elderly golfer too chickenshit to debate Kamala

sorry, Donny’s too busy right now

one thing Donny Convict never shuts the fuck up about is how super goddamned tough he is.

I’d absolutely run into a school to stop an active shooter.

remember when he said that? everyone was all oh please get over yourself, you’re a deteriorating old dipshit who gets winded if you have to walk from the golf cart to the green — but as the scene plays out in Donny’s putrefying brain, teachers and children are cowering while he’s doing acrobatic handsprings and pinwheeling around a hail of bullets like Neo in the Matrix. you’re fired, he says, as he pulls the AR-15 from the shooter’s grasp and clocks him over the head with it.

I’d punch the shit out of Joe Biden in a heartbeat.

this is another of Donny’s frequent boasts. sure, hombre, whatever you say. we’ve all seen the clip of you holding for dear life onto a general’s hand as you gingerly waddle your way down a gentle ramp. but tell us again how you’ll go toe-to-toe with a guy who can still ride a bicycle at age 81. it’s such a cool story.

yup, Donny’s one tough son of a bitch, all right.

but there’s one thing Donny absolutely won’t do: stand next to Kamala Harris on a debate stage — because the narcoleptic old fart factory knows he’ll get his ass kicked. again.

yesterday, CNN offered host a second debate, to be held on October 23. Kamala agreed in a hot fucking second, because why wouldn’t she? Kamala’s as eager as the rest of to laugh her head off as Donny shits himself once again on live tv.

no more debates, fuck that, replied Donny. here’s his official excuse: it’s too late. early voting has already begun.

oh, boo fucking hoo. it’s a bullshit excuse. early voting didn’t stop Donny from debating Joe Biden on October 22, 2020.

anyway, Donny doesn’t have time for a debate. he’s too busy selling Trump Coins. I shit you not.

Donny isn’t going to let anything stupid like a presidential campaign get in the way of his Eternal Grift — not when there are still cultists out there who are eager to be suckered out of a hundred clams for THE ONLY OFFICIAL COIN that he personally designed.

by the way, if you actually believe that Donny personally designed that coin, I have five bankrupt casinos in Atlantic City to sell you.

is there anything this greedy fuckstain won’t put his name on, if there’s a buck to be made?

Donny’s also too busy doling out campaign promises he can’t possibly make good on.

“Your Automobile Insurance is up 73% — VOTE FOR TRUMP, I’LL CUT THAT NUMBER IN HALF!”

oh great, Donny is Flo from Progressive now.

this fact-free boast has the insurance industry scratching their heads.

Putting aside for a moment the promise to cut premium increases, Trump’s reference to a 73% increase in auto insurance rates “seems to have no basis in fact—at least if one insists on using credible, verifiable sources of data,” said economist Robert Hartwig, a professor in the Moore School of Business at the University of South Carolina, and former president of the Insurance Information Institute.

of course, seeming to have no basis in fact is Donny’s whole brand — whether it’s car insurance, or swarthy immigrants munching away on poor little Fifi. but let’s let Robert Hartwig go on.

“Someone should explain to Trump that insurance—and insurance rates—are regulated by the states, not the federal government,” Hartwig said.

good luck explaining anything to Donny. the dumbfuck still has no idea how tariffs work — or how weather maps work, or how not cheating on your wife works. or how closing a simple fucking umbrella works.

Donny imagines that he can just call up the Emperor of Insurance and bark orders. hey, did you know that there is already an economic system where prices are dictated by the government and imposed on industry? it’s called communism. try explaining that to Donny.

Donny has reached the promise them anything stage of his campaign.

Trump … has recently tossed off promises to abolish taxes on tips, overtime pay and Social Security; make in-vitro fertilization free to patients; cap credit card interest rates; cut car insurance rates and restore the state and local tax deduction.

desperate and flailing, he’s just projectile-vomiting whatever fly-by-night idea pops into his worm-infested head. none of these random mouth-farts should be mistaken for actual plans. they’re not even concepts of plans.

When normal campaigns roll out a big campaign promise, they give white papers to reporters ahead of time, add a new bit to the stump speech, roll out a new section on the website, send out press releases and post about it on social media. But Trump’s campaign pledges have come off the cuff at rallies, in interviews and on Truth Social, seemingly in response to some recent event or news item.

remember free IVF?

free IVF would actually be a great thing, but in a Trump presidency it would be a big steaming mug of never gonna happen. topmost, the very notion runs counter to Project 2025’s plan to gut all reproductive healthcare, including IVF. also, it would also cost $7.8 billion a year. if it were Kamala proposing to add billions of dollars to the federal budget, you know exactly how the press would react.

but Donny’s a Very Special Boy. he can say whatever he wants, and the press just pats him on the head and says heh heh, Donny’s just being Donny again.

it’s been three weeks since Donny promised free IVF and there’s still not one word about it on his campaign website. remember Donny’s wackadoodle plan for flying cars? that’s still up on his site — but not free IVF.

another reason Donny doesn’t have time to debate is that he’s too busy doing whatever the fuck this is.

“WOMEN ARE POORER THAN THEY WERE FOUR YEARS AGO, ARE LESS HEALTHY THAN THEY WERE FOUR YEARS AGO, ARE LESS SAFE ON THE STREETS THAN THEY WERE FOUR YEARS AGO, ARE MORE DEPRESSED AND UNHAPPY THAN THEY WERE FOUR YEARS AGO, AND ARE LESS OPTIMISTIC AND CONFIDENT IN THE FUTURE THAN THEY WERE FOUR YEARS AGO! I WILL FIX ALL OF THAT, AND FAST, AND AT LONG LAST THIS NATIONAL NIGHTMARE WILL BE OVER. WOMEN WILL BE HAPPY, HEALTHY, CONFIDENT AND FREE! YOU WILL NO LONGER BE THINKING ABOUT ABORTION, BECAUSE IT IS NOW WHERE IT ALWAYS HAD TO BE, WITH THE STATES, AND A VOTE OF THE PEOPLE - AND WITH POWERFUL EXCEPTIONS, LIKE THOSE THAT RONALD REAGAN INSISTED ON, FOR RAPE, INCEST, AND THE LIFE OF THE MOTHER - BUT NOT ALLOWING FOR DEMOCRAT DEMANDED LATE TERM ABORTION IN THE 7TH, 8TH, OR 9TH MONTH, OR EVEN EXECUTION OF A BABY AFTER BIRTH. I WILL PROTECT WOMEN AT A LEVEL NEVER SEEN BEFORE. THEY WILL FINALLY BE HEALTHY, HOPEFUL, SAFE, AND SECURE. THEIR LIVES WILL BE HAPPY, BEAUTIFUL, AND GREAT AGAIN!”

just wonderful, another late-night hand over the car keys, grandpa moment from a major political party’s candidate for president.

check out this insult to all that is decent:

“YOU WILL NO LONGER BE THINKING ABOUT ABORTION”

you know who’s no longer thinking about abortion?

Amber Thurman, that’s who. Amber is no longer thinking about anything, because she died lying in a hospital bed. her doctors were too terrified of going to prison to give her the life-saving medical care she needed.

Amber Thurman died as a direct result of Donny putting three extremist religious zealots on the Supreme Court. they shitcanned Roe just as soon as they had the chance.

everybody wanted this, Donny keeps bragging. seriously, you heartless fuck? did Amber Thurman want this?

no, Donny can’t debate right now. he doesn’t have time. he’s too busy shitting all over the ideals that decent Americans hold dear.

hey Donny — this you?

bawk! bawk! bawk! bawk! bawk! bawk! bawk! bawk! bawk! bawk! bawk!