Preznit Fuckup now begging allies to help him win war he says he already won. wait, what?
incoherent president wages incoherent war. what could possibly go wrong?
so, how’s King Fuckface the First’s illegal war on Iran going?
don’t ask the Mad King — he lives in a dementia-hazed fever-swamp fantasy world where all things are true at once.
Iran is already defeated but they’re also a grave danger, but also their ability attack us has been TOTALLY OBLITERATED and they can’t touch us at all, but we still need bomb the shit out of them so they will finally stop attacking us. oh, and the Strait of Hormuz is both open and not open. it’s Schrödinger’s Strait!
also: fuck our allies, they’re worthless, we can win this thing all by ourselves, in fact, we already have won it all by ourselves, but also our allies are already helping us, but come on, we really need them to step up, because why the fuck aren’t they helping us?
oh, and everybody has hotdog fingers.
think I’m kidding? look at this dumbfuckery that Donny shat out onto social media.
what the—?
before we even dive into Preznit Fuckwit’s disordered word-dumpster, let’s just say this once more, with feeling: how screwed up is it that we’ve all normalized a bugfuck-nuts president conducting high-level foreign policy via his shitty app? no other country on the planet has a leader who acts like this.
NONE OF THIS IS NORMAL — and yet, this is the world that’s been shoved into all of our faces, whether we like it or not.
okay, let’s have a look at Donny’s not-tweet, where he makes two opposite claims in one sentence.
We have already destroyed 100% of Iran’s Military capability, but it’s easy for them to send a drone or two, drop a mine, or deliver a close range missile somewhere along, or in, this Waterway, no matter how badly defeated they are.
which is it, bro? is Iran 100% militarily defeated, or can they still fuck shit up in the Strait of Hormuz?
PRO TIP: BOTH THINGS CAN’T BE TRUE AT ONCE. NOT UNLESS YOU HAVE HOTDOG FINGERS.
now check out Donny’s other claim.
Many Countries, especially those who are affected by Iran’s attempted closure of the Hormuz Strait, will be sending War Ships … to keep the Strait open and safe.
but then, two sentences later —
Hopefully China, France, Japan, South Korea, the UK, and others, that are affected by this artificial constraint, will send Ships to the area so that the Hormuz Strait will no longer be a threat.
which is it, Donny? are countries sending ‘war ships,’ or are you ‘hopeful’ that this will happen? HOTDOG FINGERS, BRO. HOTDOG FINGERS.
several hours later, Donny shat out another not-tweet, racheting up the panic, as he once again demanded that our allies come help him win the war that he already said he won.
but the Countries of the World that receive Oil through the Hormuz Strait must take care of that passage … This should have always been a team effort.
this should have have been a team effort? what the fuck is Donny gibbering about? Donny started this unprovoked, unnecessary and illegal war by bombing the shit out of Iran in the middle of the night, without any advance warning to any of our allies — and now that he’s fucked up royally, with no easy solution in sight, he says ‘this should have always have been a team effort’?
go fuck yourself, Donny. just two weeks ago, you were telling the UK to eat an entire bag of dicks, because you didn’t need their help.
two weeks later, Donny’s got his own dick shoved all the way into a hornet’s nest, and is now all ‘why won’t anyone help me pull it out?’
and look who he’s asking: the very countries he’s spent the last year bullying, mocking, tormenting with capricious tariffs, and sidelining — and now he’s all ‘hey homies, come do your bestest pal a solid.’
are you fucking kidding me?
let’s go live to Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni’s reaction to being asked to provide naval assistance to the doughy pantload who never stops talking down to her.
France’s response was to basically fart in Donny’s general direction.
no, seriously. check out the reaction of French Response, the official not-twitter account of the French government’s foreign office. they were basically all ‘allez-vous faire foutre.’
maybe instead of alienating everyone, Donny should have worked to maintain positive relationships with the countries who for decades had been our loyal allies.
silly me, what am I talking about? working with other nations isn’t how a Mad King rolls. a Mad King barks out orders and expects everyone to fall in line. give me Canada! give me Venezuela! give me Greenland! give me the Strait of Hormuz! mine! mine! mine!
Donny doesn’t care how, he wants it now!
and now that Donny’s made the whole world loath him, he’s demanding they all pitch in and help him win the dumbfuck war he never should have started. ‘because it should have been team effort from the start.’
can you believe that this is the kind of arrogant dipshittery that seeps out of Donny’s rancid anus-mouth?
you know what my father would have said? ‘demand into one hand, and shit into the other. see which one fills up first.’
we need to be listening to Heather Cox Richardson — because she’s never wrong, and she makes an excellent point in this post on Bluesky.
“His whole life, Trump has always had someone else around to bail him out of the messes he creates: his father, Allen Weisselberg, the ‘adults in the room’ in his first term. Now all those protectors are gone and he is openly begging for someone to save him from his own folly.”
it’s true. Donny has lived a soft, pampered existence in which he’s always been insulated from the consequences of his multiple fuck-ups. he’s been bailed out by his father. Russian oligarchs. bankers. a cowardly and compliant Congress. the Supreme Court, who declared Donny was a Very Special Boy Who Gets To Crime All He Wants. Judge Aileen Fangirl down in Florida, who made the stolen classified documents case go fuckity-bye.
did you know that Donny’s tyrant Klansman father once sent a flunky into one of Donny’s failing Atlantic City casinos to buy $3.35 million worth of chips? the flunky then walked out without using them, basically giving Donny a multi-million dollar gift that couldn’t be touched by creditors.
and now, Donny expects to be bailed out from yet another disastrous fuck-up. only this time, there’s no one willing to help.
boo fucking hoo.
which brings us to our Hero of the Day: Ukraine’s president, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, who saw all this coming a mile away.
it was just a little over a year ago that Zelenskyy sat in the Oval Bordello and tried to warn Donny that someday, he would need the world’s help. did Donny listen? no, he absolutely did not. he told Zel to jam it straight up his patoot.
Zelenskyy: “during the war, everybody has problems, even you. but you have nice ocean and don’t feel it now. but you will feel it in the future. God bless—”
Donny: “you don't know that. you don’t know that. don’t tell us what we’re going to feel. we’re trying to solve a problem. don’t tell us what we’re going to feel.”
Zelenskyy: “I’m not telling you. I am answering these questions.”
Trump: “because you're in no position to dictate that, remember this. YOU’RE IN NO POSITION TO DICTATE WHAT WE’RE GOING TO FEEL. we’re going to feel very good and very strong.”
now it’s thirteen months later, and you’ll never guess who’s begging for Ukraine’s help.
Eleven countries in all, including the United States, European nations and Gulf monarchies, have sought Ukraine’s assistance or advice on shooting down Iranian-made Shahed drones.
Zelenskyy predicted that something like this would happen, and Donny didn’t listen — because nobody tells America’s Mad King what to do.
awesome job, jackass. you did that.
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
spoiler alert: 'allez-vous faire foutre' is French for 'go fuck yourself.'
In his case, it’s not Hot Dog Fingers, it’s Little Smokies Fingers!