elderly golfer shits pants, blames Joe Biden
you don’t get a doll.
‘oh fuck no, it’s happening again.’
‘no, no, not now,’ moans the elderly golfer, as he loads his diaper, right there on the thirteenth green.
‘why?’ he asks. ‘why did Joe Biden do this?’
folks, I know you’re not going to believe this — but the lifelong failure who failed at running a real estate empire, and failed at running casinos, and failed at running an airline, and failed at running a football team, and failed at fighting a pandemic, and failed at selling steaks, and failed at selling water, and failed as a father, and failed as a husband, has failed to preserve the strong economy he inherited from Joe Biden.
in fact, Donny Convict didn’t just fail to preserve America’s strong economy — he took it out back and shot it in the fucking head.
This morning the Bureau of Economic Analysis released a report showing an abrupt reversal in the U.S. economy. Gross domestic product (GDP), which measures the total market value of goods and services, shrank from a healthy 2.4% in the last quarter of 2024 to -0.3% in the first quarter of 2025. The shift is the first time in three years that the economy has contracted. The slump appears to have been fueled by a surge in buying overseas goods before Trump’s tariffs hit.
Donny, of course, did what all strong leaders do. he immediately convened a meeting of his entire team of economic advisors, questioning each of them in turn how to best help the economy recover — and then he ordered them to make it so.
no, wait — Donny didn’t do any of that shit. what he did do was start whining about how none of it was his fault.
“This is Biden’s Stock Market, not Trump’s. I didn’t take over until January 20th. Tariffs will soon start kicking in, and companies are starting to move into the USA in record numbers. Our Country will boom, but we have to get rid of the Biden ‘Overhang.’ This will take a while, has NOTHING TO DO WITH TARIFFS, only that he left us with bad numbers, but when the boom begins, it will be like no other. BE PATIENT!!!”
let’s leave the incoherence and the obvious contradictions aside for now. yes, I know that Donny’s been bragging for weeks now about how tariffs are already bringing in billions of dollars, and that here he says they haven’t even kicked in yet. I know that ‘Biden Overhang’ is meaningless gibberish. none of that is important.
here’s the only thing you need to take away from Donny’s post: everything bad that happens is Joe Biden’s fault. everything. it always is.
now, I hear you asking, but Uncle Jeff, what about the part where Donny is a reckless imbecile with a toddler’s understanding of how economies work, no impulse control, and the attention span of a coked-up squirrel — didn’t that play a major role in why our once-robust markets are currently circling the drain?
hey, can that commie talk right now, pal. put a sock in it. what, you want to get disappeared off the street?
hey, let’s do a fun thing. let’s put Donny’s ‘it’s Joe Biden’s fault’ post next to a post Donny made in January 2024, when the Biden economy was roaring along. let’s compare and contrast.
ohhhh, okay. I get it now. all bad things are someone else’s fault, even when they happen on Donny’s watch, and all good things are the result of Donny’s genius — even when they happen on someone else’s watch.
I have to wonder: when the fixtures from the last of Donny’s bankrupt casinos were being auctioned off at fire-sale prices — as the gaming tables and slot machines were being carted off and loaded onto moving vans — was that Joe Biden’s fault, too? I wish some reporter would ask Donny this.
by the way — if you’re a parent currently worrying that rising prices and empty shelves will ruin Christmas, how about you excuse yourself from the room and go fuck yourself right now. real patriots don’t whine about not being able to afford to buy shit.
“they made a trillion dollars with Biden selling us stuff. much of it we don’t need, you know? somebody said, ‘oh, the shelves are gonna be empty.’ well, maybe the children will have two dolls instead of 30 dolls, and maybe the two dolls will cost a couple of bucks more.”
that’s the new messaging from Donny and his sewer clowns: maybe the shelves will be empty, but you didn’t need that shit anyway.
the nerve of this guy. he’s spent his whole life needing things. golf motels. attention. endless praise. gold everything, everywhere. for fuck’s sake, he shits into a golden toilet. and I guarantee you that the daughter he wants to quote-unquote ‘date,’ if we’re putting it charitably, had hundreds of dolls growing up.
but you, Mr. and Mrs. American Consumer? fuck straight off with your desire to have things. you don’t get a doll. deal with it.
‘you don’t get a doll’ used to be a meme that people passed around to make fun of Ayn Rand and the libertarian need for greed.
thanks to Donny, ‘you don’t get a doll’ is now real life.
remember how we used to brag about having the world’s highest standard of living?
well, that shit’s gone out of style, bro. Dear Leader wants you to know that you don’t need things. now get your broke ass the fuck back to the iPhone factory, and let your benevolent oligarchs do all the having of things.
meanwhile, over in the Enchanted Land of the Magical Sewer Clowns, none of this bad economic news shit was happening.
Donny held a cabinet meeting yesterday, and made sure everyone had a ‘Gulf of America’ hat in front of them — because that’s what you do when you’re a broken-inside bottomless pit of need who requires constant affirmation.
speaking of the need for constant affirmation, yes, they did that thing where they go around the table and each Sewer Clown tries to outdo the others in flattering Dear Leader with over-the-top praise.
Pam Bondi: “Mr. President, your first one hundred days as far exceeded that of any other president in this country, ever. ever. never seen anything like it. thank you.”
wait, Pam’s not finished shoveling that shit.
“…3,400 kilos of fentanyl since you’ve been here, your last hundred days, which saved, are you ready for this, media? two hundred and fifty eight million lives.”
here’s a fun fact check: 258 million is 75% of the current population of the United States. that’s right, if it weren’t for Donny’s skillful leadership, you’d have had a three-in-four chance of already being dead from fentanyl — so stop obsessing over how many dolls your child has, for fuck’s sake, and get down on your knees and thank Dear Leader for saving your life.
oh look, even eyeliner model JD Vance has pulled his schlong out from the sectional long enough to get into the act.
“and I think what it shows to me is that the president — and you sit in the Oval Office and see these portraits of presidents past. and let’s be honest — most of them have been placeholders. they have been people who have allowed their staff to sign executive orders with an autopen instead of men of action.”
again with the ‘autopen’ business — this is another one of Donny’s fever-swamp fantasies: that Joe Biden used an automatic device to ‘sign’ his documents, and therefore none of them are valid, and Donny gets to ignore them. there is absolutely no evidence that any of this is true — but everyone has to play along, and humor the ill-tempered infant president.
hey, Space Nazi — what the fuck is going on up there on top of your head? are you wearing two hats, you dipshit?
“let us say I wear a lot of hats. even my hat has a hat.”
oh my god, Elon is so not funny. with all the gazillions of dollars he’s hoarded, along with all the billions he’s currently siphoning from our government, can’t he afford to hire at least one comedy writer?
so, now that Donny has clownfucked America’s economy straight into the shitter, can you guess how he’s celebrating?
with a four-day weekend of golf at Motel-a-Lago, duh.
bueno, Donny. good for you. please, though — when you’re out there on the course, try not to let that mean old Joe Biden shit your pants again.
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
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for the record, that photo up top, the one that's been going around for years, is photoshopped. I don't care
donnie drumpf took Pres. Joseph R. Biden’s tremendously strong economy to a gravel pit and Kristi Noem’d the fuck out of that puppy.