the squirrels inside Donald Trump’s head have eaten all the brain worms

a report from Donny's Wildwood hate-rally

the rabid squirrels that live inside Little Donny Fuckface’s head have really been trashing the joint lately. it’s a shithole mess up there in Donny’s cranium these days, what with all the loose dendrons and fraying synapses. it doesn’t help that the squirrels have been chewing on everything in sight. they’ve even gone after Trump’s beloved brain worms, gobbling up every last one of them.

Donny got let out of his cage on Saturday, and the attention-starved dipshit headed straight for a hate-rally in the Jersey Shore town of Wildwood.

the squirrels were overjoyed to be finally outside of a courtroom, and they immediately started shrieking in four-part harmony.

“Silence of the Lamb. has anyone ever seen The Silence of the Lambs? the late, great Hannibal Lecter is a wonderful man. he oftentimes would have a friend for dinner. remember the last scene? ‘excuse me. I’m about to have a friend for dinner,’ as this poor doctor walked by. ‘I’m about to have a friend for dinner.’ but Hannibal Lecter. congratulations. the late, great Hannibal Lecter...”

holy shit, what? Hannibal Lecter is a wonderful man? does Donny think Lecter is a real person? does Donald Trump think Silence of the Lambs is a documentary? and is anyone surprised that the brain-eating is Donny’s favorite part of the movie?

there was no context for this blurt. nothing that came before it led gracefully into this subject. some head-squirrel sunk its sharp little teeth into an exposed synapse, and this is the disassociated word salad that came tumbling out.

Donny also gave the crowd this awesome geography lesson.

“if you look at president… you take a look at Xi. President Xi of China, talking about Beijing. now, they’ve got ships circling. they have planes— they never were doing anything. President Xi of China, with—”

fun true fact: Beijing is landlocked, in the middle of China. the only way to circle ships around Beijing would be to put them on roller skates and have the Red Army push them.

Donny probably meant to say Taiwan but the squirrels served up Beijing instead. but please, tell me once again how Joe Biden is too decrepit to be president.

let’s give Donny a little credit here, though — at least he didn’t confuse Xi with Nancy Pelosi this time.

Donny’s adoring faithful also got this cool history lesson.

“we’re going to evict this man, the worst president by far. Jimmy Connors is— Jimmy. Jimmy Connors isscodda, he’s also happy. Jimmy is a very happy man, both of them, because you know what? they want him out. Jimmy Carter …”

ah yes, Jimmy Conners, who famously became president in 1976 by defeating John McEnroe at the US Open.

here’s a photo of McEnroe graciously conceding the election to Connors.

it’s mostly a lush life for the head-squirrels, but all is not beer and skittles. you see, there’s a family of raccoons biding their time up there in Donny’s dome as well — and every now and then they’ll fight the squirrels for primacy.

check out what happens when the raccoons launch an offensive.

“all done by Biden. carryditebyreakan… side allallbe done by him.”

but just then, the squirrels launch a counter-offensive! a right cross to a raccoon’s jaw, and—

“and it will mean Biden’s bordinny … his …”

all glitching aside, Trump also spewed some horrible shit, because that’s what happens when you put a horrible man in front of a microphone.

here’s Donny lying his face off once again about post-birth abortion, which is most definitely not a thing that happens, ever.

“the radical Democrat extremists get their way, they will have a federal law on abortion in the eighth and ninth month, and even executing the baby after birth.”

no, fuck no. no one is doing this. don’t make me come over there and explain about palliative care for babies born with untreatable severe defects — because that’s what’s at the heart of this horrible lie.

once again, Shitty Hitler promised to round up and deport brown-skinned people.

“on day one, we will begin the largest domestic deportation operation in American history.”

the ignorant old fool once again demonstrated that he has no idea how NATO works.

“when I came back I said ‘you’re not paying your bills.’ and they look at me and said ‘you mean to tell me,’ because I said, ‘you gotta pay your bills, or we’re not gonna protect you with NATO’ ... and one of the presidents from one of the countries … one of them stood up and said, ‘sir, do you mean to tell me that if I’m attacked in this very big country, if I’m attacked as a country, by RUSSIA, you will not defend me?’ ... I said, ‘if you’re delinquent, I would not protect you.’”

NATO is not a protection racket, you demented mob boss. that’s not how it works. that’s not how any of this works.

NATO doesn’t collect dues. there’s no balance sheet. there’s no “owing the USA” anything. and no big, strong president of a “big country” came up to Trump with tears in his eyes and called him “sir” — any time Donny claims someone called him “sir,” that’s your clue that the whole story is a big fucking ball of it never happened.

so, did our worthless corporate-controlled media report on any of the ignorance, hate speech and out-and-out batshit insanity? no, they did not. what the simpleminded press fixated on was crowd size.

Team Trump claimed a hundred thousand people showed up to hear Dear Leader blither like a fool, and that’s what the media breathlessly and uncritically reported.

as with all things Trump, it was an easily-swatted-down lie — and the media gobbled it up.

Trump’s toadies have been passing around this photo as proof of the adoring throng that came to watch Donny shit out of two orifices at once.

it’s a pretty impressive show of popularity for Trump, except for the part where this is actually a photo of a Rod Stewart concert in Rio that took place thirty years ago.

“Readers added context they thought people might want to know
This is a photo from a Rod Stewart concert almost 30 years ago. ‘On December 31, 1994, Rod Stewart performed at Copacabana Beach in Rio de Janeiro in front of an estimated 3.5 to 4.2 million people.’”

how can you tell when Team Trump is lying? their lips are moving.