Donald Trump got arraigned and Republicans completely lost their shit

let us now take a look at their measured and reasonable reactions

so, Donny had his day in court. let’s do a wellness check on our pals on the right and see how they’re coping.

hey Fox News, how are you folks holding up over there?

oh Jesus H. Christ, no.

seriously, Fox?

by the way, that’s not a photoshop job there. that’s the actual Fox News crawl at 9pm last night.

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Anna Paulina Lunatic, you’re the wingnut outrage-industrial complex’s flavor of the week. we’re suddenly seeing your face on all the cable shows. is it because of your calm and thoughtful analyses of current events?

ummmm. ok, guess not. moving on …

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hey Marco Rubio, tell us what’s on your mind.

I’m sorry, Joe Biden’s crackhead son? oh Marco, you’re a class act, bro.

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yo, JD Vance. you’re supposed to be a smart guy, a best-selling author and all. certainly you’ve read the indictment and understand the severity of Donald Trump’s crimes. what do you have to say about it?

“Donald Trump is merely the latest victim of a Department of Justice that cares more about politics than law enforcement,” Vance said in a statement.  

“Starting today, I will hold all Department of Justice nominations. If [Attorney General] Merrick Garland wants to use these officials to harass Joe Biden’s political opponents, we will grind his department to a halt,” he declared. 

you do you, JD.

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Nikki Haley, you’re a former ambassador to the UN. certainly you grasp the national security nightmare scenario that could arise when a former government employee steals war plans and brags about them to random visitors at his golf motel. so naturally you’re going to want to see Donald Trump put away for a long time, right?

whatever, Nikki. we’ll get back to you just as soon as you’re elected president.

(just an aside here: did you know that Wolf Blitzer was still on tv? I didn’t.)

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meanwhile, let’s see what the New York Times is up to. the old Grey Lady is not exactly what we would call wingnut media, so we can be pretty sure that they won’t be portraying a confessed nuclear spy in a heroic light. I mean, they wouldn’t stoop that low, would they?

sigh.

I guess we should be thankful that they didn’t wedge Hillary’s emails in there somewhere.

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and finally, Donald, my dude, how are you handling the pressure of mounting legal entanglements?

what’s that? you’re going to appoint “a real special prosecutor to go after” Biden and “the entire Biden crime family”? you say that you “will totally obliterate the deep state,” and that you’re “the only one who can save this nation”?

wow — Adderall, grandiosity and creeping dementia make for one hell of a cocktail.