Little Donny Fuckface’s ace team of parking garage lawyers were in Judge Tanya Chutkan’s D.C. courtroom yesterday. The Guy Who Convicts War Criminals In The Hague had his people there, too.
everyone was there to set a date for Donny’s Big Election Fuckery Trial.
Jack Smith had proposed a trial date of How About Right Now, Can We Do Today? Because I’m So Fucking Ready To Nail This Insurrectionist Shithead.
Trump’s lawyers countered with a proposed trial date of How About Never, and if it couldn’t be How About Never, could it at least be a thousand years from now?
the issue, Trump’s lawyers insisted, was that there is so much evidence against their client — millions of documents, stacked sky high — that it would take at least a skillion years to read through it all to prepare their defense.
the secondary argument was that Donald Trump is a Very Busy Man Doing Very Important Things so how can anyone expect him to make time for being held accountable for his crimes?
now I hope you’re sitting down, because I’m going tell you something shocking:
Trump’s lawyers were being disingenuous.
Judge Chutkan was having none of it.
Since Chutkan said that she will give no consideration to Trump’s personal political agenda, [Trump lawyer] Lauro had to support the silly suggestion with specious arguments about volume of discovery and average length of other cases. She was matter-of-fact when she informed Lauro that she wasn’t buying what he was trying to sell: “You and I have a very, very different estimate of… the time that’s needed to prepare for this case.”
She also noted that the Trump legal team’s claim that “median time” for similar cases to go to trial — which it used to get to the April 2026 date — was misleading; that’s the time from commencement of a case to sentencing, not to trial.
In the setting of a federal court, these tart comments are the equivalent of a thorough boxing of Lauro’s ears. They suggested not only that the outlandish proposal of April 2026 had backfired, but also that Lauro’s credibility with Chutkan is already damaged, an ominous position, before the litigation has even started in earnest.
Tanya Chutkan is not putting up with any of Trumpworld’s bullshit and I am so fucking here for it.
Chutkan set a trial date of March 4, 2024, and Trump’s legal team left the courtroom with the judge’s shoe wedged up their collective ass.
as for Trump, the silly dipshit reacted by throwing a technicolor tantrum on his crappy app, vowing I WILL APPEAL!
looks like Donald Trump is going to have to learn the hard way that Judge Chutkan is not someone who tolerates being fucked with.
and I pity the hapless parking garage lawyer who had to explain to Trump that court dates cannot be appealed.
I hope they hid the ketchup first.
meanwhile, the wingnut screech-monkey ecosystem is having a perfectly normal one.
buckle your seat belt, it’s about to get very stupid out here.
postscript: multitalented podcast host Allison Gill attended Judge Chutkan’s hearing and wrote a firsthand account of it. yes, I’m assigning you homework: go read it, it’s good.
I so love this Judge. The “ace up her sleeve” is the more Trump sounds off on social media and elsewhere with his derogatory remarks, than the greater need for her to HASTEN the trial, - move it up even sooner so that the jury and witnesses aren’t tainted! Such a fucking beautiful tactic! Love that gal! It’s a pleasure to watch her put Lauro in his place. That guy was spewing such fucking bullshit to every news-show host that would even listen to him. Popcorn is ready...we just need CAMERAS in the courtroom! Fuck yeah!
Trump's legal representation across all four cases confirms two things. 1. Idiots get law degrees every year, even from Ivy League schools. 2. Bar exams aren't as tough as they should be.