Space Nazi and Mad King are fighting — and MAGA’s freaking the fuck out

when assholes collide

let’s cut right to the chase: this is the part where we throw our heads back in laughter.

anyone with any sense saw this coming a mile away. the first time Mad King Donny and the Space Nazi formed their fucked-up alliance, we knew it was only a matter of time before the whole enterprise went tits-up.

you can’t put two broken-inside man-babies — each of whom believes they hold a divine right to all the money, all the power, and all the attention — in the same room together without creating the kind of atomic chain reaction that culminates in a ginormous smoking crater.

the only question is: what the fuck took so long?

here’s how it all went down. the Space Nazi had been shit-talking Donny’s ‘Big Beautiful Bill’ all week long.

“I’m sorry, but I just can’t stand it anymore. This massive, outrageous, pork-filled Congressional spending bill is a disgusting abomination. Shame on those who voted for it: you know you did wrong. You know it.”

which, by the way, was heartbreaking.

the Space Nazi has his own selfish reason for hating the bill: it would end government subsidies for electric vehicles — the very thing that makes his janky Swastikar business viable.

nonetheless, Elon violated the Prime Directive: there must be no criticism of Dear Leader — and so it was throw-down time!

“he’s upset. remember, he was here for a long time. you saw a man who was very happy when he stood behind the oval desk ... Elon and I had a great relationship. I don’t know if we will anymore.”

“the oval desk.” everything that Donny says makes so much more sense if you imagine it coming out of the mouth of a two-year-old.

“hey Donny, what shape is your desk?”
“oval.”
“good boy Donny.”

here’s another thing the Mad King said during that q-and-a with reporters:

“I would have won Pennsylvania regardless of Elon…I’m very disappointed with Elon.”

and also:

“I don’t know what it is. It’s sort of Trump Derangement Syndrome, I guess they call it. But we have it with others too. They leave and they wake up in the morning and the glamour is gone.”

and with that, it was go time! on with the battle of the paper-thin-skinned egos!

I mean, what’s even the point of having more money than god if you can’t throw a childish tantrum on your own Nazi-bar website?

“Without me, Trump would have lost the election, Dems would control the House and the Republicans would be 51-49 in the Senate.”

that was all Donny needed to launch into one of his favorite kinds of lies: one where he boasts that the person who quit their job, didn’t really quit — because it was actually Donny who shitcanned their unwelcome ass.

“Elon was ‘wearing thin,’ I asked him to leave, I took away his EV Mandate that forced everyone to buy Electric Cars that nobody else wanted (that he knew for months I was going to do!), and he just went CRAZY!”

Donny can’t even lie without slathering another lie right on top of it. there was never any “mandate” that “forced everyone to buy electric cars.” what the fuck is Donny even gibbering about?

that not-tweet was quickly followed up with this beaut.

“The easiest way to save money in our Budget, Billions and Billions of Dollars, is to terminate Elon’s Governmental Subsidies and Contracts. I was always surprised that Biden didn’t do it!”

fuck you, Space Nazi, for making me agree with Mad King Donny — because once again, hearbreaking.

this caused the Space Nazi to threaten to take his bat and ball and spaceships and go home.

“In light of the President’s statement about cancellation of my government contracts, @SpaceX will begin decommissioning its Dragon spacecraft immediately”

(spoiler alert: Elon’s already backed down from this threat.)

then it was time for the Space Nazi to go thermonuclear.

“Time to drop the really big bomb: @realDonaldTrump is in the Epstein files. That is the real reason they have not been made public. Have a nice day, DJT!”

that’s your ‘big bomb,’ Elon? tell us something we don’t already know.

nonetheless, how fucking awesome is it that Elon not-tweeted that to his 220 million followers?

next, Elon endorsed an Ian Miles Cheong not-tweet calling for Donny to be impeached and replaced with Couchfuck McGee.

JD spent the next six full hours running around his house, punching his fist in the air, and going ‘fuck yeah, President Vance,’ before finally, at 10:23pm, calming down enough to pretend to support his for-now boss.

“President Trump has done more than any person in my lifetime to earn the trust of the movement he leads. I’m proud to stand beside him.”

oh, look! Rotting Stevie Three-Shirts is calling for Elon to be deported.

Stephen K. Bannon, who has been one of the most vocal critics of Musk for months, said he is advising the president to cancel all of Musk’s contracts and launch several investigations into the world’s richest man.

“They should initiate a formal investigation of his immigration status because I am of the strong belief that he is an illegal alien, and he should be deported from the country immediately,” he said in a phone interview.

COULD EVERY ONE OF YOU ASS-CLOWNS PLEASE STOP BREAKING MY HEART?

natually, Elon reacted in the most Elon way possible.

let me remind you that these are all fully grown adults.

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now let’s pour one out for MAGA. let’s keep the cultists in our thoughts and prayers as they navigate this difficult moment.

nah, fuck it. let’s just laugh at their confusion and despair over mommy and daddy fighting.

imagine the frayed, sparking wires inside every MAGA head right now as they watch the two dipshits they worship the most tear each other apart.

for Pizzagate Jack Posobiec, it’s just a thrill to watch the most manliest men ever go at it in the most manliest way possible.

“Some of y’all cant handle 2 high agency males going at it and it really shows This is direct communication (phallocentric) vs indirect communication (gynocentric) I understand you aren't used to it”

can’t handle it? bro, we’re overdosing on schadenfreude here. we’re about to deplete America’s Strategic Reserve of Microwave Popcorn.

perennial election-loser and Republican found object Joey Mannarino is another honcho who just can’t believe his good luck in getting to watch the Battle of The Biggest Balls Ever.

“Trump and Elon aren’t attacking one another in a way that won’t be fixed. People forget how men with testicles spar. You’re watching two people with balls the size of the moon debate an issue. This is what masculinity look like.”

jesus, Joey — go take a cold shower.

the cognitive dissonance in the MAGAsphere is off the charts. Dinesh D’ipshit wants so much for all this to just be some kind of ten-dimensional kabuki between Donny and the Space Nazi that somehow ends up with … Democrats in prison?

“Is this some sort of perverse scheme to force the release of the Epstein files? How great it would be to have a horde of bad guys publicly exposed. Then Trump and Elon break out the champagne. Elon says, ‘Told you I could get Democrats to scream for that list.’ Laughter!”

go home, Dinesh, you’re drunk.

and I’m sorry, but what the fuck even is this?

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one immediate result of all this childish fighting is that the Space Nazi lost billions of dollars as shares in his companies plummeted.

Tesla’s shares dropped by about 14.2% on Thursday at market close, wiping roughly $152bn off the value of the company as a feud between Elon Musk and Donald Trump erupted into public view. The former political allies traded threats and insults through posts on their respective social media platforms throughout the afternoon as the company’s price fell.

oh man, you just hate to see it.

ok, I lied. I fucking love to see it.

Elon is just the latest in a long line of arrogant, delusional hubris-monkeys who thought they would be the one who could finally control Donny, and make him dance to their tune. we’ve seen this play out over and over. that shit only works for a short time. sooner or later, it all goes sideways. Donny is too erratic and too literally out of his fucking mind to be corralled.

everything Donny touches, dies.

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let’s give the final word to Gianmarco Soresi, because this not-tweet wins the entire internet, forever.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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