doddering old fool gets pantsed by Canada and Mexico

and Democrats finally wake the fuck up

United States President Donald J. Clownfuck loves to brag that he’s the greatest dealmaker of all time — but he’s a little confused. ‘Smart Businessman’ was a character he played on a game show. in real life, Donny’s an easily-manipulated buffoon with no impulse control and the attention span of a coked-up squirrel.

so it’s pretty fucking easy to get the best of him.

yesterday, Canada and Mexico both ate Donny’s lunch — and the doofus didn’t even notice.

we all woke up yesterday into a world where a disastrous — and pointless — trade war with Mexico and Canada seemed inevitable. in fact, the stock markets cratered in anticipation.

and then — miracle of miracles!

President Donald Trump on Monday said he is pausing for one month his new 25% tariffs on goods imported from Mexico after that country’s president agreed to immediately send 10,000 soldiers to the U.S. border to prevent drug trafficking from Mexico.

wow! the Master Negotiator did it — he got Mexico to deploy thousands of troops to the border! three cheers for Donny Dealmaker, right?

wrong, because ten thousand Mexican troops are already at the border — Joe Biden made that deal four years ago. quietly, with no fanfare — and without almost tanking the world’s economy. that’s the difference between a leader and a buffoon.

According to White House press secretary Jen Psaki, Mexico will maintain a deployment of about 10,000 troops.

Donny got taken to the cleaners by Mexico’s President Claudia Sheinbaum, because he does no reading, no prep work, doesn’t care about facts, and imagines he already knows everything about everything. so he had no idea that Mexico agreed to do something they were already doing.

you could have sent the loudmouth know-it-all drunk at the end of the bar to negotiate with Sheinbaum, and he probably would have walked away with a better deal.

this exact same scenario played out just last week, when Colombia neutralized a tariff threat by agreeing to accept deportation flights from America — flights they’d already been accepting for four years under Joe Biden. in fact, Donny ended up on the losing end of that deal, by agreeing to Colombia’s human rights demands.

are you beginning to sense a pattern? well, then you’ll laugh your ass off over what happened next: Canada took one look at Mexico’s masterful hoodwinking of Donny and said yeah, break me off a piece of that.

it was the exact same deal Donny cut with Mexico. Canada agreed to send ten thousand troops to their border.

“Nearly 10,000 frontline personnel are and will be working on protecting the border,” Mr. Trudeau said in his post without elaboration.

oh by the way, those ten thousand Canadian troops? they’re already at the border — thanks to a deal previously negotiated by Joe Biden.

Donny’s deal also calls for Canada to spend $1.3 billion on border security — money that they’d already agreed to spend, after cutting a deal with you’ll never guess who.

Dominic LeBlanc, the minister of finance and intergovernmental affairs, holds a news conference on Parliament Hill to outline the federal government’s new $1.3-billion border security plan.

I know it seems like December 2024 happened a thousand years ago, but I’m sure you’ll remember that Joe Biden was still president.

Trudeau also agreed to name a “fentanyl czar,” which is the silliest fucking thing ever — because there is no ‘fentanyl problem’ at the Canadian border. the amount of fentanyl that crosses our northern border is a rounding error away from zero.

you could imagine Trudeau on the phone with Donny, going ‘yeah sure, a fentanyl czar’ while rolling his eyes and miming jerkoff motions with one hand — and then calling out to the next rando to walk past his office door, ‘hey Gordie, you want to be fentanyl czar?’

meet Canada’s new fentanyl czars.

as with the Mexican arrangement, if Donny had done any prep work at all, he would have known that he was agreeing to a deal that had already been in place.

but that’s not how Donny rolls. he can’t focus his attention long enough to absorb facts. this is the dolt whose daily intel briefing is pictures and bullet points — and they stick Donny’s name in there as often as possible to keep his what’s left of his mind from wandering.

Donny got outfoxed by Sheinbaum and Trudeau in the same day, and when all was said and done, was left standing with nothing but his dick in his hand.

but Donny’s too dim to understand that he got his pockets picked, and so he’ll be crowing endlessly about how the Master Negotiator did it again — and MAGA will eat that shit up. they’ll swallow anything.

let’s let WaPo columnist Catherine Rampell sum it up nicely.

“Trump is trying to repackage the status quo as a victory. that’s what the leaders of these foreign countries are learning. you don’t actually have to give Trump anything. you just have to let him announce victory on TV.”

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now let’s turn to the Democrats — because it looks like they’re finally waking the fuck up and doing their jobs.

Democratic Senator Brian Schazt has had it up to here with Unelected President Space Nazi fucking shit up, and he’s vowing to do everything he can to prevent it.

“I will oppose unanimous consent. I will vote no. I will do maximal delays until this is resolved.”

this is how it’s done: when you’re the minority party, you do everything in your power to slow everything the fuck down, every chance you get.

you know who was the master of this? Senator Turtlehump, that’s who.

for decades, Democratic-controlled Senates got almost nothing accomplished, because Minority Leader Glitch McConnell threw up every barrier he could.

and don’t forget about the fuckery Terminally-Concussed Tommy Tuberville was able to perpetrate. he single-handedly blocked all military promotions for the better part of a year.

it’s about time Democrats gave Republicans a taste of their own medicine.

the other thing Democrats are finally figuring out is that you have to make noise, loudly, and keep doing it — in public.

the Space Nazi has had a complete bug up his ass about the United States Agency for International Development. he fucking hates their guts, because USAID’s agenda is to administer humanitarian aid around the world.

The range of activities it undertakes is vast. For example, not only does USAID provide food in countries where people are starving, it also operates the world's gold-standard famine detection system, which uses data analysis to try to predict where food shortages are emerging.

sorry, that ‘helping people’ shit is incompatible with the Space Nazi’s ‘all the money in the world is meant for me’ ethos. oh, and there’s also that bit where USAID was instrumental in ending apartheid in South Africa.

U.S. policy was to help bring an end to apartheid and establish a nonracial, democratic government. In response to this policy and the Act, USAID/South Africa was responsible for financing projects that apartheid victims viewed as critical in promoting social, political, and economic change through peaceful means.

so there’s also a huge revenge motive here — and the Space Nazi is manifesting that revenge by telling USAID staffers that their jobs just went fuckity-bye, and locking them all out of their building. and by the way, none of what the Space Nazi is doing to USAID is legal — because he’s an unelected private citizen, heading an imaginary government body that technically doesn’t exist.

Jamie Raskin is pissed. he and a bunch of his colleagues went down to USAID to make noise — not just about the fuckery going on there, but also about the fuckery going on at the US Treasury, where the Space Nazi has been illegally accessing the financial and personal data of millions of federal employees.

“and just like Elon Musk did not create USAID, he doesn’t have the power to destroy it. and who’s going to stop him? we are. we’re gonna stop him. Elon Musk, you may have illegally seized power over the financial payments systems of the United States Department of Treasury, but you don’t control the money of the American people. the US Congress does that under Article 1 of the Constitution. and just like the president, who is elected to something, cannot impound the money of the people, we don’t have a fourth branch of government called ‘Elon Musk,’ and that’s going to become real clear.”

thank you, Rep. Raskin. get angry, stay angry, make noise — and fight. we’ll be right there with you.

contact your elected officials — often. House contact info can be found here. Senate contact info can be found here.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.