befuddled old man is Big Sad because presidenting is just too hard

why won’t Putin just let Donny win?

Donald Trump is what would happen if Dunning and Kruger had a baby — and then dropped it on its head.

never has a bigger fucking imbecile been more serenely convinced of his own genius. blissfully unaware that he is a hall-of-fame-level dumb-ass, Donny coasts through life on the belief that solving the world’s problems is a piece of cake.

which is why it’s super hilarious to learn that, as Donny’s having dinner with cronies at his Florida golf motel, he’s whining to them about how hard presidenting is.

Now that he is over 100 days into his second term, the president in recent weeks has expressed growing dissatisfaction that he hasn’t been able to deliver on his promise to end the war in Ukraine and has even taken to wondering if Russian President Vladimir Putin has been stringing him along.

that sound you just heard was the entire world shouting “Vladimir Putin has been stringing you along for literal years. how the fuck are you just figuring this out now?”

as Trump spoke to a room of top donors at his Florida club last week, he described ending Russia’s war in Ukraine as a growing frustration that keeps him up at night, people in the room said.

oh, boo fucking hoo. here’s your binky, Donny. now dry your eyes.

let’s step back for a moment and look at the bigger picture: Donny’s had a creepy schoolgirl crush on Putin since forever.

even back before Donny entered politics and became a suppurating pustule on the world’s ass, he’d been making cow-eyes from across the room at his heartthrob Vladdy.

here’s Donny in 2013, when he had that side-hustle as a beauty pageant impresario — the gig that allowed him to “accidentally” walk in on half-naked teenage girls. look at him fangirling hard for Vlad.

“Do you think Putin will be going to The Miss Universe Pageant in November in Moscow — if so, will he become my new best friend?”

eww. put your dick away, Donny. it’s unseemly.

that same year, Donny claimed that he and Vlad were already besties.

NBC’s Thomas Roberts: “do you have a relationship with Vladimir Putin? a conversational relationship, or anything that you feel you have sway or influence over his government?”

Donny: “I do have a relationship, and I can tell you he’s very interested in what we’re doing here today. he’s probably very interested in what you and I are saying today, and I’m sure he’s going to be seeing it in some form. but I do have a relationship with him, and I think it’s very interesting, what’s happened.”

oh my god, the narcissism and the megalomania — as if Putin gave one solitary shit about what some bankrupt slumlord said in a TV interview.

oh, and here’s Donny in 2014, claiming that yes, he and Vladdy did become best of friends at the Miss Universe Pageant.

I own Miss Universe, I was in Russia, I was in Moscow recently and I spoke, indirectly and directly, with President Putin, who could not have been nicer, and we had a tremendous success. The show was live from Moscow and we had tremendous success there and it was amazing.

I have just two words about Donny’s visit to Moscow in 2013: pee tape.

Donny’s continued insistence that he and Vlad were besties makes it super weird that while running for president in 2016, he was all ‘Vlad who?’.

“I've never spoken to him. I don’t know anything about him other than he will respect me,” Trump said during a press conference this morning at his golf club in Doral, Florida. “I have nothing to do with Russia.”

Putin has an odd way of showing respect, doesn’t he?

news flash for Donny: the ventriloquist does not respect the dummy.

---

meanwhile, back to Dear Leader and his dinnertime golf-crony whine-fests. apparently, Donny’s waking up to the fact that the wheels are pretty much coming off his entire presidency.

As he passes the 100-day mark of his second term with neither conflict closer to a resolution, negotiations to end Iran’s nuclear program stalled, and a trade war straining relationships with allies, Trump is finding solving the world’s problems more difficult than he had thought.

look, presidenting really is hard — and it doesn’t help that Donny is a lazy fuckwad who can’t be bothered to show up for his intel briefings.

Despite needing to navigate high-stakes diplomacy with the likes of Russia, China, and Iran, the commander-in-chief has largely ghosted the intelligence community’s most critical briefing tool.

POLITICO reports that Trump received just two in-person intelligence updates per month in the first quarter of 2025 before shifting to a weekly briefing schedule in April.

it also doesn’t help that Donny’s Russia envoy doesn’t even bother to bring his own interpreter to meetings with Putin.

President Donald Trump’s special envoy broke with long-standing protocol by not employing his own interpreter during three high-level meetings with Russia’s Vladimir Putin, opting instead to rely on translators from the Kremlin, a U.S. official and two Western officials with knowledge of the talks told NBC News.

I know you’ll be shocked to hear this, but Steve Witkoff — Donny’s Russia envoy — has a sum total of zero diplomatic experience. he’s a “real estate mogul and cryptocurrency trader.” he also speaks no Russian.

so there Steve is, in a foreign land where he doesn’t speak the language, and he doesn’t think to bring his own translators to a negotiation to end a fucking war. how insane is that? homeboy’s begging to be taken advantage of.

trusting Putin’s translators to give an honest accounting of what’s being said is almost as fucking dumb as texting war plans to a reporter. does not one of Donny’s sewer clowns know how to do their job?

it’s like there was a turnip truck, and Steve Witkoff fell off of it — and then it ran over him.

---

here’s your daily dose of batshit fuckwaddery.

the other day, Donny signed another one of his nonsensical (and unenforceable) executive orders. this one banished the use of paper straws, because fuck you, environment.

let’s listen in as Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants explains his nightmarish inability to master the dark art of using a paper straw.

“we’re going back to plastic straws. these things don’t work. I’ve had them many times. on occasion, they break. they explode. if something’s hot, they don’t last very long, like a matter of minutes. sometimes a matter of seconds. it’s a ridiculous situation, so we’re going back to plastics straws. I think it’s okay.” [noisily scrawls his ludicrous klan-hood signature] “and I don’t think that plastic’s gonna affect the shark very much as they’re eating— as they’re munching their way through the ocean.”

wait, paper straws explode? what, like a cartoon cigar?

has Nosferatu McGoebbels been pranking Donny again?

what is it with Donny’s pathological obsession with sharks? and he’s such a fucking idiot. it took me all of five seconds to type “are plastics harmful to sharks” into the Great Google Answer Machine.

Yes, plastics are harmful to sharks and can cause significant negative impacts. Sharks can be harmed by plastic pollution through entanglement, ingestion of plastic debris (including microplastics), and the absorption of toxic chemicals from plastic.

happy Mother’s Day, everyone. I hope yours is a good one.

---

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

---

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

713