the polls and the press want you panicked and demoralized. don’t buy into it

meanwhile, Donald Trump’s brain implodes at a bizarre town hall

today, we’re going to talk about polls. but before we do, everybody take a deep fucking breath.

remember “flooding the zone with shit”?

that was one-man leper colony Steve Bannon’s plan for how Trumpism wins. here’s how it works: create information chaos. drown everyone in a sea of misinformation. put out dozens of stories a day, with each new one contradicting the last. confuse the shit out of people to the point where no one has any fucking clue which end is up. eventually, the public will give up, and check out. whatever, just make it stop.

this year, wingnut pollsters have adopted Rotty Steve’s strategy. they’re flooding the zone with shit polls — polls that show Donny is winning, when he’s not.

the goal? to make you give up and stay home on election day.

you’re being gaslighted. don’t you dare fall for it.

right now, there are sixty shit polls being promoted by Republican operatives.

The GOP knows from internal polling that Trump’s in trouble, and that they have to shore him up. That’s why they’re flooding us with partisan polls—60 GOP leaning ones, all paid for by Republicans and dropped into the mix recently, all in the battleground states.

Republicans know that Democrats love nothing more than panicking and running around with their hair on fire at the slightest hint of bad news — and so they’re exploiting that.

don’t expect the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media to explain that you’re being manipulated. they’re playing right along, breathlessly hyping each new poll, and predicting nothing but gloom and doom for Kamala. they crave drama. they need a horse-race.

these fuckwads did this to us in 2022, remember? a red wave is coming, they warned us. it’s going to be a fifty-megaton disaster for the Democrats! they showed us poll after poll that proved their point.

we all know how that worked out.

here’s a graphic that’s been making the rounds. you’ve probably already seen it, so excuse me for being the ten thousandth person to shove in your face.

this is the average of all reputable polls taken over the last two months. remove all the skewed, deliberately-misleading polls and the race hasn’t changed.

yes, it’s still infuriatingly close. it’s fucking maddening that 46.1% of voters are totally fine with a fascist game show host in advanced cognitive decline running the country — but that’s exactly why we have to remain motivated. we can’t stay home in despair.

there are more of us than there are of them.

if we vote, we win.

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meanwhile, at what was alleged to be a town hall last night, Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants’ worm-chewed brain once again went fuckity-bye.

Donny was asked five questions. he gave five meandering, incoherent quote-unquote “answers.”

one question was about the price of groceries. Donny gave an incomprehensible two-and-a-half-minute-long non-answer that pinballed between covid, gang violence, our supposedly “open” border, “black” and “hispanic” jobs, and yes, Hannibal Fucking Lecter.

after Donny’s fourth non-answer, a person in the hot, crowded venue fainted. after the fifth question, a second person fainted. Donny lost his shit.

“would anybody else like to faint? please raise your hand. let’s do it now,” whined Donny, because how dare these peons take the spotlight off Dear Leader. what a fucking child.

it was at that point that the batshit kicked into overdrive. Donny decided on the spot that fuck it, we’re done.

“Let’s not do any more questions. Let’s just listen to music. Let’s make it into a music. Who the hell wants to hear questions, right?” he said.

I shit you not, Donny just stood there and listened to music from his own personal playlist …

… for THIRTY-NINE FUCKING MINUTES.

For 39 minutes, Trump swayed, bopped — sometimes stopping to speak — as he turned the event into almost a living-room listening session of his favorite songs from his self-curated rally playlist.

for thirty-nine minutes, the crowd had no clue how to react. some stared. some sang along. many started to file out of the hall.

finally, Donny reminded everyone to vote on January 5th, and waved goodbye.

what the fuck was that?

did the press sanewash the shit out of it? of course they did. they couldn’t stop talking about the brilliance of it all.

oh, Donny was just improvising. thanks for clearing that up, New York Times. we had no idea that Donny was the John Fucking Coltrane of politics.

mind you, there was no legitimate reason for Donny not to field more questions. there were no technical difficulties. the mics didn’t stop working. the narcoleptic fart factory with no impulse control and the attention span of a coked-up squirrel simply lost interest — and the compliant media patted him on the head, and went what a clever boy. what a brilliant fucking improvisor.

you can easily imagine how the press would react if Kamala Harris decided fuck it, let’s do some tunes in the middle of a town hall.

WHY AREN’T YOU ANSWERING QUESTIONS, KAMALA? WHY AREN’T YOU ANSWERING QUESTIONS?

once again, Donny gets a free pass for behavior that would have instantly ended the career of any other politician.

only the Washington Post had the courage actually point out how bizarre the whole episode was.

it’s time to consign demented dotard Donny to the dustbin of history. stay focused. don’t obsess over every poll, and don’t run around with your hair on fire.

three weeks to go.

remember: if we vote, we win.

folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.