maybe he’s just a fucking idiot after all

so much for the Art of the Deal

so, Mad King Donny got to do his one-day victory lap.

after he announced a (temporary) pause to (some of) his tariffs, the markets soared, insider traders insider-traded the shit out of the jump, and Donny pranced about while the cultists threw flowers and hailed him as a liberator.

then yesterday, everything got flushed right back down the shitter — because the markets woke up from their fever dream and suddenly remembered about the part where Dear Leader is an erratic fucking idiot — and we’re still in an unwinnable trade war.

With uncertainty remaining about what comes next on tariffs and how the trade measures will affect the economy, markets came under renewed pressure Thursday. Markets have been extraordinarily volatile since Trump announced his wide-ranging tariff plan on April 2.

markets fucking loathe uncertainty — and the president of the United States is an erratic cretin who can’t be depended on to make rational decisions. no one has any clue what Mad King Donny will do next. maybe he’ll raise tariffs. maybe he’ll lower them. maybe he’ll tariff the orca tank at SeaWorld.

in fact, the financial sector is beginning to wonder if President Derp might have finally lost his few remaining marbles. here’s an extremely reassuring headline.

gee, d’a think?

“In the last few days, we have had many conversations with macro fund managers,” Tom Lee, the head of research at the financial analysis firm FSInsights, wrote on Wednesday morning, before Trump backed down from most of his tariffs on U.S. trading partners.

“And their concern is that the White House is not acting rationally, but rather on ideology. And some even fear that this may not even be ideology,” he added. “A few have quietly wondered if the President might be insane.”

look, not to defend Donny or anything, but if you had feral raccoons living in your head, running around and indiscriminately chewing on the wires, you couldn’t make rational decisions either.

meanwhile, even Fox News is failing to get a straight answer out of the Sewer Clowns regarding these “75 countries” who are alleged to be falling all the fuck over each other in a mad dash to cut new trade deals with the US.

let’s watch energy vampire Colin Robinson economic advisor Kevin Hassett flash his dipshit grin as he teaches a master class in the Art of Lying About Having Made A Deal.

Fox: “Kevin, what about the deals? we want to see deals. we want to see win after win after win. we want to see countries coming into the White House and signing deals. when will that happen — and which countries?”

Hassett: “yeah well, I’m not going to name the countries yet.”

come on, Kev — throw us a frickin’ bone here. can you just name one county? what about Penguin Island? I’ll bet those flightless fucks are desperate to cut a deal, and Make Krill Affordable Again. certainly those 18 meteorologists on Jan Mayan Island in the Arctic would love to come down to Washington — where it’s a lot warmer — and sign on the dotted line.

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the New York Times is cordially invited to fuck all the way off.

the Times’ premise here is we wanted to find out if completely incoherent trade policies might be a good thing, so we talked to the head of a far-right think tank.

it’s an exercise so ludicrous that you could have mistaken it for the New York Times Pitchbot parody account.

can the New York Times please stop doing this? we don’t want to understand these people — we want them to get out of our faces and stop fucking with our future.

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here’s something that’s not at all terrifying. this is an actual image that those constitution-loving madcaps at ICE posted to their official not-twitter account.

I’m sorry, what? ICE is going to stop illegal “ideas” from crossing the border? how is an idea “illegal”? don’t we have a First Amendment that protects free speech? I mean, at least for now we still have one — I think.

ICE claims it was all an innocent mistake, no harm, no foul.

U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) quickly deleted a social media post Thursday that claimed that its mission is not just to keep out illegal immigrants, money, and products, but “ideas” as well.

The Department of Homeland Security told Newsweek the post was made in error.

“That post was sent without proper approval and should not have been shared,” Tricia McLaughlin, assistant secretary for public affairs, said in a statement.

oh, and speaking of “innocent mistakes” made by ICE …

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hey! due process and the constitution won a rare victory at the Supreme Court!

Donny’s ICE goons made a bit of an oopsie! last month when they “accidentally” plucked an innocent man off the streets and disappeared him into that Salvadoran slave-labor gulag. look, anyone can make a mistake.

boy, were the DOJ’s faces red when they had to admit to a judge that their target had committed no crime, and in fact was a legal resident, but hey, shit happens, what do expect us to do about it?

when that lower court was all what the fuck? bring him home pronto, Donny went running to his SCOTUS besties for a Get Out Of Respecting The Constitution Free card.

to the surprise of everyone, they didn’t give him one.

The US Supreme Court has instructed the Trump administration to facilitate the return of a Maryland man who was mistakenly deported to a mega-jail in El Salvador.

The Trump administration has conceded that Kilmar Abrego Garcia was deported due to an “administrative error,” but appealed against a district court’s order to “facilitate and effectuate” his return to the US.

On Thursday, in a 9-0 ruling, Supreme Court judges declined to block the lower court's order.

holy fuckballs, the ruling was unanimous. imagine taking such a huge dump all over the constitution that even Fishin’ Trip Sammy, Luxury Vacation Clarence and Nihilist Neal think you’ve gone too far.

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here’s your daily dose of Space Nazi ridicule.

it turns out that the Sewer Clowns think Elon is every bit as annoying as the rest of us do.

“I have been in the same room with Elon, and he always tries to be funny. And he’s not funny. Like, at all,” a senior Trump administration official told Rolling Stone. “He makes these jokes and little asides and smiles and then looks almost hurt if you don’t lap up his humor. I keep using the word ‘annoying’; a lot of people who have to deal with him do.”

everybody hates you and no one thinks you’re funny, Elon. let that sink in.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.