Donald Trump is once again the Kremlin’s Employee of the Month

it’s none of your business, America, what Dear Leader does behind your back

hey, remember that awesome little covid pandemic? remember how, when Little Donny Fuckface was president back in 2020, there was no cure for it? remember how deadly it was, and how hundreds of thousands of people painfully died as their lungs filled with fluid and failed? that was fun, right?

remember how there weren’t adequate resources? remember how nurses had to wrap garbage bags around themselves because there wasn’t enough protective gear to go around?

oh hey — do you remember when Donny forced governors to compete for scarce hardware? this carnival-barking narcissist held flattery contests. the winning governors got ventilators. the losers were cordially invited to go fuck themselves.

but there was one dude who jumped the line and got the equipment he needed from Donny, special delivery. and he wasn’t a governor. he wasn’t even an American citizen.

who was this Very Lucky Boy Who Won All The Prizes?

this fucking guy: Donny Convict’s despot bestie, Vladimir Putin.

per Bob Woodward’s new book, War:

The book also contains new details about Trump’s relationship with the Russian president. In 2020, Woodward writes, Trump had “secretly sent Putin a bunch of Abbott Point of Care Covid test machines for his personal use.”

“secretly.” as in ‘it’s none of your fucking business, America, what Dear Leader does behind your back.’

“for his personal use” — not for the Russian people. this wasn’t a humanitarian effort because Russian citizens were dying — and dying they were, by the millions — the covid testing machines were for Vlad, and only Vlad.

“Please don’t tell anybody you sent these to me,” Putin said to Trump, according to Woodward.

“I don’t care,” Trump replied. “Fine.”

“No, no,” Putin said. “I don’t want you to tell anybody because people will get mad at you.”

mad at Donny? gee, Vlad, d’ya think? I’m fucking livid right now. I just had to glue all the pieces of my exploded head back together.

but at least — now that he’s no longer president — Donny no longer has a hotline to Vlad, right? all that secret conspiring shit has come to an end, right?

wrong.

Woodward writes that Trump has stayed in touch with Putin after leaving office.

In one scene, Woodward recounts a moment at Mar-a-Lago where Trump tells a senior aide to leave the room so “he could have what he said was a private phone call with Russian President Vladimir Putin.”

“According to Trump’s aide, there have been multiple phone calls between Trump and Putin, maybe as many as seven in the period since Trump left the White House in 2021,” Woodward writes.

holy fucking shit. any time the mood strikes, private citizen Donny just picks up the phone at Motel-a-Lago and shoots the shit with the dictator of Russia.

do you imagine that Vlad was ringing up Donny for golf tips?

“comrade Donald, what is best club for getting out of rough?”

oh, please. you know what Motel-a-Lago was full of, back in 2021, when Donny was SHOOING LACKEYS OUT OF THE ROOM SO HE COULD HAVE PRIVATE CHATS WITH HIS TOTALITARIAN SNUGGLEBUNNY?

stolen classified documents, that what. a shitter full of them.

we already know what Donny was doing with his prized stolen documents. he pawed through them. he kept them in his office desk. he wrote to-do notes on them, and passed those notes on to underlings. he waved them in the faces of randos at his New Jersey wife cemetery. he bragged about their contents to his plutocrat golf cronies.

so, what do you imagine Donny and Vladdy were chatting about, honcho to honcho, in private, after Donny kicked everyone out of his office?

“comrade Donald. when is windy on fairway, is best to use nine iron, da?

consider this: if Donny could ship covid test machines to Putin without anyone finding out about it, what else do you imagine Donny could secretly send to Vlad?

by the way, Bob Woodward can fuck himself all the way to the moon.

I’m so tired of people like Woodward — and Maggs Haberman, and John Kelly, and on and on — who have first-hand evidence of Donny’s traitorous treachery, and choose save it for the book. sure, it’s nice for this stuff to come out twenty-eight days before an election, but the American people had a right to know about this Putin fuckery years ago.

while Bobby Wood is busy fucking himself, let’s chat for a hot minute about Reality Winner.

Reality Winner walked off with one classified document. just one. she was arrested, jailed, denied bail, convicted and swiftly sentenced to five years in prison. no one asked her nicely to pretty please just give the document back. there were no negotiations. she didn’t get to hand-pick her own fangirl judge to wish everything under the cornfield for her. one document. prison.

and then there’s Jack Teixeira. he took dozens of classified documents and put them on a server in order to impress his dipshit gamer friends. he was arrested, denied bail, and is currently sitting in prison, awaiting sentencing after having pleaded guilty. again, there were no negotiations. no supermajority of corrupt Supreme Court Justices were available to declare Jack a Very Special Boy.

actions, consequences.

but for now, there are no consequences for Donny and his shitter full of thousands of stolen documents that didn’t belong to him — because Judge Fangirl has ruled that Jack Smith is a meanie with a stupid beard who has no right to unfairly persecute Dear Leader.

right now, Jack Smith is desperately trying to get the Eleventh Circuit to reverse Aileen Fangirl’s fuckery. and the rest of us? we’re just sitting here with exploded heads.

the brilliant coms people at Team Kamala, gods bless them, have already dropped a Putin-themed campaign ad.

Trump will always choose Putin over the American people.

truer words.

it’s fucking maddening that felonious cumsock Donald Trump is within the margin of error in a presidential election that’s less than a month away.

in a just world, Donny would be within the margin of error for being elected mascot of Cell Block D.

we need everybody — every fucking body — to get to the polls and VOTE.

we can do this. all hands on deck.

folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.