Kamala’s successful convention has broken the media’s brain

boo fucking hoo, you sad losers

the Democratic National Convention was a roaring success. Dems are riding high. they’re raising all the money. Kamala and Tim are rockstars right now. they’re crossing the country and speaking to ecstatic crowds in one packed arena after another.

meanwhile, the wheels are continuing to come off elderly golfer Donny Convict’s moribund campaign. his panicked advisors are begging him to be less of a crazypants and to try to stay on message. keep dreaming, Team Trump.

Donny’s running mate, Couchfuck McGee, is a repellent misogynist who can’t manage to fake one genuine human emotion. and now Bobby Brainworms Junior has thrown his support to Donny — and Couchfuck has to be eyeing Bobby nervously.

with all this going on, the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media have an important message they want to share with the Dems: what are you doing, being happy? don’t you realize how fucked you are?

what is wrong with you, Kamala? don’t you know that joy is not a strategy?

listen up, Kamala, tut-tuts the Times, you can’t go around being happy. there’s more to a campaign than feeling good.

no shit, Sherlock. here’s a news flash for you: the Harris-Walz campaign can walk and chew gum at the same time. Kamala and Tim aren’t just making happytime speeches in packed arenas. they’ve got a ground game. tens of thousands of volunteers are knocking on doors and registering new voters. hundreds of lawyers are already at work, gearing up to counter the inevitable post-election Republican fuckery.

down near the bottom of the piece, we get to the Times’ real issue.

She hasn’t given a single interview or news conference to face hard questions.

aha! there it is: why won’t Kamala give us the sit-down interview that is our god-given right. they pulled that shit on Joe Biden, and now they’re doing it to Kamala.

know what, New York Times? whining isn’t a strategy, either.

the question must be asked: why does Maureen Dowd hate women?

she’s famously carried a thirty-year grudge against Hillary Clinton — and it looks like she’s gearing up to transfer it all onto Kamala Harris. Modo’s now doling out to Kamala the same kind of backhanded pissy-hissy insults she used to reserve for the email lady.

Now we begin what is going to be a very ugly slugfest between the Unserious Man and the Untested Woman.

excuse me, the “untested woman”? how is Kamala quote-unquote “untested”? she’s been elected DA of San Francisco, attorney general of California , U.S. senator from California and vice president of the United States. on what planet is that “untested”?

seriously, MoDo, what are you yammering about? wait, is it because Kamala won’t talk to the Times? is that how she’s “untested”?

oh look, CNN’s jumped on the why won’t Kamala talk to us bandwagon.

CNN’s all knicker-twisted because Kamala’s been giving interviews to social media influencers, while ignoring the mainstream media.

Vice President Kamala Harris taped three interviews this week at the Democratic National Convention, but none were with any of the 15,000 credentialed journalists here in Chicago. Instead, they were with social media influencers, including Vidya Gopalan, a North Carolina mom known to her 3.4 million TikTok followers as @queencitytrends.

free clue for CNN: Kamala doesn’t need you wasting her time on bullshit like Donald Trump says you’re a flabbedybloop. what do you say to that? what would be the point of dignifying that with a response? Kamala’s talking to the influencers because she can rely on them not to fixate on stupid shit.

Gopalan, who largely posts lifestyle content, asked Harris to reflect on their shared Indian heritage and her memories of spending time in India with her grandfather. The video, posted Tuesday, has more than 1.9 million views.

isn’t Kamala’s Indian heritage a far more interesting subject than what’s your reaction to the unhinged rantings of a convicted felon?

but what about us, whines CNN, we’re the gatekeepers of the news!

boo fucking hoo.

here, look. this right here is what I’m talking about.

of course Kamala didn’t reply to your inane question about Bobby Brainworms. stop wasting Kamala’s time on bullshit, and maybe she’ll talk to you.

here’s a tale of two headlines. can you spot the difference?

all that crap that rocketed out of Donny’s mouth at the Republican convention? those were just claims. but Kamala? false and misleading.

most people don’t read past the headlines.

now let’s take a look at one of the “facts” that the press is so horny about “checking.”

Vice President Kamala Harris:

“We know what a second Trump term will look like. It’s all laid out in Project 2025, written by his closest advisors.”

Fact check:

However, former President Donald Trump has not adopted the blueprint as his campaign platform and has attempted to distance himself from it. In July, Trump wrote in a Truth Social post, “I know nothing about Project 2025. I have no idea who is behind it. I disagree with some of the things they’re saying and some of the things they're saying are absolutely ridiculous and abysmal.”

WHY IS THE MEDIA USING DONALD TRUMP’S OWN WORDS AS PROOF OF ANYTHING?

excuse me while I glue the exploded fragments of my head back together.

come the fuck on, media. Donny Convict is a liar. you already know this. taking his word is a fool’s game, and yet after decades of Donny doling out one bold-faced prevarication after another, the press is still falling for his bullshit.

let’s take “Donny says” to its logical conclusion:

FACT CHECK: Joe Biden says he is the President of the United States. however, Donny Convict says the election was rigged, and he actually won. therefore, we must rate the claim that Joe Biden is President as INCONCLUSIVE.

see how stupid that sounds?

hey, why don’t we check out what the architects of Project 2025 have to say about Donny’s involvement.

“Project 2025 wouldn't exist if we didn't have Donald Trump.”

who you gonna believe, the mainstream media, or your own lying ears?

now this just might be the most petty fact check of all time.

Politifact is mad at the Democrats because Beyoncé never made an appearance at the DNC.

however: the Dems never said Beyoncé was going to be a suprise performer. the whole thing was a complete fiction promulgated by — you guessed it — the press.

but sure, let’s get mad at the Democrats for something totally out their control. that’s very on-brand for our worthless corporate-controlled media.

hey, here’s another tale of two headlines.

gee, which is it? did Kamala thump Trump, or was it a narrow win?

the press is rooting so hard for Kamala to fail.

sorry, media — Bobby dropping out was a half-day story. not one person outside of the media’s own bubble cares.

the press isn’t just rooting for Kamala to fail — they’re actively cheering for Donny Convict to win. but Donny keeps refusing to play along.

the Times is having a big sad right now because Donny is a self-inflicted fuck-up factory who is incapable of magically becoming the human being that the press keeps promising he will be, any day now.

boo fucking hoo.

---

now let’s do some thinking and praying for the saddest loser of the week: Kari Lake

as the opening act at a hate-rally on Friday, Kari was supposed to speak for a few minutes, warm up the crowd, and then cede the stage so Dear Leader could do this thing.

speak for a few minutes? Team Trump, have you met Kari Lake? this bag of wind loves her some attention almost as much as Donny Convict does. you cannot get her to shut the fuck up. six and a half minutes past her allotted speaking time, she was still up there, yammering away.

and so Team Trump took her speech down off the teleprompter and replaced it with the following words of encouragement:

“please get off the stage — Trump waiting.”

oof. too bad, so sad.