Kamala Harris has broken Donald Trump’s brain

and JD Vance just plain sucks

rapidly-deteriorating former game-show host Little Donny Fuckface hasn’t been having any fun lately.

all this week, Donny’s been hunkered down in his New Jersey golf motel and ex-wife cemetery, watching TV — and all they talk about on every show is how the entire Democratic Party has come together to endorse the woman who’s going to kick his ass in November.

it’s completely broken his brain.

there’s only one thing in this world that Donny loves just as much as money: being the center of attention — and for a while there, oh fucking boy, was he ever.

just a week ago, Donny was the biggest story on the planet. all the papers, all the shows — they talked about one thing only: The Great Ear-Grazing. for four whole days, he got to swan about at the GOP Convention, wearing that clownishly oversized head-diaper — and the press gobbled that shit right down, without even bothering to chew.

but then Sunday came, and that icky old Joe Biden had to ruin everything by abandoning his reelection bid and endorsing Kamala Harris as his replacement — and just like that, it was over. nobody wanted to talk about Brave Donny Fistpump any more. it was fuckity-bye, ear and hello, nice lady running for president.

yesterday morning, the voices in Donny’s head started shrieking in perfect four-part harmony, and he picked up his phone and fired off a big bowl of hey everybody, remember me? the guy with the ear?

“The Biden/Harris Administration did not properly protect me, and I was forced to take a bullet for Democracy. IT WAS MY GREAT HONOR TO DO SO!”

sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up, you ginormous horse’s ass.

stop being so dramatic. you didn’t “take a bullet” — you got nicked on the tippy-tip of your ear. and Joe Biden and Kamala Harris had nothing to do with it. the Secret Service is funded through an act of Congress. maybe go ask your Republican homies why they keep trying to slash the Service’s budget.

are you having a big sad because you’re not getting the attention you imagine you deserve? boo fucking hoo. go put the ear diaper back on — maybe that’ll work.

in the meantime, here — enjoy some tiny violin.

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it wasn’t supposed play out like this. Donny and that weird eye-makeup-wearing guy that the Space Nazi talked him into choosing, they were supposed to coast to victory in November.

running against Sleepy Brandon was going to be a piece of cake — just keep talking about how Joe is so old and decrepit that he probably died like two months ago and is so demented that he doesn’t even realize he’s supposed to lie down and stop breathing.

but no. now he’s got to run against that black lady — and everybody loves the black lady.

it’s so unfair.

and now it’s turning out that Shillbilly Vance is a huge liability. he’s got negative charisma. the more people see of JD, the more they loathe him.

“JD Vance is making history as the least liked VP nominee (non-incumbent) since 1980 following his/her party’s convention. He’s the first to have a net negative favorable rating. Not surprising given how weak he ran in Ohio in 2022. Far worse than the average Ohio Republican.”

the guy just basically fucking sucks at everything.

“it is the weirdest thing to me. Democrats say that it is racist to believe— well, they say it’s racist to do anything. I had a Diet Mountain Dew yesterday, and one today. I’m sure they’re going to call that racist.”

huh? is that JD’s idea of humor? I’m guessing it is, because of how he giggled childishly after saying it. the audience seems to be as mystified as we are.

hey JD — don’t quit your day job. wait, what’s that? running for vice president is your day job? uh-oh. bro, you’re in big trouble.

right now, Team Trump is frantically googling “how do you replace a vice presidential candidate?”

Is JD Vance about to become the latest member of the Trump entourage to suffer defenestration? Reports are now circulating that Trump is having second thoughts about the thirty-nine-year-old Ohio Senator whom Trump tapped to represent the generational change in the GOP. Tim Alberta stated on X that the “Most striking thing I heard from Trump allies yesterday was the second-guessing of JD Vance—a selection, they acknowledged, that was borne of cockiness, meant to run up margins with the base in a blowout rather than persuade swing voters in a nail-biter.”

sorry, Team Trump. Donny should be forced to carry JD Vance to term, even if it endangers the life of the Republican Party.

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but all is not lost, right? at least Donny still has that $45 million the the Space Nazi promised him if he picked Vance, right?

the Space Nazi wouldn’t go back on his word, would he?

Elon Musk called reports he will donate $45 million a month to Donald Trump  ‘ridiculous,’ and insisted he doesn’t ‘prescribe to [his] cult of personality.’

The Tesla boss, instead, explained that he planned to start ‘lower level’ donations in July to the America PAC he set up to back the former president with massive cash injections.

oopsies! it looks like someone forgot to tell Donny that the Space Nazi is a self-promoting huckster who lies about every fucking thing.

do you need some more tiny violin, Donny?

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meanwhile, the clownfuckery at Republican Headquarters continues as the brainiacs responsible for creating attack ads keep trying to find something — anything — to go after Kamala for. take a look at what the dipshits are trying out today.

“Kamala Harris brought her cackle to Milwaukee: ‘Good afternoon, Wisconsin! Ha ha ha ha!’”

I have to say, the RNC is making a very compelling case here. who do I vote for, the lady with the boisterous laugh, or the convicted felon and adjudicated rapist who wants to end democracy?

it’s a fucking conundrum, for sure.

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say what you want about about Kamala, she has great taste in music. check out this clip from May 2023.

reporter: “what did you get?”

Kamala: “do you know music? OK, so first of all, Charlie Mingus, really one of the greatest jazz performers ever. one of my favorite albums of all time, Roy Ayers, ‘Everybody Loves the Sunshine,’ you know this one? it’s so good. it’s a classic. and then ‘Porgy and Bess,’ right? and this is a beautiful one, it’s Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong.”

contrast that to Donny, whose idea of prime entertainment is watching himself on Fox News.

so, who gets your vote? the laughing lady with the jazz records, or, y’know, Rapey McConvict?