imaginary phones and shitty swimming pools: how Preznit Fuckwit grifts America

and Péter Magyar gets sworn in as Hungary’s PM

it’s a wise old saying: MAGA and their money are soon parted.

sometimes I wish I had been born without a moral compass — because if I weren’t burdened by a sense of right and wrong, I would grift these gullible morons so hard, they wouldn’t know what hit them.

it’s just too fucking easy. just look at Donny Convict. he’s not even that bright, and he’s been swindling these dullards for literal decades.

hey, MAGA — how are you enjoying your Trump Phones? you know, those golden devices that Donny convinced you almost a year ago would be the best phones ever, for which six hundred thousand of you put down a $100 deposit.

so, how are the phones?

what, you mean you never got them?

welcome to reality, you fucking dumb-asses. you got grifted.

An estimated 590,000 consumers paid $100 each to Trump Mobile to pre-order the T1 Phone, meaning $59 million has been paid for a product that may or may not exist. As of May 2026, not a single confirmed customer has received the device. No firm release date has been provided, and Trump Mobile has not responded to repeated media requests for comment.

the Trump Phone is a classic Donny flim-flam operation: promise the moon, deliver bupkis.

last June, Donny’s two failsons — Cokey McSniffles and The Dumb One — announced that these phones were going to be great. great like no one thought possible. maybe the greatest phones of all time. their pitch worked. almost six hundred thousand brain-dead cultists — who, like their beloved Dear Leader, act first and think never — eagerly plunked down a hundred dollar deposit, giving Donny and his felonious hellspawn an immediate $60 million windfall.

now it’s almost a year later, and Trump Mobile has yet to ship one phone. MAGA got played, and they have no one to blame but their own stupid selves — because if any of these thick-witted lumps had spent ninety seconds doing critical thinking, it would have dawned on them that ‘hey, maybe it’s a bad idea to give our money to the con artists who stole from a charity for cancer-stricken children. maybe let’s stay away from the family of the guy who ran a fake university.’

but of course none of these shitwits bothered to do any of that. they were too busy wearing adult diapers in honor of Dear Leader.

you know what? maybe Donny’s phone grift is some form of karmic justice. maybe if you’re silly enough to prance about in a big golden adult diaper because your cult leader no longer has control of his bowels, the moral arc of the universe gets to smack you upside the head.

oh, and here’s the icing on the cake: a few weeks ago, a disclaimer was added to the Trump Phone web site, cordially inviting anyone still believing that they were ever going to get a phone to go fuck themselves.

A preorder deposit provides only a conditional opportunity if Trump Mobile later elects, in its sole discretion, to offer the Device for sale. A deposit is not a purchase, does not constitute acceptance of an order, does not create a contract for sale, does not transfer ownership or title interest, does not allocate or reserve specific inventory, and does not guarantee that a Device will be produced or made available for purchase.

translation: we’re going to mug you, you’re never going to get your money back, and there’s not one fucking thing you can do about it.

is that even legal? oh right, we live in a country where consumer protection laws have been made to go fuckity-bye. congratulations, MAGA. you voted for thieves who robbed you blind — and then made it impossible for you to get any restitution.

awesome job, you eejits. take a victory lap — while wearing adult diapers.

so, is the Trump Phone ever going to ship? of course not — because the goddamned thing never existed. all the images of phones on the Trump Mobile web site are amateurish photoshop jobs.

I mean, does that even look like the screen of a real phone? of course not.

Phones displayed on the Trump Mobile website looked like renders rather than working prototypes, and a different section of the website appeared to show a render of an iPhone.

Sharp-eyed users noticed that Trump Mobile’s promotional image appeared to be a Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra housed in a Spigen gold case, with a photoshopped US flag and ‘T1’ branding pasted over Spigen’s original logo.

bottom line: there is no ‘Trump Phone,’ and there never will be. it’s basically a dead parrot. it’s probably pining for the fjords.

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now let’s talk about Preznit Fuckwit’s desecration of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool — because that has sleazy grift written all over it, too.

it seems that Donny has once again ignored all the rules that regulate how government contracts are supposed to be awarded, bypassed all legal constraints, and awarded a no-bid $6.9 million contract to his cronies at Atlantic Industrial Coatings, LLC — the company that paints the pools at his shitty golf motels.

and, once again, Donny has ginned up a fake ‘emergency’ in order to inflict his tasteless aesthetic onto our historic national landmarks.

To give out that $6.9 million no-bid contract, Mr. Trump’s administration invoked an exemption meant for urgent situations, The New York Times found. The exemption was supposed to be used only to prevent “serious injury, financial or other, to the government.” Administration officials made no public claim that such injury was likely; rather, officials said, Mr. Trump wanted it changed for the country’s birthday party on July 4.

here we are again with a bogus ‘emergency.’ it’s the same flimsy rationale he used to tariff the shit out of the world, to drop bombs on Venezuelan fishermen, and to send masked and armed thugs into American cities. it’s an emergency! someone has to do something!

as always, it’s fucking maddening. Washington DC is not Donny’s personal property, to do with as he pleases. yet, once again, the GOP-controlled Congress has failed to do its Constitutionally-mandated duty to rein this fucker in — and so Donny gets to make a unilateral decision to drain the pool and have it painted it some totally inappropriate garish shade of bright blue.

why bright blue? because Donny has a toddler’s understand of the world.

it’s called the Reflecting Pool, and pools are always supposed to be blue, right? just like Oval Bordellos are always supposed to be gold. duh!

Donny just wants to turn DC into some larger — and even more godawful tasteless — version of Motel-a-Lago. it’s why he’s covered the walls of the White House with all that vulgar gold-painted filigree. it’s why he bulldozed the Rose Garden and replaced it with his Epstein Parking Lot — complete with the same tables and umbrellas as his shitty golf motel. it’s why he razed the East Wing and wants to replace it with an oversized Epstein Dance Hall.

it’s all so fucking embarrassing — and Republicans in Congress are just rolling over and letting it happen.

we should probably check in with Donny’s personal pool painters and see how things are going down at the National Mall.

Jesus wept. what is that? what the fuck is going on?

as soon as my Trump Phone arrives, I’m going to call Atlantic Industrial Coatings and ask them what the hell they imagine they’re doing.

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here’s your hero of the day: Hungary’s new Prime Minister, Péter Magyar, who was sworn into office yesterday, ending the 16-year misrule of Donny’s despot bestie Victor Orbán.

Magyar immediately began de-Orbánizing Hungary — starting with the flying of the European Union flag outside the parliament building.

The EU flag is flying at Hungary’s parliament again after Péter Magyar was sworn in as prime minister — the first time it’s been displayed there since Viktor Orbán had it removed in 2014.

this is a lesson for our next Democratic president: the de-Donnification of America has to begin immediately following the inauguration. no farting around. Donny’s fuckery has to be eradicated from the first second.

I personally volunteer to go to Washington and pry all that fugly golden tat off the walls of the White House.

who’s with me?

now check this out. it’s the victory dance of Hegedűs Zsolt, Hungary’s new health minister. it’s four minutes and four seconds of holy shit.

this guy’s on fire! we def need to gif a few seconds of that shit for posterity’s sake.

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now it’s time for your Daily Claudia.

today is Mother’s Day — so here’s the new mom and her newborn Katie, from July 1991.

and, from a couple of weeks later —

have a great Sunday, everyone. happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers out there.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.