Preznit Fuckwit told Iran to “open the fuckin’ Strait” and our shithole press sanewashed it
the real story is that Donny’s brain has left the station
look, it doesn’t matter whether or not America’s Mad King personally authored the words that appeared on his crappy app, ‘open the fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell.’
what matters is he fully endorses those words. he spent much of yesterday telling the press how much he can’t wait to flatten the fuck out of Iran.
what matters even more is that the president of the United States is crazier than a shithouse rat, and the press has no idea what do with this information — and so once again, they’ve defaulted to sanewashing it.
the New York Times fed Donny’s tweet into their patented Scrub-o-Matic 5000™ and here’s the warm-piss twaddle that dribbled out:
oh come on, this shit’s not helping.
really, NY Times? that’s your main takeaway, that Donny ‘seems emboldened’? because if you ask me, I would opine that what Dear Leader ‘seems’ to be is a deranged bugfuck lunatic, and that that might actually be the more important story.
of course, focusing on the wrong shit is kind of the Grey Lady’s whole deal these days.
imagine if, during the 2024 campaign, the Times had devoted as much energy to covering Donny’s deteriorating mental state as they did to trying to figure out if Kamala Harris ever worked at McDonald’s.
if the press had done their jobs, we might not even be having this conversation right now. we might instead be talking about President Harris’s Easter message — which I’m sure you’ll be shocked as fuck to learn was not a deranged threat to incinerate another country.
but of course, that shit’s boring as fuck. who wants to cover some stupid message of peace when you can instead write about a real, live war? imagine all the stuff that’s gonna done get blowed up real good!
and so, the sanewashing continues.
here’s the Washington Post’s essential contribution to the national discourse.
and the AP’s.
and Politico.
you’ll note that not one of these lazy headlines bothers to convey the fact that Dear Leader’s picnic is a few sandwiches short of a fucking brain.
free clue for the media: the main story here is not that Donny threatened Iran. Donny threatens Iran on a daily basis. the story is that Dear Leader is stark barking nuts, unfit for office, growing worse by the day, and through his pig-headed belligerence is likely to commit war crimes and get a shitload of innocent people killed — and if your headline can’t manage to give any sense of that, you haven’t done your job.
and don’t you fucking dare waste our time telling us that the erratic piss-baby in the White House ‘seems emboldened.’ who the fuck cares?
do better.
we definitely need a palate cleanse after that, so let’s all enjoy listening to Jake Tapper reading Donny’s tweet out loud on CNN.
“if your children are watching, be warned — the president did not use polite language. quote: ‘Tuesday will be power plant day, and bridge day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. there will be nothing like it! open the fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell — just watch!’”
how hilarious is it that Jake had to bring his show to a halt in order to slap a parental advisory on it?
to pay for his crime of smearing Joe Biden’s good name, Tapper should be sentenced to read the word ‘fuck’ on the air every day for the rest of his life.
by the way, have you seen one newspaper editorial calling for Donny to resign, or for him to be 25th Amendmented?
I haven’t.
in fact, Donny himself has mentioned the 25th Amendment more times than the press has.
“I can’t say what we’re going to do because if I did, I wouldn’t be sitting here for long. They’d probably — What is it called? the 25th Amendment?”
that was Donny, just ten days ago, on March 26. if he can say it, why can’t the press?
I’m so old, I can remember all the way back to the summer of 2024, when Joe Biden had that one disastrous debate appearance. the entire news ecosystem decided on the spot that Biden needed to resign, immediately, for the good of the country — and they never stopped hounding him about it.
Donny’s brain implodes on a daily basis — and every time it does, the press just grants him another free pass. this ‘open the fuckin’ Strait’ episode is just the latest in an endless series of examples of how Donny’s bugfuckery has been normalized.
it’s infuriating. look at Rep. Becca Balint. she’s about to lose her mind over how inured we’ve become to all of this.
“this is outrageous behavior from this president, and I know that we’ve said it before, on this show and others, that if President Biden or President Obama had said anything remotely like this, it would be nonstop coverage on every single channel and everyone on the other side of the aisle in the House and the Senate would be howling about it and demanding that they step down. that’s the reality.”
as Rep. Balint points out, we’ve said it before — but that’s because it’s never stopped being true.
shouldn’t Donny be called upon to resign immediately — or be 25th Amendmented — for the good of the country? isn’t it painfully obvious by now that he never had the temperament to lead a country, and that he’s only getting worse? hello, media? where the fuck are your howls of outrage, the same ones you gave Joe Biden?
sigh. why did I even bother to ask?
maybe it’s time for another palate cleanse. here’s the Biden family’s Easter dinner.
isn’t it nice to see a normal family doing normal things for a change? no gaudy golf motels, no surgically-altered weirdos, no fugly golden anything.
let’s compare that with how Agolf Shitler spent his day.
let’s zoom in a bit.
holy fuck. never mind. let’s zoom back out. in fact, let’s zoom all the way out — please.
ah. much better.
tell me, somebody, why does Donny need to be threatening Iran to open the fuckin’ Strait in the first place?
one months ago, he told us that the war was ‘very complete’ and that he would be taking over the Strait of Hormuz. just last week, he was telling us it was already open. of course he also told us that it was closed, and that it was up to our allies to open it, and he was washing his hands of the whole matter because the US didn’t even need the Strait.
meanwhile, the raccoons that live inside Donny’s head continue to gnaw through every wire at random. last night, he was up well past midnight, whining about the Supreme Court.
that’s right — if only the Justices would tune into some crackpot wingnut’s hate-radio program in the middle of the night, they might finally understand how the Constitution works.
boo fucking hoo, Donny.
oh great. King Fuckface the First is going to hold a press conference at 1:00 pm today.
lucky us. I can’t wait to experience the mind-numbing incoherence that will no doubt seep out of Dear Leader’s rancid anus-mouth.
will he announce some new imaginary peace negotiation? will he ratchet up the threats? will he take off his diaper and empty it on his head? who can say?
will he finally, at long last, explain how Schrödinger’s Strait of Hormuz can be both open and closed at the same time?
stay tuned. will be wild.
how blessed we are to be living in the shittiest possible timeline.
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
today in Shit That Happened While I Was Busy Writing This Shit—
I don't even know. my phone has been unusually silent this morning. zero notifications. what have I been missing while I was writing?
Some world leader, vulgar and crass
Never will have an iota of class
Endlessly mendacious
Pointlessly loquacious
Threatens the world and fires our brass