sewer clown smackdown! ICE Barbie and Nosferatu blame each other for Minneapolis mess
and Donny gives another batshit speech
are you ready for some sweet, sweet MAGA-on-MAGA violence?
I sure hope so, because Donny Convict’s merry band of sewer clowns are running around in a panic right now. they screwed the pooch bigtime in Minneapolis, and they know full well that Obergruppenführer Greg Bovino’s isn’t the only head that’s going to roll — and so they’ve all locked themselves down into self-preservation mode. even better, the knives are out and they’re starting to turn on each other.
it’s a glorious fucking sight to behold.
dear lord, yes — let them fight.
Kristi Noem wants to make one thing perfectly clear: she was only following orders.
Noem has complained to others that she feels she’s being hung out to dry over the episode and has made sure to emphasize she took direction from Miller and the president, a source told Axios.
wait a minute — Nosferatu McGoebbels is telling ICE Barbie what do to? since when does the Secretary of Homeland Security take direction from White House Deputy Chief of Staff?
Miller’s power extends to de facto oversight of Noem, though she’s a Cabinet secretary who technically outranks him.
do you need any more proof that Dear Leader is just a demented figurehead who they drag out to make incoherent speeches and sign whatever papers they put in front of him, and that Nosferatu McGoebbels is really running the show?
and this lame-ass excuse that Little Miss Hair Extensions was only following orders — where have we heard that before? oh yeah — at the Nuremberg trials.
now here’s a pro tip for Stephen Miller: if Kristi ever invites you out back to the gravel pit ‘because she has something she wants to show you,’ run as fast as you can in the other direction.
Cricket, am I right? Cricket? Cricket?
Noferatu, for his part, is covering his ass regarding the summary execution of Alex Pretti. he’s all ‘nuh-uh, it’s Homeland Security’s fault.’
Specifically, Miller said, Bovino's crew was supposed to divide its force into two groups: One unit was supposed to handle the arrests of specifically targeted "criminal aliens" and the other squad was in charge of crowd control to keep "disruptors" from interfering.
oh, how convenient. after spending days screeching about how Pretti got what was coming to him, because — according to Miller — he was a ‘domestic terrorist,’ he’s changing his story. now it’s ‘Pretti got gunned down because ICE was doing it wrong.’
fuck off, Nosferatu.
meanwhile, Democrats — along with Republicans Thom Tillis and Lisa Murkowski — have a message for Preznit Fuckwit: fire the puppy perforator, pronto, or we’ll impeach her.
Top House Democrats on Tuesday told Donald Trump to fire Kristi Noem or they would launch impeachment proceedings against the homeland security secretary, in response to the weekend killing of Alex Pretti in Minneapolis, as two Republican senators join calls for her to resign.
here’s the beauty part: House Democrats threw Donny’s own mob-boss language back in his face, closing their statement with ‘we can do this the easy way or the hard way.’
I fucking love that.
more like this, please.
we should probably do a wellness check three-hundred-and-forty-seven-year-old human fossil Chuck Grassley.
“Tried asking Chuck Grassley, the chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, whether it’s appropriate for ICE to enter homes without a judicial warrant. ‘Ask a constitutional lawyer,” he said. ‘I’m a farmer.’”
oh, for fuck’s sake. Chuckers has been a member of the Senate — and chair of its Judiciary Committee — for nearly two hundred and forty-one years, and he’s claiming he has no idea how the Constitution works? he was in the room when the damned thing was being written.
hey, did anyone think ICE would actually restrain themselves in the wake of Obergruppenführer Greg’s shitcanning? me neither.
look at the fuckery they were up to yesterday.
“1/27/2026 - Minneapolis - ICE just attempted an illegal entry into the ECUADORIAN CONSULATE to abduct someone. They did not have a warrant.”
wait a minute. under whose authority are they pulling this shit? is this the work of Tommy ‘Bags-o-Cash’ Homan? fun fact: ICE has no jurisdiction whatsoever to enter a foreign consulate. they can’t just wander in there willy-nilly and do whatever the fuck they want.
Ecuador’s foreign ministry said it lodged a formal diplomatic protest with the United States after a U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent attempted to enter the country’s consulate in Minneapolis without permission on Tuesday morning.
Employees of the consulate stopped the agent from entering, the Ecuadorean foreign ministry said in a statement Tuesday night. Under the Vienna Conventions, to which the United States is a party, foreign consular buildings are off-limits to law enforcement from the host country without authorization from consular officials.
so now ICE is going be starting international incidents, because they’re so horny to deport some hapless day laborer? take a cold fucking shower, you morons.
while we’re on the subject of ‘international incidents,’ can somebody please explain to me why we’re sending masked ICE thugs to Italy? explain it to me like I’m five years old — because this makes no goddamned sense.
U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents will join a security team from the State Department at the Olympics “to vet and mitigate risks from transnational criminal organizations.”
excuse me? ‘risks from transnational criminal organizations’? at the fucking Olympics?
what kind of fever-swamp fairy-tale nonsense is this? I swear, the people running our government are high on their own supply, farting out the most nonsensical reasons for doing anything, and expecting us to buy it. go peddle that shit elsewhere, you dumbfucks, we’re all stocked up.
can you imagine masked, poorly-trained goons running wild in the streets of Milan? Italy can, and they want no part of this fuckery.
Antonio Tajani, Italy’s foreign minister, told reporters that ICE agents would not be allowed to deploy on Italian streets.
oh, and speaking of masked and armed ICE thugs, get ready for the saddest story you’ll ever hear in your life.
Morale is “plummeting” among federal law enforcement officers tasked with carrying out the Trump administration’s aggressive anti-immigration operation, as they complained that long hours, ambitious arrest quotas and hatred from the public, according to reports.
oh boo fucking hoo. dry your fucking eyes. nobody twisted your arms and forced you to become willing participants in deadly fascism. what did you think would happen after you kidnapped children and murdered innocent bystanders in cold blood? that we would throw flowers and give you a standing ovation?
oh please, grow the fuck up. actions have consequences, you crybabies.
the kind staff at the White House Assisted Living Facility allowed Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants to make a day trip to Iowa, so he could have a playdate with some of his cultists. wasn’t that sweet of them to humor a frail old codger?
oh look — Dear Leader is now wearing one glove, to hide his rotting hand.
tell me, who wore it better?
President Pudding Cup’s brain is fried. get ready for the most fucked-up lesson in ‘how a bill becomes a law’ ever.
“China will be sending me a bill very shortly supporting year-round E15 to my desk, and I will sign it without delay.”
holy. fucking. shit. China. is sending. Donny. a bill. to sign. it hurts my brain just to type that out.
hey Donny — is China in the room with us right now?
Donny also met with a bunch of big, strong Iowans yesterday — and you’ll never guess what they were doing while in the hallowed presence of Dear Leader. that’s right, they were blubbering like babies.
“I just left a great group of people from Iowa and half of them were crying as they talked to me. I don't think they're crying because I’m doing a bad job. you know, [unintelligible] cry if you do a bad job. they were crying because I’d done a good job. ‘sir,’ they said ‘sir, you brought our country back.’ crying, crying.”
fact check:
which bring us to our hero of the day: this brave heckler at Donny’s Iowa rally, who kept shouting ‘release the Epstein Files’ — and never stopped shouting it, even as she was being eighty-sixed from the rally.
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
975 / 1064
I chose not to write about the fuckface who sprayed some noxious liquid on Ilhan Omar. try as I might, there's just no humor to be mined from that fuckery
yeah, this one's all over the map. but as the Dude says, 'we're dealing with a lot of shit here.'