the press is just openly trolling us now

for fuck’s sake, stop telling us not to fear a Trump presidency

there’s one very specific thing that Washington Post columnist Kathleen Parker loves to tell her readers: just calm the fuck down, people. everything’s going to be hunky-dory.

yeah. my memory may be a little rusty, but I’m pretty sure that we weren’t fine after 2016, no matter who won.

I mean, Kathleen Parker was probably fine. she no doubt still got invited to the fanciest DC cocktail parties. but the rest of us? not so much, in the fine department.

here’s another beauty from Kathleen Parker’s Calm Down Hall of Fame.

hmm. has anyone seen Roe v. Wade lately? because I’m pretty sure it went somewhere. let’s ask any of the miscarrying women currently bleeding out in emergency room parking lots if they’ve seen Roe anywhere these days.

well, Kathleen’s back — and guess what: she’s changed her tune. she’s done a complete one-eighty. her new election-year message for 2024 is both sides suck, and there’s no one to vote for.

What if they held a presidential election and there was no one to vote for?

I suspect that the undecideds, estimated to be between 3 percent and 13 percent of the electorate, depending on the survey, remain so because they’re searching for a reason to cast their ballot for either Kamala Harris or Donald Trump, neither of whom is sufficiently compelling.

seriously, Kathleen? because I have a suggestion: vote for the candidate who isn’t a fucking fascist. vote for the one who hasn’t promised to chuck you into prison if you write something mean about him.

you don’t care for Kamala’s policies? fine, hold your nose and vote for her anyway. then you can spend the next four years writing your pissy little columns, without fear of imprisonment — and in 2028, you can vote for someone else.

pro tip, Kathleen: “vote for someone else in 2028” isn’t going to be an option if Donny gets in and gets his way.

you have to wonder, is the Washington Post just trolling us now?

George Will can fuck all the way off, because his premise is basically yes, Donald Trump is a fascist felony factory, but Kamala Harris is a — shudder — Democrat. ergo, there’s no one to vote for.

George, I’m going to give you the same advice I gave your colleague Kathleen: vote for the one who isn’t a fascist felony factory — and you can spend the next four years sipping expensive wine while looking down your nose at those shabby Democrats and their grimy little policies.

hey — you’ll never guess who’s picked up the mantle of calm down, everything will be fine that Kathleen Parker abandoned: the Wall Street Journal.

they’ve gazed into their crystal ball and concluded that a second Donny presidency would be a big yawnburger. why? because, in the Journal’s opinion, Donny will be too much of a demented train wreck to get anything done — which, as we all know, is a super fucking awesome reason to vote for anyone.

after all, writes the Journal, just look what happened during Donny’s first presidency.

The authoritarian rule that Democrats and the press predicted never appeared. Mr. Trump was too undisciplined, and his attention span too short, to stay on one message much less stage a coup. America’s checks and balances held, and Democrats benefited from the political backlash.

yes — we know that if elected, Donny will spend all his time goofing off. he’ll be golfing and watching himself on TV and screaming off with their heads every time he hears something he doesn’t like.

that’s not what we’re worried about. in 2016, there was an established bureaucracy to keep Donny’s worst impulses in check. people like John Kelly and Mark Milley would put up the occasional roadblock to keep the worst fuckery to a minimum. even that shitweasel Bill Barr wouldn’t play along with Donny’s let’s steal the 2020 election games.

all that guardrail shit is going fuckity-bye, should Donny regain power. this time, he’s going to make sure his cabinet is made up of toadies and lackies. does the Wall Street Journal imagine that Attorney General Aileen Cannon is going to say but sir, the Constitution when Donny screams arrest Adam Schiff?

Project 2025 is going to gut the civil service and replace it with Trumpy loyalists. for fuck’s sake, they’ve already published a list of the ‘subversives’ who will be the first to get shitcanned.

An organization funded by the conservative Heritage Foundation has compiled an online “watch list” of federal employees it claims cannot be trusted to secure the U.S. border and should be fired, a sign that supporters of Donald Trump’s immigration policies are preparing to help him neutralize the administrative state they believe tried to thwart his first presidency.

The “DHS Bureaucrat Watch List” — a website unveiled in the final weeks of a presidential campaign in which immigration is a key issue — names 51 federal policy experts and high-ranking leaders, the majority of whom are career civil servants at the Department of Homeland Security and other agencies. The group identified them largely using public social media comments, prior work experience and campaign finance records.

this is why we’re not calming down, Wall Street Journal.

the New York Times is definitely trolling us.

[my hand goes up] ooh! ooh! pick me! I know the answer!

it’s because the Times — along with the entire DC press corps — has spent the entire election season sanewashing the shit out of Donny’s demented authoritarian ravings.

the public at large has been so thoroughly bamboozled by the media that they have no clue the 2024 election is basically democracy vs fascism forever.

that’s why the race is this close. that’s why, two days out, we’re all sitting here biting our nails. it’s because The New York Times has abdicated its responsibility to accurately report the news.

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how fucked up is it that a Nazi like Nick Fuentes is more frank than all the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled press?

“at the Trump rallies, they’re yelling ‘trash for Trump, trash for Trump.’ and I saw other people — I saw white guys, I saw Hispanic guys — Hispanic guys inside trash cans, jumping out of them with Trump signs. white guys with garbage bags that say ‘trash for Trump 2024.’ and that was kind of like — to me, that was the moment when I realized Trumpism was a cult. that was the moment when I realized liberals are right.”

of course, Nick Fuentes is human garbage. he’s a literal white supremacist whose real beef is that Donny isn’t Nazi enough. he fell off the Trump Train when Donny snuggled up to Netanyahu.

my fucking god, though — wouldn’t you love it if the national media would at long last call a cult a cult?

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the hero of the day is the camera operator at Donny’s hate-rally last night.

watch as Donny blithers about how packed to the rafters all of his rallies are. as Donny drones on, the camera pulls back to show all the unfilled seats in the half-empty arena, and then zooms in on weary cultists heading for the exits.

excellent work, whoever you are. ten out of ten. no notes.