shitwits, nitwits and fuckwits: your Sunday Republican roundup

the stupid, it burns

‘fifty thousand.’

that’s the new Donnyverse talking point: because the Dow is at 50,000, Preznit Fuckwit and his fucked-up gang of fucker-uppers should get a free pass for all their fuckery.

we heard this dumb-ass drivel just other day, from Pam Bondi. Pissy Pam insisted that Donny be excused from any accountability for his thousands of appearances in the Dead Pedo Bestie Files, because the Dow was at fifty large. you’re welcome, Epstein victims.

get ready to never hear the end of ‘the Dow is at 50,000’ — because if there’s one thing that Donny and his flunkies love to do, it’s take a talking point, grab it by the haunches and clownfuck it raw.

sure enough, that’s what Pete Navarro was doing yesterday on Fox News — except Jailbird Pete is such a low-wattage shitwit that he couldn’t get a simple fake fact right.

“it’s the perfect Trump economy in 2026 ... we’re seeing stock market over fifty thousand dollars.”

say what, Pete? how can a so-called ‘economic advisor’ be this fucking dumb?

fact check: the Dow is measured in points, not dollars. the stock market is not just the Dow, and the economy is not the stock market. that the Dow is at 50,000 doesn’t mean shit to anyone trying to buy eggs at their local supermarket.

now look — I understand that fifty thousand seems like an impressively ginormous number, but let’s put it in perspective. of the world’s top ten markets, seven of them outperformed the US in 2025 — by a metric fuckton.

look at that. Canada is stomping the shit out of us, along with Germany, the UK, Switzerland and China.

just try explaining any of that to your drunk MAGA uncle, though. his brain’s been pickled from years of watching snake-oil charlatans like Jailbird Pete spin fever-swamp fairy tales about how awesome Dear Leader’s economy is.

here’s a fun fact: if the entire stock market were really worth only fifty thousand dollars, you could put the whole thing in a sack and hand it to Tom Homan.

and speaking of Tommy Bags-o-Cash, he showed up on Face the Nation to lie straight into our faces.

“when they say ‘stop racial profiling’ — that’s just not occurring. I mean, you know, ICE will detain — briefly detain and question somebody based on reasonable suspicion. it has nothing to do with racial profiling.”

I can’t even imagine what it must be like to be able to lie this shamelessly.

fact check: fuck straight off, Tom.

we’ve all seen the photos and videos of masked ICE thugs hiding in the back of a rented van in some Home Depot parking lot, ambushing any random brown person unlucky enough to wander by.

there was no ‘reasonable suspicion’ behind this gross violation of our Constitution. you can’t ‘reasonably suspect’ someone of violating the law, based solely on their skin color — not unless you’re a fucking racist doing racial profiling.

---

now here’s Homan on Fox, playing a vigorous round of Things That Never Happened The Most™.

Fox bobble-head: “I would just add to that, you also rescued, in the separation, thousands of children.”

Homan: “over thirty-three hundred. you know, the last administration, over half a million children smuggled in this country, released to unvetted sponsors, they lost track of three hundred thousand of them. President Trump has already found a hundred and forty-five thousand of them. in Minnesota alone, over thirty-three hundred missing children we found that the last administration wasn't even looking for."

Tom, are these hundred of thousands of children in the room with us right now?

fact check:

you’ll be shocked to learn that Tom is playing fast and loose with these numbers.

A federal report found more than 320,000 children either failed to appear for their immigration hearings or didn't receive a notice to appear in court. It does not say the children were lost — essentially, they’re unaccounted for.

Immigration experts said it’s not a missing kids problem — it is a missing paperwork problem.

so no, there aren’t a skillionty children who vanished into thin air because smelly old Joe Biden was too busy fiddling with his autopen, and it was only through the heroics of Donny’s masked goons that they were found.

but once again, your Fox-addicted Uncle Picklebrain is too drunk to understand this distinction.

oh, wait — Greedy Tommy has one more thing on his overcooked mind. he’s got a message for Governor Walz and Minneapolis Mayor Frey.

“they ought to be saying ‘thank you.’”

THANK YOU FOR WHAT, THAT ICE ONLY KILLED TWO PEOPLE?

Tom, if we put fifty grand in a sack and handed it to you, would you have the decency to go away?

---

MarkWayne Mullin is what would happen if the expression ‘all hat, no cattle’ became a real boy.

“I know the president is focused on the rule of law.”

fact check: Donny Convict has spent his entire life breaking the rule of law.

I have a question: why does this nitwit keep getting invited onto the Sunday shows? has he ever once had anything intelligent to say?

when MarkWayne Mullin goes on TV, it’s as if all the stupid in that’s backed up in his head all week can’t wait to vomit itself out of his mouth. let’s call it projectile stupidity.

so what the hell?

---

now, let’s not mince words here. Chuck Schumer really and truly needs to shut the fuck up.

“I believe Republicans will have no choice but to go along with us, because it’s so common sense.”

I’m sorry, but Chuck Schumer is useless. he’s absolutely useless. he is, he’s as useless as a marzipan dildo.

could someone tell me what planet Chuck Schumer lives on, and what he’s smoking? because I want to go there and toke on some of that bad-ass weed. I want to be peacefully blissed out in the alternate universe where Republicans pay the slightest fucking bit of attention to common sense.

Chuck Schumer is not who we need leading the Democratic Party. I am so tired of him constantly giving Republicans the benefit of the doubt. when have they ever earned it?

Schumer has been an elected official since 1975. that’s a span of fifty-one years — and at no point during that half-century have Republicans ever been anything but sleazy weasels.

give it up, Chuck. fifty-one years is a good run. it’s time to collect your gold watch and step down.

---

check out this latest bit of AI-slop fan art to circulate the MAGAsphere.

what even the fuck is going on here?

is Dear Leader baptizing Jesus? he is, isn’t he — as two soldiers and a couple of random women stand submerged in a body of water, along with some dude in a feedcap who is apparently growing out of a rock. this is nightmare fuel.

it’s a cult. it’s a fucking cult.

Joe Biden’s voters never did this. at most, we created Dark Brandon memes where Joe had glowing red eyes — and we did it as a goof. we didn’t actually believe that shit.

MAGA really needs to stop imagining that Donny is some peak exemplar of alpha-male health, because fact check:

yeeeeeesh. holy shit.

---

and, finally, Happy Presidents’ Day. except the current one. fuck that guy.

---

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

---

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.