Pope Leo has had just about enough of Preznit Fuckwit’s shit

truth and light vs darkness and filth

Pope Leo is exactly what We the People needed right now: a hero.

let’s talk about meeting the moment. at a time when everything fucking sucks, and so many of our institutions have failed us — the government, the media, the universities — and at a time when Donny and his handlers have been tying to co-opt religion for their own indecent and immoral purposes, here comes Pope South-Side Bob from Chicago to say ‘not so fast, fuckfaces.’

“Jesus told us, blessed are the peacemakers. but woe to those who manipulate religion and the very name of God for their own military, economic, or political gain, dragging that which is sacred into darkness and filth. yes, my dear sisters and brothers, you who hunger and thirst for justice, who are poor, merciful, meek, and pure of heart — you who have wept. you are the light of the world.”

fuck yeah.

‘darkness and filth’ — if there are two words that better describe the malignant toad in the Oval Bordello, I couldn’t tell you what they are. Preznit Fuckwit shits over everything we hold dear, and leaves a slimy snail-trail of stench and corruption in his wake.

and now, he and his piss-drunk Christofascist Secretary of Death are desperately trying to frame their unprovoked, unnecessary and illegal don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war on Iran — one that was waged for no clear reason at all — as some kind of deity-endorsed holy battle for Armageddon.

but wait — into the breach comes the Pope, the hero we need at the exact moment we need him, to say ‘fuck that shit and fuck it hard. don’t you fucking dare bring God into this.’

oh, and in case you need Pope Leo’s flowery language simplified, here you go: Dear Leader is not the messiah, he’s a very naughty boy. now go away.

going to war against the Pope was just as bone-crushingly moronic as going to war against Iran. in both cases, there was never any plan B — because these overconfident shitwits always act first and think never.

in fighting Iran, there was never a thought of ‘well, what if they don’t surrender after two hours of bombing?’ — and in fighting the Pope, there was never a thought of ‘what if he tells us to go fuck ourselves?’

once again, Donny is his own worst enemy — because, as always, none of this had to happen. Donny could have simply brushed off the Pope’s criticism of his clusterfuck in Iran, said nothing about it, and we wouldn’t even be having this conversation right now.

but Donny can’t ever simply brush off anyone who says anything mean about him. and now, because he chose to blunder in a fight with the religious leader of the world’s 1.4 billion Catholics — someone who happens to be a thousand times smarter and more articulate than he is — he’s once again shown himself to be a unhinged, grudge-fueled diaper-baby.

congratulations, dumb-ass. you’ve created a folk hero, admired even by people like myself who are in no way religious. now I’m all Team Pope, whereas two weeks ago I couldn’t have even told you his name.

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and now, because Donny is flailing in his don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war with the Pope, it’s up to surrogates and operatives like Fox News’ own Plankhead of the Airwaves to fight his battles for him.

Sean Hannity: “but right on cue, Pope Leo XIV is now seemingly more interested in spreading left-wing politics than the actual teachings of Jesus Christ… why is the pope twisting religion to specifically attack only President Trump and the US? why did he recently meet with top Obama advisor David Axelrod and the far-left governor of Illinois, J.B. Pritzker? is it because he’s a run-of-the mill Trump-hating Democrat that lacks moral clarity about radical Islam?”

do you think Plankhead realizes the message he’s promoting here is that ‘if you’re for peace, you must be a Democrat’?

has Hannity ever cracked open a Bible? for fuck’s sake, Jesus is literally referred to as the ‘Prince of Peace.’

Jesus is primarily called the “Prince of Peace” in Isaiah 9:6. This famous Old Testament prophecy describes the coming Messiah, stating: “And his name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

and let’s not forget the Sermon on the Mount. ‘blessed are the peacemakers,’ remember that? there’s no line about ‘blessed are the propaganda-spewing Fox News dipshits whose continued employment depends on slobbering over Dear Leader’s ass, no matter how fuckbrained and unpopular his policies are.’

now, I will note that some Biblical scholars insist that Jesus was actually referring to cheesemakers.

peacemakers, cheesemakers, whatever. my point still stands.

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there’s also no line in the Sermon about ‘blessed are the piss-drunk warmongers whose heads are so far up their own asses that they have no idea how deranged they sound.’

“our press are just like these Pharisees. your politically motivated animus for President Trump nearly completely blinds you from the brilliance of our American warriors.”

whoa, slow down there, drunkie. the press are like what?

who even talks like this? when Piss-Drunk Pete open his gin-soaked yap about how magnificently magnificent his warfighting warfighters are, it’s like all of his Christofascist tattoos became a real boy.

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there’s also nothing in the Sermon on the Mount about ‘blessed are the reality-denying imbeciles.’

reporter: “how much longer will Americans continue to see these high gas prices?”

Donny: “well, they're not very high…”

reporter: “they’re $4 a gallon.”

Donny: “that’s what ABC says.”

once again, Donny is his own worst enemy. this idiot’s poll numbers are cratering right now over sky-high gas prices, and he’s dragging the entire Republican party down with him — and his brilliant plan is to shove his big fat head in the sand and pretend it’s not happening.

keep on keeping on there, buddy. let us know how this bold strategy pays off for you in the midterms.

oh my god, Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants so fucking dumb, it’s painful to watch.

“millions of American small businesses, including restaurants, dry cleaners, corner stores. what is a corner store? I’ve never heard that term. I know what a corner store is but I’ve never heard it described— a corner store. who the hell wrote that?“

you know what a corner store is, you brain-dead asshole. it’s where you go to buy corners.

say it with me one more time: Donny is his own worst enemy.

when Donny is flummoxed by a common phrase like ‘corner store,’ he outs himself as an out-of-touch, pampered rich twit who’s never done his own shopping, not even once in his entire soft, coddled life.

you know, the kind of arrogant fuckface who has no idea what the price of gas is, and claims that ABC News is just making shit up when they say it’s $4 a gallon.

and because Donny never prepares in advance, we get to watch in real-time, on live TV, his mystified reaction to encounting a pair of words that anyone who has every had to actually work for a living knows full well what they mean.

it would have been the perfect moment for some reporter to have finally won my What The Fuck Is Wrong With You Challenge™, which is now in its 2,208th day.

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I want to end today’s post with something that has nothing at all to do with our fucked-up current events. it’s okay, I get to make the rules around here.

April 14 was the 68th birthday of the great Scottish actor Peter Capaldi. even if you’ve never heard the name, you know him as the guy in the fuckity-bye gif.

anyhoo, in honor Peter Capaldi’s birthday, I want you to watch this clip from the British TV show The Thick of It, in which Capaldi’s character, Malcolm Tucker, gives the all-time greatest description of Star Wars.

Peter Capaldi as Malcolm Tucker: “what’s that film that you love?”

Chris Addison as Oliver Reeder: “what film?”

Tucker: “the one about the fucking hairdresser — the space hairdresser and the cowboy. the guy, he’s got a tin-foil pal and a pedal bin. his father’s a robot and he’s fucking fucked his sister. LEGO — they’re all made of fuckin’ LEGO.”

Reeder: “Star Wars.”

Tucker: “that’s the one, right. it’s like that. we’re gonna fucking kill all the bad guys, and we’ll be able to blow up the big—”

Reeder: “Death Star.”

Tucker: “the Death Star thing. then you can go live happily ever after on the planet where the teddy bears are.”

Reeder: “they’re Ewoks. it’s a fantastic analogy. well done.”

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.