it’s Donny the garbage man. he lives in a garbage can.

what did this pointless stunt prove?

this is an actual, unretouched photo of a demented, anus-mouthed Oompa Loompa cosplaying as some kind of fucked-up garbage man.

it’s the perfect encapsulation of just how stupid our national discourse has become.

let me catch you up on how we arrived at this moment of clowntastic fucknuttery.

on Sunday, at Donny Convict’s Nazi rally in Madison Square Garden, MAGA comedian Tony Hinchcliffe endearingly called Puerto Rico “an island of floating garbage” — an unforced error that touched off a days-long scandal that saw Donny lose the support of millions of pissed-off Puerto Ricans.

on Tuesday, during a zoom call with Latino voters, Joe Biden said this:

The only garbage I see floating out there is his supporter’s — his, his demonization of Latinos is unconscionable and it’s un-American.

because we live in the stupidest possible timeline, every single one of the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media spontaneously orgasmed.

gaffe! they screamed, gaffe! gaffe!! gaffe!!! gaffegaffegaffegaffegaffe!!!!!!

the press, desperate to both-sides the shit out of everything, spent all of Wednesday screaming see? see? Democrats are just as bad! — which touched off an entire side debate: what did Joe Biden actually say? was it “his supporters”? “his supporter’s”? “his supporters’”? — as if the entire world hung in the balance of an apostrophe.

seriously, who gives a shit?

the press desperately wants this to be 2024’s ‘basket of deplorables’ moment.

this is a fiction that the media has been shoving in our faces for years. they want us to believe that a bunch of literal Nazis were all set to vote for the email lady, but then she called them deplorable and they all switched their votes to Donny.

which brings us to the cognitively-impaired Oompa Loompa.

Donny Convict loves to play the victim, so naturally the overgrown grievance-baby immediately latched onto the story. Biden called my supporters garbage! it’s an outrage! no one has ever been treated this badly! election interference!

this fucking guy. it’s ok for him to call his opponents “the enemy within” and call for anyone who disagrees with him to be chucked into prison — but “garbage”? grab the smelling salts, Melania, and help me to my fainting couch. I think I’m going to pass out.

and the lapdog press is all too willing to play along. so uncivil of Biden! how will the Democrats recover?

oh, and since garbage is apparently the one word that’s forbidden in American political discourse, here — courtesy of the Lincoln Project — is a supercut of the dozens of times Donny has referred to Democrats as “absolute garbage.”

I’m sure the media will jump all over Donny’s ahem divisive rhetoric, right?

oh no, they can’t. they’re too busy demanding that Kamala Harris account for what Joe Biden said.

WHERE’S YOUR APOLOGY, KAMALA? WHERE’S YOUR APOLOGY?

Leigh McGowan has it exactly right.

“I think it’s weird that we’re asking Kamala to answer for what Joe Biden said, but we're not asking Trump to answer for what Trump says.”

so, handed this golden opportunity to make political hay out of a nothingburger, Team Donny decided to tart Dear Leader up in garbage collector cosplay and let him ride around in a garbage truck. that will own those libs for once and for all.

I shit you not. they slapped a Trump logo on the side of a garbage truck — and the media ate it up.

yeah, I’m so fucking owned right now.

here’s a question that not one member of the press asked:

why?

what did this stunt prove? that Donny can put on a bright orange safety vest without stabbing himself in the eye? yay, Donny! that he can hoist himself into the cab of a garbage truck?

because I have news for you:

holy shit, what just happened? Donny’s hip apparently almost collapsed under him — and then he has to smack it to get it moving again. what is going on here? Donny is not a well man.

brilliant move, Team Trump. you encouraged a 78-year-old dotard in poor health to pull himself up into a Big Boy Truck all by his Big Boy Self, and in the process he almost dislocates his pelvis just trying to open the door. ace job. pat yourselves on the back, you fucking morons.

did MAGA even notice that Dear Leader almost put himself in the hospital? apparently not. here’s Sean Hannity calling Donny’s near-catastrophe an “epic iconic moment.”

“and today, in Wisconsin, take a look at that. this may go down as an iconic, epic moment that we will remember for a long time.”

iconic of what, exactly?

again, what was the point? Joe Biden called my supporters garbage, so I’ll ride around in a garbage truck. that will show him!

that makes almost as much sense as Kamala never worked at a McDonald’s, and I’ll prove it by spending fifteen minutes pretending to make french fries.

oh look, the stupid dipshit fell so in love with his safety vest that he wore it to a hate rally later that day.

“I want to protect the women … I’m gonna do it whether the women like it or not.”

Donny — an adjudicated rapist, mind you — is not very big on consent. he’s going to protect you ladies, whether you like it or not. does that sound familiar?

“I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.”

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hey, Washington Post and Los Angeles Times, take note: this is how you write an editorial.

Americans from both sides of the political spectrum should be alarmed by Trump’s words and behavior. The nation must confront the fact that beyond his hateful character, he is crippled cognitively and showing clear signs of mental illness.

…

With Trump’s fragility comes an increasing dependence on enablers who show a disturbing willingness to indulge his delusions, amplify his paranoia or steer his feeble mind toward their own goals. Among these enablers is his running mate, Sen. JD Vance of Ohio. Should Trump be deemed unfit to serve, Vance would step into power.

as if you needed one more reason to vote for Kamala, this one should terrify you: President JD Vance.

five days to go. if we vote, we win.