through this Republican Congress? somebody must be benefiting. he’s enriching himself, his family, his friends — the scale of the corruption is unprecedented. there’s the coverup of the Epstein Files. the crypto scams. cozying up to foreign princes for airplanes, and billionaires for ballrooms. putting his name and face on buildings all over our nation’s capitol. this is not what our founders envisioned — not by a long shot. so I’ll ask again: is the president working for you? we all know the answer is no.”
not just ‘no,’ but ‘fuck, no.’
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
pro journalist tip: this, my friends, is how you cover a speech after you fell asleep on the couch 30 minutes into it
Polymarket odds on Dems taking control of the House in the midterms are at 86% this morning … up from 80% before the speech.