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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

fun fact: the first-draft headline for this piece was 'onward christian morons, marching off to war' — I love it, but as the day progressed, that head became less and less relevant

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Wendy🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🌈's avatar

See, when you read this and then compare it to what Republicans do , Historically, with fuckwads like Trump do this kind of thing, it puts it all into context.

https://thistleandmoss.com/p/gop-fucktards-what-happens-when-the

As always uncle Jeff, fight the good fight, Liked, restacked, quoted, and cross-posted to our readers.

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Lisa59's avatar

I stopped at a everything from the 60's estate sale. I bought a pile of Look and The Post magazines. As I'm reading them I was shaking my head. We don't fucking change. Same shit, different day. Old ass malignant narcissist psychopaths run the world. Their fucking bruised egos destroy lives without a thought.

Our Gestapo government, along with the Gestapo Supreme Court Justices want to rip this country apart. King Shitpants is the tool in their toolbox to get it done. We are so fucked!

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Terri Nighswonger's avatar

Justices- sold out for a camper ….🥵

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arne link's avatar

And a fishing trip.

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Linda Weide's avatar

InJustices prove the US is run by Nazis as they give the go ahead to send people to death camps in El Salvador and South Sudan. When can we have a Nuremberg trials. My friend says this is T4. https://www.britannica.com/event/T4-Program

I think it is more like the Final Solution. https://encyclopedia.ushmm.org/content/en/article/deportations-to-killing-centers

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Linda Weide's avatar

Yes. It is all Un-fucking-believable, and Jeff gets the tone just right.

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rlritt's avatar
12hEdited

I can see rounding up illegal immigrants and sending them home. When I was in my teens I worked in a restaurant in Chicago, and several times the Mexican kitchen workers would be marched off and sent back Mexico, only to return in a month. But no one sent them to El Salvador.

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Linda Weide's avatar

Or South Sudan, to death camps.

https://www.britannica.com/event/T4-Program

https://encyclopedia.ushmm.org/content/en/article/deportations-to-killing-centers

I also worked in restaurants in Chicago in my teens. No ICE came to Hyde Park that I know of. However, I know that the cook in our of the restaurants was from Haiti. I guess there were Mexicans too, but I did not hear about ICE. Perhaps someone was paying to keep them out.

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rlritt's avatar

The Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS) was the Dept Justice who was responsible for illegal aliens.

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spoonbridgecherry's avatar

A good one to save for later.

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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

that's what I was thinking

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mary's avatar

I'm thinking you should do a morning and evening edition!

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Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

This is why I'm not following any news about this and just reading this newsletter. It's the only worthwhile one. "Mainstream" "news" outlets are so befuddled they're sounded as confused as Trump.

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Lois Henry's avatar

The evening one just covering the changes since morning?

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Terri Nighswonger's avatar

Yes!! 🤩

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Jason Orcamoon's avatar

I fully expect to see a video like this one with the kids in Brown Shirts and masks if MAGA prevails:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P83DMziX1gA&list=RDP83DMziX1gA&start_radio=1

Cedarmont Kids - Onward Christian Soldiers

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Jon Notabot's avatar

It's still relevant in the slightly larger picture

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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

programming note: as you know, I usually transcribe the text of the not-tweets I put in my posts. I didn't this time because the damned piece would have been over three thousand words

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Gina's avatar

good - saved me from my usual annoying habit of reading them twice reading them twice

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EtTuBrutex's avatar

I saw what you did there, Gina.

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Deb Martina's avatar

Thank you for not transcribing what fuckwad said. It's absolute nonsense. The fact that you have compiled the shit spewing is enough.

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Adrianne Martin's avatar

The transcription is much appreciated in general! But, yeah, an extra amount of wordy nonsense this time.

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P123Sunny's avatar

They are starting to need ‘expanding’… 😂😅

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Robert Eckert's avatar

It's OK, we can read the not-tweets. It's when you have a video clip of Anusmouth or one of his chucklefuck spokesthings that I really appreciate a transcript rather than having to listen.

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Debbie  Mitchell's avatar

Is there a limit in Substack rules?

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James W Marvin's avatar

I figured but I like when you write down the not tweets.

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Dokuro no Hatako's avatar

I do appreciate it when you do, though, Jeff. I’ll take whatever mediation I can get.

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RandomHuman's avatar

Name for a person who creates an emergency so that they can be the first on the scene. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hero_syndrome (Who bombs a country then calls it peace and asks for a Nobel Peace prize?) Thank you for your attention to this matter.

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FTrump And FPutin Too's avatar

An arsonist who is also a firefighter.

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Jan Moon's avatar

Hero Syndrome! Good one. I looked for shit-for-brains name in the text but didn't find it. Maybe in the updated version it will be there right next to the title: HERO SYNDROME/PRESIDENT DUMBFUCK

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Doreen Garza's avatar

I like shit for brains 😂

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Lynn Van Haren's avatar

Orwellian doublespeak

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P123Sunny's avatar

so so tired

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HI2thDoc's avatar

When will the MSM learn? Yesterday they had chyrons saying donnie dumpload proclaimed a ceasefire was in effect. Shit, haven't they learned? He said he was in talks with China about the tariffs and China refuted that lie, too. Just because he says it does not mean anything. Braggadocio is not fact, FFS.

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Runfastandwin's avatar

They know, they are just complicit.

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Fucking quislings, actively destroying our republic.

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Susan Burgess's avatar

I never liked the word quisling. It sounds so harmless and benign, happy even. Not at all like what that word means.

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arne link's avatar

That word always made me think of a baby goose. No idea why.

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Susan Burgess's avatar

Ha ha :D --Yes, baby geese with lots of questions?

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HI2thDoc's avatar

It is a benign sounding word, to be sure. Too bad the guy named that is the prime example of a spineless traitor, so much so that his name is synonymous with treasonous sell outs.

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Rosemary Orlandi's avatar

weren't the Quislings part of the Kingdom of Oz ?

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Burke's avatar

News headlines (outside the US) now commonly start with “Liar Trump…”

Is this his new nickname?

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Burke's avatar

Or maybe it's just an obviously accurate adjective. Either way, the world press isn't pulling punches. Just telling it like it is.

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Kate's avatar

Said the same shit about North fucking Korea during his first term…they can rot!

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Rick Calegari's avatar

With this clueless lunatic, it never will be. As he sits on his dead ass waiting for Fox News and Stephen Miller to tell him what to do next, it'll be more of the same. His bullshit and lies especially in a crisis of this magnitude, won't lead to a solution or anything good.

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SethTriggs's avatar

Whatever wins the moment; the access-based gossip columnist "journalists" won't actually press on it.

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Kate's avatar

Yellow fucking journalism, all day every day.

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Douglas's avatar

D is a guy who has told 40,000 lies....and the MSM still treats his word as gospel. The media is a TRUmpf following cult also....

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James Starr's avatar

they really are.... all of them...except Rachel Maddow and Lawrence O'Donnell and Terry Moran...even my beloved Lester Holt is following maga marching orders... Im not sure , though, how much more he can stand.

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P123Sunny's avatar

Even temporary kudos have value… not everyone gets the retraction… :/

🚨 Sen. Lisa Murkowski says there are certain situations in which she'd consider becoming an independent and caucusing with Democrats.

"There is some openness to exploring something different than the status quo."

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HI2thDoc's avatar

I'll believe her if she actually does it

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P123Sunny's avatar

👍

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rlritt's avatar

She's probably looking at losing her seat.

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Anne's avatar

they need to go back to getting at least two sources... and, I dunno, maybe asking China re trade and Iran/Israel re cease fire?

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rlritt's avatar

I guess they have to say something and they probably think it's not their fault he's lying. Then they can have another show where they talk about him lying.

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Bezos and whatsherplasticfaceandbody are a match made in heaven. She's a plastic surgery addict and he has a lotta money and apparently impaired vision.

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Carol C's avatar

That was the most wonderful banner laid down in the square. Whoever paid for it, I thank you!

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Wendymae's avatar

48 million for a wedding is absolutely obscene.

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Gina's avatar

the divorce will likely cost even more

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Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

At least his ex-wife MacKenzie Scott, who appears to have had no or minimal plastic surgery and is still very attractive, is giving gobs of money away to worthy causes.

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Dave Drell's avatar

She is a billionaire HERO! She is a saint- just ask many of the organizations she has helped. Too bad most billionaires are not on her level of GIVING.

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T L Mills's avatar

yep...he tossed the gold and picked up the pyrite. Now Bezos is the fool.

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arne link's avatar

She was really beautiful in a clean and normal way.

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SeekingReason's avatar

😀👍🏼

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SeekingReason's avatar

People in the U.S. are without housing, health care, ability to afford higher education etc. And we allow two weird looking billionaires to waste this obscene level of money as if they deserve it?

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Jan Moon's avatar

That's more than the non-parade. wonder if it gathered a non-crowd.

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Yes, we appreciate them saying it. Maybe there will be more, with a more pointed and insulting message

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Dave Drell's avatar

She (Sanchez) looks like she should be in one of Drumpfs cabinet positions.

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Deborah Hunter's avatar

Looks like the freak show that is called Kim Guilfoyle. He's unattractive, but she looks like something that stands on a street corner and has had wayyyy too much plastic surgery. Says much about him that he likes a woman that looks like that. All that money and absolutely no class.

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arne link's avatar

Sorry, she's not blond nor blue eyed.

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Carol C's avatar

Bleached blond hair would do it. Brown eyes not a deal breaker.

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Gina's avatar

and there's always coloured lenses

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T L Mills's avatar

Neither was Guilfoyle...neither is Noem. Although, Noem is blue eyed.

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T L Mills's avatar

She looks like one of those weird-looking, trout pouting women who habitually hang out at Mar-A-Lardo

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Kay's avatar

Give it until the honeymoon is over.

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Ann Anderson's avatar

Her vision is clouded by the enormous pile of cash she's marrying, cuz Jeff is one fugly dude.

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Maui Wahine's avatar

The fiance has Mar A Lago face. Maybe Bezos had to agree to that with Trump.

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HI2thDoc's avatar

And the pneumatic chest. I guess when the Mar a Lardos go boating they don’t need life jackets

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Douglas's avatar

Life jackets....😅🤣

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Hollie Rood's avatar

😂😂😂😂

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Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

She definitely has Kimberly Guilfoyle/Kristi Noem vibes.

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Sharon Hudnall's avatar

Bezo's former wife, MacKenzie Scott, will be remembered for the largesse of her philanthropy to improve the world. Jeff will be remembered for plastering his blue dick on cardboard boxes.

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Cathy 98280's avatar

And Mackenzie is a certifiable beautiful woman - none of those ugly duck lips and very special kidney surgeries for her! (Lookin’ at YOU, Melania!)

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HI2thDoc's avatar

And for being a trump suckup and a terrible employer to work for

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Carol C's avatar

Now that you mention it. . The Amazon logo is supposedly a speeding arrow, but I’m not convinced.

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Sharon Hudnall's avatar

Looks a bit rubbery to me. A bent dick.

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Brenda Doherty's avatar

If she has any more breast augmentation, she’ll topple over.

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Bob Bowden's avatar

Since there’s no way we’re about to colonize Mars, Elon can lift a big plastic vagina into low Earth orbit so Bezos can use his Penis Rocket to dock with it and explode one second later in the sky above our next military parade!

- DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Oh. For a moment there, when I read big plastic vagina I thought you were referring to Elon

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Mary Hall's avatar

You guys are L to the O to the L!!!

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arne link's avatar

Well, he does have that lazy eye...

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Mary Hall's avatar

And a really weird laugh.

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SeekingReason's avatar

Fingernails on a chalkboard laugh!

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Dave Drell's avatar

If he offered you 10 million , would you shack up with him? 🤔

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Gina's avatar

yeah - how come he hasn't done a bit o' surgery - certainly can afford

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Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

She's starting to look like that catwoman person. Do people actually think this is attractive?

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T L Mills's avatar

Yeah, Sanchez seems to adore displaying those Dupont melons and her face has had so much plastic surgery...it really is starting to show. Bezos is clearly in love with a soon-to-be bot.

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SeekingReason's avatar

Considering his looks…they’re about right for each other.

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Douglas's avatar

She's got impressive breasts....rich guys love their racks huh???

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Store bought

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Gary D's avatar

"Plastic inflatable girlfriend." Came close to vaporizing a mouthful of coffee on my monitor. That's why I subscribe.

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Dana Jae Labrecque's avatar

I love that one too. I laughed out loud at the airport, and folks looked at me.

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P123Sunny's avatar

*another satisfied customer

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Hollie Rood's avatar

Yup🤣🤣🤣Been there done that so many times I’ve lost count !

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Will Gerard's avatar

And let's see, the supposed objective was to prevent Iran from building nuclear weapons, and I'm guessing Iran is now more determined than ever to build nuclear weapons.

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Lady Emsworth's avatar

It's like "I kept a gun in my basement, I never used it. Then my asshole of a neighbor broke in and smashed it up. So now I have TWO guns - the neighbor doesn't know where they are, and I'm mad enough to us them. . ."

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

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Lisa's avatar

Exactly! As if Iran didn't hate America enough.....

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T L Mills's avatar

and i have to say, they have decades of reasons to hate us.

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Diana Hembree's avatar

Yes, especially for staging a coup and toppling the progressive government of Iran’s democratically elected prime minister Mohammad Mossadegh in 1953 because he wanted to nationalize Iran's oil fields. The CIA's released records trace how the agency helped install the Shah, who proved corrupt and authoritarian, with the dreaded SAVAK as his secret police. Then the Shah was overthrown, and with the vacuum in democratic leadership thanks to our CIA, we know what happened after that. Although the government has made college available to everyone, and women in Iran now have more PhDs per capita than women here (74% in STEM fields compared to 53% in the US).

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Gina's avatar

well, that's human nature (and no one could have predicted, because THAT's not in human nature)

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P123Sunny's avatar

“you know, a lot of things in this world have never happened, and here’s something that never happened the most…”

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

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arne link's avatar

That was a really brilliant phrase. This kind of thing is why we follow Jeff.

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P123Sunny's avatar

💯‼️

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Mary Hall's avatar

Two things:

"Keep my name out of your filthy fking mouth T💩p!" -- God

The future Mrs. Bezos looks like she was purchased on Temu.

Thank you for your attention to these matters.

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Hollie Rood's avatar

Hope he got her before any large tariffs were implemented

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arne link's avatar

Does he actually write this stuff? IDK. There are some big words in there. Donnie doesn't have big words. Thank you, Jeff, for your attention to this matter.

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Mary Hall's avatar

Also too, the punctuation was correct, which makes me suspicious.

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

No way Shitler wrote that.

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Kay's avatar

Since he tweets at all hours of the early morning I am guessing he has a chief tweeter nuzzled in bed with him to tweet perfectly, like no one ever has before, whenever he gets the urge to fart out the next lie. That would explain Melinia’s absence.

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Chet Brandt's avatar

I personally think that melania hasn’t slept with him for years.

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Dokuro no Hatako's avatar

It pains me to say that he generally has a handle on adverbs; perhaps a well- and oft-applied switch?

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T L Mills's avatar

yeah, but the crazy is peeking out all over those stupid tweets.

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MzNicky in East Jesus, TN's avatar

The one about Medvedev has that familiar Stephen Miller stench all over it.

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Sharon Hudnall's avatar

So much "God-love," "God bless," "I love me some God" in these messages, it has to be Kegstand or some other twat.

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Lisa K. Obrien's avatar

I think that specific non-tweet was written by (or inspired by) the Faith minister/witch/prophet in the White House. Donny got word that when there is peace in the Middle East, the rapture will commence. So, that was a shout-out to all his MAGA Christo-fascists. Look at me! The dream maker! Now where’s that Nobel?

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SethTriggs's avatar

Everything in this shitshow should really just defang even the entire notion of impostor syndrome. No matter what you screw up in life, you'll never screw up THIS much.

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P123Sunny's avatar

🏆

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Kay-El's avatar

Pay no attention to that fucking dolt hiding behind the American flag. Pay attention to the independent journalists who are actually reporting facts.

I’m starting a pool on how long Bozo’s marriage will last. Mad props to Venice.

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arne link's avatar

Oh, she'll hold on. The money, you know?

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Kay-El's avatar

Ah, but will he? I’m sure there’s a prenup and once that plastic starts disintegrating…..

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T L Mills's avatar

He who cheats once...will cheat again. And since Bezos is such an entitled ass, he very likely will.

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shee-rah's avatar

She won’t care when those alimony checks roll in.

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

Key words, “independent journalists.”

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Eva Porter's avatar

Remember when Obama took out Bin Laden while attending a party and no one knew until AFTER the guy was dead?

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Ellen McKenzie's avatar

I don’t think this is true. Am I wrong?

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KO in LA's avatar

Israel just wanted his bombs and they got ‘em so they can ignore him now.

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Stephen Brady's avatar

The Bezoid’s rubber woman only seems to have one facial expression… tRump is over-the-top delusional. They need to start adulterating his Adderall.

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DJ Headthrob's avatar

Boy, Orange Jabba is REALLY jonesing for that Nobel. And hey, HE'S WATCHING! If your "eccentric" uncle posted shit like that you'd call for the guys with the giggle-jacket. Fifty . . . no twenty years from now historians will agree that a genuine mental deviant was running the country and NO ONE WOULD LIFT A FINGER TO STOP HIM. Well, Chuckles Schumer DID write a strongly-worded letter. And Kossovo?!? Did you broker that peace while taking a spin on the Lolita Express? Seriously, friends, are there no safeguards when the Chief Executive has clearly lost his mind?

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SeekingReason's avatar

DJ Headthrob, The Schumer letter mentioned the “attempted assassination” as if that wasn’t planned. The magical ear that was hit by a bullet, healing WITHOUT a scar..on and on.

Schumer truly needs to get off the stage.

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DJ Headthrob's avatar

Yeah, the whole thing just smelled bad. And resulted in the death of an innocent man as well.

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Douglas's avatar

Love your reference to impotent Chuckles 😃....tho I think he's on Ds side....ever notice on any major decision he comes down on the right wing side now??

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