Donny to allies: ‘help me win my illegal war’ — allies to Donny: ‘fuck straight off’

no one could have seen this coming

friends, here’s today’s first order of business: I want to thank you for all birthday greetings I received yesterday. there were literally hundreds upon hundreds of them — way too many for me to answer individually. but I promise all of you this: when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness. so you’ve got that going for you — which is nice.

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hey, let’s check in on Preznit Fuckwit and see how Operation Won’t Someone Clean Up My Mess is going.

Donny: “okay, yes, please, CNN. ai yi yi.”

reporter: “thank you, Mr. President. I’m not CNN, I’m Daily Wire, but numerous countries have told you they’re on their way, can you give us a hint what they are, what that entails, how soon they might be there?”

Donny: “you mean who are the countries? I’d rather not say yet. but we will be announcing them. Marco Rubio and the various people who are doing that will be announcing— and we do— I have to tell you, we have some that are really enthusiastic coming already, they’ve already started to— you know, it takes a little while to get there, it’s like— in some cases you have to travel— an ocean. so, doesn’t go that fast, but it’ll go fast. and we have some that are fairly local that are— doing it, but, um, we’ll be announ— we’ll give you a list. some are very enthusiastic, and some are— less enthusiastic. and I assume some will not do it. I think we have one or two that will not do it, that we’ve been protecting for about forty years.”

first of all, I love how Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants feels the need to explain how oceans work, like we’re the fucking morons who blundered into an illegal and unwinnable war and now need to go begging for help.

you see that? a boat has to travel through all that wavey shit. have a little patience, for fuck’s sake.

but more importantly, let’s do a quick fact-check of Donny’s claim that help is already on the way.

if I were that Daily Wire reporter, my followup question would have been ‘are any of these countries in the room with us right now?’ — because ‘I’d rather not say yet’ is all the proof you need that Donny’s talking out of his ass, and his very chatty ass is making it up as it goes along.

spoiler alert: nobody wants to help us. it’s a goddamned Coalition of the Unwilling out there.

I’m beginning to think that Donny may have committed an oopsie back in February of 2024 when he told NATO that he wouldn’t protect them if they were attacked, and in fact would actually encourage Russia to ‘do whatever the hell they want.’

I shit you not.

“they asked me that question. one of the presidents of a big country stood up and said ‘well sir, if we don’t pay and we’re attacked by Russia, will you protect us?’ I said ‘you didn’t pay? you’re delinquent?’ he said ‘yes, let’s say that happened.’ no, I would not protect you. in fact, I would encourage them to do whatever the hell they want. you gotta pay.”

wow, no one could have predicted that telling our allies to go fuck themselves — and then spending an entire year being a belligerent asshole and doing everything in his power to antagonize them — would result in our allies telling Donny to go fuck himself.

awesome job, Donny. take a victory lap, maybe through that wavey ocean.

Donny’s alienated our closest allies — and now that nobody wants to send their warships on a suicide mission through the Strait of Hormuz, he has no choice but to pretend that all his friends are fighting along with him. he’s literally become this meme.

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here’s a super fun thing Dear Leader did yesterday. he badgered Holy Mike Johnson — the limpest dick ever to wield the House Speaker’s gavel — into revealing the name of a terminally-ill congressman — and Holy Mike is such a captured cuck that he actually did it.

Donny: “we had a death, and we had another death, and we had some things, but we’re looking very strong. we had one man who was very ill. it looked like he wasn’t going to make it. I don’t know. I don’t— I won’t mention his name. should I? do other people know his name? huh? do you want to mention it? he’ll be proud. go ahead. tell them the story.”

Holy Mike: “okay, well. thank you, Mr. President. um. uh. Congressman Neal Dunn of Florida had some real health challenges, that was very serious, and had had a pretty grim diagnosis.”

Donny: “what was the diagnosis?”

Holy Mike: “it was, uh, I think it was a terminal diagnosis.”

Donny: “he would be dead by June.”

Holy Mike: “okay, that wasn’t public, but yeah, okay. [audience groans] it was grim, that’s what I was going to say.”

and then the ghoulish piece of shit laughs, and slaps Holy Mike on the back. who the fuck does that?

no reporter is ever going to ask it, so I will: dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?

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let me leave you with this question: how is it that we’ve gone so far through the looking glass that Marjorie Spork Toes Greene is out here making perfect sense —

“what’s happening in Lebanon is horrific. there was basically a genocide on Gaza, and Gaza was completely destroyed. and it’s just wrong to tell Americans that, or make Americans think that every single Palestinian in Gaza was a member of Hamas. that’s just not true. there were tens of thousands of innocent Palestinians murdered by these bombs that were dropped on them. and now the same thing is happening in Lebanon.”

— while Dickbrain McHoodie gibbers like a hard-core cultist whose cortex has been pickled from watching one too many Q-Anon videos?

“Iran doesn't have any military capables left other than just a random kind of a drone here and there trying to produce chaos, and have that get amplified and platformed in, like, the New York Times and whatever, to make it seem like the world’s on fire, and that’s just not there.”

is it just me? am I on crazy pills?

have a good St. Patrick’s Day, folks. guzzle all the green beer you want, but stay away from the bottle labeled ‘drink me.’

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.